A Key to Conflict

I remember when a comment from a colleague made me feel attacked.

My first reaction was almost the classic “fight or flight”.

Then, instead of becoming a hostage, I remembered a metaphor: to “put the fish on the table.”

It’s a messy, smelly job, and no one wants to do it. However, if you don’t clean it, the fish will just stay there and rot, and everything will worsen.

So, I took a breath and asked the person to have a chat after the meeting. I put the fish on the table, saying something like, “When you said X, I felt Y. Can we talk about it?”

At first it was uncomfortable, but it was worth it. We clarified the intention, the impact, and the misunderstanding.

Our conversation wasn’t simply about that comment; it was instead about how we could work together.

And now our professional relationship is much stronger because we chose to have that conversation, and we trust that we’ll raise any future issue with the same transparency.

Conflict itself isn’t the problem, avoiding conflict is. The “messy” part is where trust is built.

And in reality, we have these conversations because we care, and respect the person, and that’s why it is important to put the fish on the table.

The “fish on the table” metaphor that helped me so much comes from the incredible work of the dear George Kohlrieser, a professor at IMD.

When was the last time that addressing a conflict actually improved a relationship for you?