We are Energetic Beings

Have you ever worked alongside someone who was a drainer of your energy? You know the sort – the people who are constantly negative, focused on what could go wrong and spend most of the day gossiping about other people… even if they don’t know them.

Unfortunately, some teams seem to be filled with these people where the culture has become infested with a dark, heavy energy that drains the fun and joy away and negatively impacts productivity, creativity and results. Even more disturbing is how contagious a negative energy can be… spreading like wildfire through a team and even the entire organisation.

So the real question here is – are you an energy giver or taker?

Every day you get to choose who you are when you turn up at work. You get to choose if you are seen to bring lightness, joy and possibility to the team or if you bring with you a heavy cloud filled with negativity and doom. It’s you choice. You decide.

And the higher up you go and the more people you lead or influence on a daily basis, the more important it is to manage your energy and attitude.

So here are 5 simple questions to ask yourself to assess the energy you bring to the team.

1. Is your glass half full? Do you generally move past the drama of a situation and see the opportunities that present even when it seems like everything is going against you? Do you instinctively look for the positives and learning from a situation rather than dwell on what went wrong and looking to “blame” and explain.

2. Are you a problem solver? Organisations are hungry for problem solvers! Many teams become paralysed by a tendency to “admire” their problems rather than getting into action and creative solution mode. You will become enormously valuable to any team if you become the go-to girl for finding and implementing innovative solutions that work.

3. Do people respond positively when your name pops up on caller ID? This is an interesting concept to think about. Do people grimace, hit the reject button or answer the phone with a sinking feeling of dread…. Or do they run to answer the call, no matter what, with a bright and breezy hello? Be honest. Which is it? Which do you want it to be?

4. Is your bubble one of lightness and joy? Imagine for a moment that you have a bubble of energy surrounding you.

How would other people describe the energy in your bubble? Would it be light, playful, caring, possibility focused, interested, curious, courageous, loving or bold? Or would it be heavy, dark, aggressive, angry, bored, indifferent, flat or unkind.

I believe that we all carry with us a bubble or an aura that rubs up against and leaves an impression or even impacts everyone we meet. Make sure yours is what you want it to be.

5. Do you smile a lot? I know that this might sound strange … but do you smile a lot while at work? If you are not in a place where you can smile a lot… then you are probably in the wrong place. Further more, you are quite possibly an energy taker and you are probably not the person that everyone wants on the team. Harsh … but true!

If you ever feel overwhelmed by your surroundings and busy schedule and need a way of re-charging your battery to continue with your day, there are many ways of incorporating energy givers into your routine. On the other hand, there are also multiple energy takers people unconsciously experience in their daily lives without realizing the effect. If people work to notice these energy takers, then people have the power to eliminate them from their lives.

Below is a list of energy givers and takers to note:

Energy Givers

Giving compliments to people
Outdoor time for at least 30 minutes a day
Exercise
Watching your favourite TV show
Drinking tea (or coffee)
Petting animals (if allergies permit!)
Music
Spas, Face masks
Wearing an outfit that makes you feel confident
Waking up early for sunrise or late for sunset
Eating your guilty-pleasure snack
Turning the lights off and watching a movie
Walks for fresh air
Grabbing a coffee at a café even if you own a coffee maker
Writing a card for someone
Dancing
Listening to an old song
Hugs
Fuzzy blankets
Picking out your outfit the night before
Complimenting yourself in the mirror once a day
Taking care of plants
Eating a home-cooked meal

Energy Takers

Spending time with people who put you down
Spending too much time on social media
Excessive screen time
Comparing yourself to others
Speaking negatively on repeat
Not eating enough food or drinking enough water
Neglecting self-care
Not sleeping enough
Oversleeping
Sitting in one spot for too long
Not changing scenery/environment
Trying to please everyone
Overworking yourself
Wearing uncomfortable clothes
Not seeing enough sunlight
Not setting a routine
Not setting aside me-time
Eating unhealthy study snacks only or too many sugary energy drinks
Rushing to get ready instead of giving yourself time

Now that you have a list of general energy givers versus takers, feel free to combine your favourite ones into a list of your own. Experiment with new activities that you learn from slowly adopting the above energy givers. As for energy takers, be mindful that not everyone feels drained from the same negative stimuli (the same goes for positive), so feel free to make a list that better pertains to your needs and reflects the activities that bring down your mood.

Why should you Embrace your Inner Child

We were all children at some point in our lives and that kid didn’t just up and leave the moment you became the responsible adult you are today. They’re still a part of you and we should learn to embrace them. Why? We shall see in a bit.

