There’s an old Gambian proverb that goes:
“If a donkey kicks you and you kick back, you are both donkeys.”
At first glance, it might sound humorous, even a little absurd. But dig deeper, and this saying reveals a powerful truth about human behavior, ego, and emotional intelligence.
The Deeper Meaning
This proverb teaches a lesson that is both timeless and timely: when someone behaves badly toward you—be it through insult, anger, manipulation, or petty provocation—responding in kind doesn’t elevate you. It simply pulls you into the same pit. The moment you retaliate with the same negativity, you’ve allowed someone else’s poor choices to influence your own.
In essence, you become what you despise.
A Mirror, Not a Measure
People often serve as mirrors. How you respond to someone else’s behavior is often a reflection of your own self-control and awareness. When someone wrongs you and you maintain your composure, you’re no longer reacting—you’re choosing. You’re showing that your actions are not dictated by others, but are grounded in your own values.
That’s strength. That’s leadership.
The Cost of Kicking Back
Responding to negativity with more negativity doesn’t just make you feel worse—it often escalates the conflict, spreads the negativity, and chips away at your integrity. Whether in personal relationships, the workplace, or online spaces, it’s easy to get dragged into battles that aren’t worth fighting. And in fighting them, you risk losing something far more valuable than the argument: your peace of mind.
Choosing a Higher Road
Walking away doesn’t mean weakness—it takes far more strength to be calm in the face of provocation than to lash out. Whether it’s a snide comment from a colleague or a passive-aggressive jab on social media, remember the donkey. You don’t have to kick back. You don’t have to respond at all.
Instead, respond with grace. Or better yet, don’t respond at all. Not every kick deserves your attention.
The Gambian proverb is a call to self-awareness and restraint. It’s a gentle yet firm reminder that we are not obligated to match energy—especially when that energy is toxic. In choosing not to kick back, we’re not letting someone “get away with it.” We’re choosing not to become them.
So the next time a “donkey” kicks you, smile. Breathe. Walk away. And remember: you are not a donkey.
Kenrick Vaz 