The Devil’s Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians – they are my best workers.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked – I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church – they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the trouble makers – they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers – I’m all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes – for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church – for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip – for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended – for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work – for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister – for he shall be with me forever.

12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself – I’ve got you too!

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