My wife told me that I killed a plant by watering it too much.
I thought I was taking care of it. The leaves started looking a little tired, so I gave it more water. A few days later, it still looked unhappy, so I watered it again. I kept thinking I was helping.
Then one day, it was gone.
The funny thing is, I had done exactly what I thought a caring person was supposed to do. I paid attention. I noticed something was wrong. I tried to fix it. I kept showing up.
I just didn’t know when to stop.
That little plant taught me something I have seen play out in much bigger parts of life.
Good intentions can cause problems when we don’t pay attention to what they are doing.
We can love someone and still give them more advice than they asked for. We can care about our kids and try to solve every problem before they get the chance to solve one themselves. We can want to help a colleague and end up taking over their work. We can work hard for our families and spend so much time providing for them that we forget to be present with them.
Even ambition can become too much.
You start with a healthy desire to grow. You take on another project. Then another. You stay late because you want to prove yourself. You say yes because you don’t want to miss an opportunity.
At some point, the thing that was helping you grow starts draining you.
The difficult part is that excess rarely feels excessive while you’re doing it.
Watering a plant feels like care.
Checking your phone every few minutes can feel like staying connected.
Giving someone advice can feel like helping.
Working another hour can feel like commitment.
Saying yes can feel generous.
The intention feels good, so we assume the action must be good too.
That is where we get into trouble.
Sometimes the better question isn’t, “Am I trying to help?”
It is, “Is what I’m doing actually helping?”
Those two questions can lead to very different answers.
A child might need encouragement instead of another instruction. A friend might need someone to listen instead of someone to fix things. Your team might need clarity instead of another meeting. Your body might need sleep instead of another workout.
And sometimes you might need to leave something alone for a while.
Plants need water. They also need air, sunlight, healthy soil and time between watering. People are not much different. We need effort, care and ambition. We also need space, rest and room to figure things out.
There is a strange pressure to keep doing something.
If you’re worried, do something.
If you’re behind, work harder.
If someone is struggling, step in.
If something isn’t growing, add more.
But life doesn’t work like a volume knob where more effort always produces a better result.
Sometimes more is exactly what is causing the problem.
I still think about that plant from time to time.
It wasn’t a dramatic life lesson. There was no big failure attached to it. I simply cared for something in the wrong way and didn’t notice that my care had become harmful.
That’s easy to do.
We can get so focused on what we mean to do that we forget to look at what our actions are producing.
Good intentions matter. They tell us where our heart is.
Results matter too. They tell us whether our approach needs to change.
Sometimes caring means watering the plant.
Sometimes caring means putting the watering can down.
Kenrick Vaz 