But first let us quickly see the definition of “Inner Child”

Too many adults have lost their childlike spirit. If you can harness and embrace your inner child, you will likely be a happier, more satisfied adult.

Reason 1 — To Imagine & Create

With the limitations of an archaic educational system born from the industrial revolution, global economic disruption, rising wealth and social equality in emerging markets and the technological advances of today, an ability to be creative and imaginative is critical, if you are to take advantage of the opportunities that are all around you.

Children possess a natural instinct to be creative, but this incredibly valuable ability is suppressed during adulting, as we seek to “conform” to a more “mature” state of being.

An ability to rethink and relearn what we have already learnt is key.

In 1968, George Land conducted a study to test the creativity of 1,600 children (three-to-five years old) who were enrolled in a Head Start program. This was based on the same creativity test he’d designed for NASA to help select innovative engineers and scientists.

He re-tested the same children at 10 years of age, and again at 15 years of age. These were the results.

Source: Idea to Value — Evidence that children become less creative over time (and how to fix it)

Land concluded, “it is not that children lose the ability to be creative, but that it is taught out of them”.

How To Get Creativity Back:

1 — Reject the fallacy that you are “either born with creativity or you are not”. All humans are born with creativity, you just haven’t practiced it in a while, so start by believing that you can.

All great things start with a belief that it can be done. A child falls over 100 times before it walks, and never once does it say to itself that it can’t.

2 —Follow Your Curiosities — James Webb Young defines ideas as merely the ability for one to be able to take on information and find relationships between many separate parts. Use a journal, planner or notes on your phone to capture the information you discover each day. You can’t see it now perhaps, but everything you’re witnessing, hearing and experiencing will lead towards an idea or an ‘Aha moment!’ — write it all down.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life
Steve Jobs

3 — Time & Space — The reason we’re conditioned to suppress our creativity is due to two types of thinking: divergent (imagination and new ideas) and convergent (judgements and criticising).

They are totally opposed to each other. George Land refers to one being an accelerator (divergent) and one being a brake (convergent).

Make time and find a safe place where you can free yourself of judgement and criticism to allow your mind to wander. Just like how a gym is used to build your fitness and muscles, you need to allocate time and energy to train the brain.

Reason 2 —To Learn New Things

As children, the human brain is very plastic and malleable to new information. Therefore, their ability to learn is greatly enhanced in relation to an adult brain.

As neuroscientist Takao Hensch from Harvard University observes, this is for evolutionary reasons. If the brain is constantly being rewired due to new experiences, it will fail at being the super-processing computer that it is.

Studies show that by our mid-20’s our brains begin to set like plaster but there are ways to recover neuroplasticity and maintain our ability to learn new things.

How To Get Brain Plasticity Back:

Senior Lecturer at MIT and neuroscientist, Tara Swart, recommends constantly stimulating your brain or setting yourself “energy intensive” challenges.

“[Look for challenges that require] conscious decision making, complex problem solving, memorising complex concepts, planning, strategising, self-reflection, exercising self-control and willpower.”

Swart goes on to highlight that repetition and practice are essential components for new neuropathways to be created, “Depending on the complexity of the activity, [experiments have required] 144 days or even three months for a new brain map, equal in complexity to an old one, to be created in the motor cortex.”

1 — Commit to an 8 month plan, not just 30 days.
Studies show that it takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit, but depending on the individual it can take anywhere from 18 to 245 days.
Define the why you’re doing something (not the what) and write down the benefits of the outcome clearly before starting — this will become your motivation.

2 — Start simple
Something important to you is definitely worth working on but make it practical and feasible. Allocate 30 minutes every day or every other day to work on it (set reminders!).

It’s taken you at least 25 years to get to this point, you won’t change in one week. Keep it simple and repeatable.

3 — Form a Trigger or Get an Accountability Buddy or Both!
Remember, repetition and practice are essential. Creating triggers will help remind you to make the time and energy towards the change you want. Put up a daily action list on your fridge, your wardrobe, your phone wallpaper. We are what we repeatedly do!

Research shows that you’re also 70% more likely to complete a goal when you write a weekly update to a friend or associate about how you’re progressing. Ask a friend, family member or a likeminded soul you’ve met on Twitter or Reddit to help out.

Reason 3 — To Discover New Gifts, Passions & Potential

Children have an incredible gift to be curious and follow their wonder of the world around whatever grabs their interest.

