When something beautiful comes our way we run to share the good news with friends, family or colleagues, and their wide smiles, giggles, hi-fives, and awkward jumps, fool us into thinking they are genuinely happy for us. Think again. Not many are genuinely happy for us. To be fair, a few are genuinely happy for you. Yes, it’s a weird world we live in but there are still a few genuine friends, family and colleagues.
A lot of people view life as a competition or a race. Some people have this mindset that they have to do better than someone else. In their minds that can mean a handful of things: getting married first, having the flashiest car, having a bigger house than their so called “friends,” or making more money than them. People like these are either not happy with themselves or trying to prove to others that they look happy and are “winning” at something.
Competition is healthy but unfortunately, competition doesn’t always make the best of friends. It is possible for everyone of us to succeed, but not everyone does. People who do succeed don’t succeed at the same exact time as you. There will certainly be a gap of years between your success and that of your friends. It is easy to say that we will be happy to see our friends do well for themselves and acquire great achievement, but the fact of the matter is that we all get a little jealous.
Funnily enough, when you see someone succeed, you are reminded of your lack of success. It’s silly, but human beings usually prefer seeing people worse off than they are because it makes them feel that they aren’t doing so bad for themselves. I guess we are all competitive by nature and knowing that we are not in last place is more comforting than being reminded of how far behind we are. Of course, there will be some people in your life who will truly be happy for you when you hit the jackpot, among them will be your parents.
There may even be some friends who aren’t competitive or driven, who will be supportive. Everyone else will vary in how much they loathe you for beating them to the finish line. Some closer to you, will do their best to hide their unhappiness and jealousy, while others will try to put you down and point out flaws or reasons the success won’t last. We are all not cut from the same fabric, where some are undoubtedly, brewing with high hopes and arriving with a head full of dreams.
Yes, success takes a lot of hard work, focus and sacrifice and a bit of luck. It’s a waiting game. It’s those who are patient and diligent enough to stay in the game that end up on top. So picture this; you put in so much hard work, sacrifice and focus and then with a bit of luck, you succeed and you feel like sharing this with friends, genuinely. Some frown on this behind your back and wish your success won’t last. I guess we were all given plain level playing field but I aimed higher right from day one and it has yielded me fair results, but you frown on mine?
Sadly, pursuing your dreams involves a lot of downs before ups. So seeing other people make it, even if they are your friends, feels like a slight kick to the gut that intensifies, depending on how down you are. I also firmly and staunchly believe that, when you are genuinely happy for people and pray for their success, help promote their business, you are definitely unlocking doors for yourself too and you can never tell what could be waiting for you at the corner. Praying for other people’s success and elevation, can bring you a whole lot, genuinely.
Not many people would want to talk about such stuff especially when they consider themselves to be good friends with whoever is basking in glory, they feel guilty for feeling the way they do. They know that they should be happy for their friends, but sort of hate them for being able to do what they still haven’t managed. It’s these people that find it the hardest to hide their disappointments in your happiness because they don’t really care whether or not you remain “friends.” That is, unless they know they can use your newfound success to their own advantage. They are not happy for you; they are happy to know you so they can exploit you.
Sure, when you succeed in something grand, all you want to do is talk about it, share it with your friends and bathe in the glow for as long as you can. However, if you know your friend is having a difficult time, that he/she is likely to be jealous or bummed out of your success, you may want to take one for the team and find a way to boost his/her confidence instead of rubbing it in or boasting about your achievements.
It’s funny how our generation has information about others at the touch of a button, just to compare and contrast. Others fake it all by posting fake successes and life events on social media, so they won’t be left out. Why go through a whole lot of fake stuff just to prove a point?
Keep doing you, embrace the ups and downs, and share what you want just knowing that most people are there for the information. Know who to share with. Tell the people closest to you about your life’s ups and downs, they are the ones who truly care and support you.
Kenrick Vaz 