You don’t need to avoid hard talks.
Just change how you start them ⬇️
Tough conversations aren’t the problem.
It’s how we handle them that creates
distance or builds trust.
Here’s how to replace common shutdown
phrases with connection-driven language:
1. Instead of saying:
“You’re overreacting.”
Say this:
“I see this is important to you… let’s talk about it.”
2. Instead of saying:
“That’s just how it is.”
Say this:
“I understand your concerns… let’s explore what we can do.”
3. Instead of saying:
“You need to calm down.”
Say this:
“I want to understand… can you help me see your perspective?”
4. Instead of saying:
“This isn’t my problem.”
Say this:
“Let’s find a way forward together… what do you think?”
5. Instead of saying:
“I don’t have time for this.”
Say this:
“I want to give this proper attention… let’s set a time to discuss.”
6. Instead of saying:
“That’s not what I meant.”
Say this:
“Let me rephrase… here’s what I was trying to say.”
7. Instead of saying:
“I don’t see the issue.”
Say this:
“Help me understand why this is a concern for you.”
8. Instead of saying:
“You’re taking this too personally.”
Say this:
“I hear you… let’s work through this together.”
9. Instead of saying:
“We don’t need to talk about this.”
Say this:
“If this is important to you, then it’s worth discussing.”
10. Instead of saying:
“Let’s just agree to disagree.”
Say this:
“We may see things differently… but let’s find common ground.”
🧠 Remember; It’s not about winning the argument.
It’s about preserving the relationship while addressing the issue.
When you speak with curiosity instead of defensiveness,
you invite real dialogue, not just debate.
Kenrick Vaz 