Adults conversely like to understand a logic or reasoning before allowing their mind to wander. Our desire to understand before we attempt, comes from a place of fear more than they come from a place of amazement.

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
Socrates

How To Get Your Sense of Wonder Back:

1 — Surround yourself with the amazing things people have achieved and consider why.

Why did they start?
Why did they create the things they’ve created?
Why project their curiosity as a piece of art, a book, a study, a school of thought.

People have done some extraordinary things and we live in an extraordinarily diverse society — embrace it!

2 — Travel: Go To New Places
It’s a cliche, I know, but new sounds, smells, language, tastes, sensations, and sights spark different synapses in the brain.

Foreign experiences increase both cognitive flexibility and depth and integrativeness of thought, the ability to make deep connections between disparate forms.
Adam Galinsky, professor at Columbia Business School

Visit a place with a different culture, don’t just visit a different country.

3 — Follow your Interests & Speak With Likeminded People
Sounds simple, but there are so many people who will get up tomorrow and continue doing the same things they’ve done for the last 5 years, that are mundane and boring to them. You may even know someone exactly like this.

It is, unfortunately, a common occurrence but it can be beaten. First, use the minds of others to help nurture your understanding and shape what actually interests you about the topic.

The feeling of being interested can act as a kind of neurological signal, directing us to fruitful areas of inquiry.

Learn to embrace your inner child and you will be a much more satisfied adult.

Living a life full of wonder, appreciation for the small things, humor, kindness, resilience, and big dreams is exactly what your inner child would want you to do.

Being Calm

It is not easy to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure. Stress is a normal part of modern life, but if you’re often faced with stressful situations and feel panicked or overwhelmed trying to deal with them, you may benefit from learning some coping strategies that can help you to stay calm. Nowadays, simply tuning in to the daily news is likely to be stressful. Add on the stresses of daily life — such as handling work demands or adjusting to retirement, dealing with family issues, coping with illness, or caregiving — and you may begin to greet each day with apprehension and worry. In other words, you can become anxious.

Pressure can put the body into “fight or flight” mode – an evolutionary tactic that releases hormones designed to get you ready to either fight or run from danger. In modern times, stress triggers these hormones but they’re not so helpful when the “danger” comes from giving a presentation at work rather than being faced with a wild animal. If you frequently find yourself feeling anxious, or panicked, your fight or flight mode is probably being triggered too easily and it’s helpful to learn how to calm yourself down when you’re entering this state.

Under Stress, We Regress

Many psychologists believe that we regress, or return to, behaviors we used in childhood when faced with an emotional threat. As a child, I would run away and hide in my room or just sit sullenly if things weren’t going my way. Today, my stress reaction is to “shut down” and to shut people out. And of course, if you were a child who threw tantrums—or objects—when things didn’t go your way, you may be a “screamer” under stress at work.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…
Rudyard Kipling

So how do successful people do it? How do they remain calm under pressure? How do they overcome the normal and natural reaction to regress, when under stress?

#1 They Take Care of Their Bodies
I remember a Snickers commercials that claims “you aren’t you when you’re hungry”. Our environment is the biggest variable when it comes to behavior, and our body is the immediate environment of our minds.

Successful people are intentional about when and what they eat. Your new mantra: Food is fuel! There is probably nothing more controversial in the health and fitness world than what and when to eat. High protein diets, vegan diets, intermittent fasting, so many options!

Successful people are also intentional about their sleep. In his book, 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, Kevin Kruse interviewed 13 Olympic athletes and their number one secret was to get more sleep. Eight hours of sleep isn’t realistic for most of us, but instead of focusing on the quantity of sleep, you should focus on the quality of sleep (ie, maximizing time in deep sleep).

#2 They Exercise
Numerous studies have shown that exercise reduces stress, anxiety and even depression. This is because exercise increases the amount of feel-good hormones like serotonin, and reduces cortisol which is the primary stress hormone. If you like to exercise as much as I do, you are probably groaning at this recommendation. Thankfully, you don’t need to become an overnight gym rat to control your stress. You just need to move in a way that gets your heartbeat way up for twenty minutes a day. A fast walk around the neighborhood, a yoga session, or after work a basketball game would all be great. I felt the difference when I started making it a point to go for my morning walk/jog regularly.

