Scroll through social media long enough and you’ll see the mantra: “You don’t owe anyone anything.” It’s packaged as self-care, empowerment, and boundaries — and sometimes it’s necessary advice. But lately, it’s been taken to an extreme. We’ve started confusing “I’m not obligated to be mistreated” with “I don’t have to show up with basic humanity.”
Hazel Satija’s words hit a nerve: “Actually, no. I think as a bare minimum we owe each other basic human kindness and respect.” That simple statement cuts through the noise and reminds us of something fundamental — we’re still part of a shared social fabric, and our actions ripple out far beyond ourselves.
This idea resonates because many of us have been burned — by unhealthy relationships, toxic workplaces, or unreasonable expectations. Setting boundaries is healthy. Saying no is healthy. Refusing mistreatment is healthy.
But boundaries are not blank checks to disregard others’ dignity. When we confuse autonomy with indifference, we lose something vital: our humanity.
The Quiet Power of Everyday Decency
Every day, you owe someone small but profound things:
A thank you to the barista who made your coffee. A nod to the stranger holding open a door. Listening instead of interrupting. Responding to someone’s pain with empathy instead of judgment.
These aren’t grand gestures. They’re the baseline acts that keep society functioning and make life less harsh for everyone. In a culture obsessed with “me first,” choosing kindness is an act of quiet rebellion.
Respect Is Not Submission
Respect doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone, or tolerating bad behavior. It’s about recognizing someone’s inherent worth even when you disagree. You can say “no” with dignity. You can draw firm boundaries without cruelty.
When we hold onto that standard, our interactions become less transactional and more human. We start to see people not as obstacles or extras in our story but as fellow travelers.
A Better Motto
Instead of “You don’t owe anyone anything,” what if we embraced:
“You don’t owe anyone your self-destruction — but you do owe everyone your humanity.”
That shift changes everything. It reframes self-care from self-protection alone to self-awareness plus mutual responsibility.
The Bottom Line
We can’t build healthy communities, workplaces, or relationships without mutual care. Yes, draw your boundaries. Yes, prioritize your well-being. But don’t forget the bare minimum we all owe each other: kindness, empathy, and respect.
Hazel’s reminder isn’t about guilt or obligation; it’s about remembering that our small acts of decency — especially when nobody’s watching — are what keep the world from becoming colder.
Practical takeaway:
The next time you feel tempted to dismiss someone with “I don’t owe them anything,” pause. Ask yourself: What would basic kindness look like here? Sometimes it’s a smile, a text back, a thank-you note, or simply refraining from unnecessary harshness. Those little things add up — and they’re worth far more than we think.
Kenrick Vaz 