#3 They Train Their Minds
Many of the most emotionally grounded people have strengthened their minds through meditation. If you’re unfamiliar with meditation, it is not about just sitting quietly or trying to channel some mystical energy of the universe. If you understand how lifting weights can make your muscles grow, meditation is the same thing—it literally grows your brain. One Harvard study showed that after eight weeks of meditation there was growth in the hippocampus (the area of the brain that regulates emotion) and a reduction in the brain cell volume in the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for anxiety and stress. The great news is that, unlike a physical workout at the gym, doing a meditation mental workout only takes a few minutes, can be done anywhere, and doesn’t require a change of clothes.

#4 They Are Grounded in Gratitude
Highly successful people have an attitude of gratitude. Negative emotion is easily washed away by positive feelings of gratitude. No matter how bad our situation is, if we pause, it’s usually very easy to see how much better off we are than others. Similar to meditation, having a solid gratitude practice literally changes our brains. Research done at the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center at UCLA shows that gratitude practices impact the brain at the neurochemical level, and acts as a catalyst for neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and nor-epinephrine–all of which have a major impact anxiety and stress response.

One way to adopt a gratitude practice is to simply spend five minutes a day writing in a “gratitude journal”. Personally, as part of my morning ritual, I think of three things that I can feel grateful for. It only takes a minute, I can do it while still in bed or in the shower or even driving to work. The key is you have to pick things that you can actually feel grateful for.

#5 They Reframe With a Growth Mindset
When we feel overwhelmed with too much to do, or angry at someone’s incompetence, or frustrated because our flight was canceled, or disappointed when we failed to close the deal, it is very easy to think: why is this happening to me?

Highly successful people reframe negative experiences into growth experiences. Instead of, “Why is this happening to me” they think “Why is this happening for me?”

#6 Surround yourself with positive people
You probably have a few people in your life who can make you feel stressed just by being around them. While it’s not always possible to cut these people out of your life entirely, when you’re under pressure try to spend more time with friends and family who are helpful, positive, and will lift you up rather than drag you down

Here is a lovely poem by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Finding Our True Direction

I am sure you have tried walking around your home in the dark. With arms stretched out, we feel our way around, stumbling into walls, cupboards, feeling for what is familiar to find our way. It is surely had to see where we are going without light. It’s painful to run into things we didn’t know were there, it can be uncomfortable to not know where our next step may lead. It’s easy to lose our way when our eyes can’t see.

The same is true about the dark seasons of our life. Those times when we feel like we are aimlessly wandering around in the dark, and the divine presence of light feels far out of reach. As we wander, we wonder, where is He? Why isn’t He showing up for me here? Why did He allow this to happen? What now?

The reality of our humanity is that none of us are exempt from the pain and brokenness of this place. We all walk through tragedies and trials, seasons of life where God seems more like a distant elusive entity, rather than a close loving Friend.

Maybe like me, you planned out your life, but it didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to.

Maybe the dream you had in mind has not yet become a reality.

Maybe there was a relapse instead of remission.

Maybe there was divorce instead of reconciliation.

Maybe you were healthy but then illness came out of nowhere are you are waiting for healing.

Maybe you want to start a family, and though you’ve been trying for years, your arms are still empty.

Maybe you deeply desire to be married, and though you’ve gone on date after date, you are still single.

Maybe you were enjoying a stable, smooth life, but now you’re sitting in a season of depression that is dark, ugly, terrifying, and debilitating.

I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
Hafiz of Shiraz

Truth is, sometimes the lights go out in life and we feel left alone in the dark with our pain. So how do we find our way back to the light? How do we take the next step forward when we our eyes can’t see? How do we live with the pain?

When something unthinkable happens, the question isn’t Why? The question is Who?

Who are you? That’s the only thing you can really know. Let what is inexplicable be inexplicable. You can’t change what has happened and you can’t control other people. But you can choose to let adversity teach you something about yourself.

If you lose everything, you are still you.

Nothing that happens, no matter how bad, can erase who you are. You are always you, no matter what happens. Experiences may change you, but deep inside there is always that shining seed of self, the blueprint of who you truly are, guaranteeing the possibility of renewal.

Loss allows space for something else to take root in you. You can let it be wisdom, not bitterness.

When everything else has been taken away, you have a choice to mend the pieces that are left or to stay in the shadowlands. When you move in the direction of wholeness, the power of your intention can ignite your own personal revolution.

An open mind and an open heart can turn the key.

It is hard work to generate gratitude and serenity when you are suffering. Luckily, just wanting to be that kind of person can be enough. With your intentions set in the right direction, peace and contentment will find you.

In persevering through my own darkness, I found a self—call it my authentic self, my immortal soul, core being, my heart center and sanctuary—who can survive whatever life throws at me.

My experience has taught me that the human capacity to endure—and to do it with grace, courage, and joy—does not really depend on anything outside of ourselves. Even when life seems impossible, the brilliant light inside yourself is enough to see your way through your own darkest nights.

Baby Bird Syndrome

Have you spent a lot of time trying to help people who very clearly aren’t ready to accept help? This is called the “baby bird syndrome” where you pick the wounded animal off the ground and try to slowly nurse it back to health. But what if all that baby bird does is resist your help? For someone who loves a good “fix-it” job, it’s important to know that trying to help someone who doesn’t want or isn’t ready to be helped is a noble effort, but ultimately it’s like asking to be punched in the face.

How can you stand by, though, when someone you love is self-destructing? How can you not at least try to make them see that they’re hurting themselves?

The missing piece is that the other person has to want help. You can’t force them to believe anything is wrong — wrong enough to warrant some major changes in their life. 1) Change is scary and 2) Admitting you have huge innate flaws is scary. People like to think they have a handle on themselves until they really, really don’t. And even then sometimes, they will fight you, kicking and screaming, and still not realize they are in trouble. They’re so used to being on a boat with a hole in the bottom, retaining water, that they don’t even believe in boats without that.

The person you are trying to help wants to believe they can live a normal life, just like they assume everyone else is. They want to believe they don’t have to sacrifice, that they don’t have special circumstances, and they don’t have tendencies other people don’t. If their problem is drinking or drugs or relationships, they wonder: why when everyone else does these things does it not end up in disaster? Why is it when I do them, there are always major consequences or problems?

You want to help them. You want to be there for them and see what you can do to make their problems go away. Maybe at first you do help them, gently making suggestions, then more adamantly pushing them to admit they have a problem. But then they harden. They turn stubborn and think you’re trying to sabotage them or that you’re overreacting or that you don’t care about them, when all you’re doing is caring.

You can not help someone who doesn’t want help. I know it’s frustrating. It’s like a terrifying Ferris wheel, where they keep going ’round and ’round, making the same mistakes over and over while you stand on the ground and watch, sucking in breath through your teeth and holding your tongue.

If your offers of advice and support are being rejected, you may feel like you’re powerless to do anything. But you can still be there for your friend; you might just need to take a different approach to the way you’re supporting them.

Be available
Continue to be supportive. Listen to your friend when they need to talk.

Offer help
Give suggestions, if and when your friend reaches out to you and asks for your advice.

Become informed
Do a bit of research into what help is available in your area that could be useful for your friend. That way, if they decide they’re ready to seek help, you’ll be able to give them some direction about who to go and see.

Talk to someone yourself
You need to look after yourself, too. It can be really frustrating, and make you feel helpless, if a friend won’t let you help them. Talk through how you’re feeling with someone you trust.

Set boundaries
You’re not going to be able to be there for someone at every moment of every day. Set some limits on things you’re willing and not willing to do – and stick to them!

Don’t force the issue or put pressure on them
If you try to pressure or force a friend to get help, it may come from a good place, but it can actually have the opposite effect to what you intend and could turn your friend off seeking help altogether.

Don’t avoid them
If you avoid your friend, it’s likely to make them feel isolated. It may also mean that if and when they’re ready to seek help, they might not feel comfortable about coming to you for support.

Let people grow on their own level. Don’t try to pull them up just because you can. Your intention may be helping but in reality you may land up doing more harm than good.

It’s their experience, their journey and their challenges to overcome. Leave them be unless they come to you for help.

After all, maybe the ones who don’t get it, aren’t supposed to.

Make Time for Things You Love

Two of the all-time biggest reasons or excuses people use when it comes to not living a life of passion and fulfilment are:

Time and money.

We’ve heard this over and over again. Make time for the things that make you happy and for people you love. Time flies and you don’t want to look back one day with a regret. I sometimes wonder why we get voluntarily overwhelmed by the things that don’t even matter.

Urgent is not important

People often think that everything urgent must be important. But it’s not. You don’t need to be everywhere. You don’t need to solve every problem someone involved you in or fight the battle you don’t even care about.

Have you ever said or thought phrases like these

If I just had more time in the day then I’d make it work, but my life is so jam-packed!

I just ran out of time to get it done.

I don’t have time right now.

What “I Don’t Have Time” Really Means

We all have the same amount of time in a day. It is one of the few things that actually puts us all on an equal playing field! So why is it that there are some people who seem to be able to achieve more?

Well the answer is actually quite simple: whenever any of us say “I don’t have time,” what we really mean is:

“It’s just not a priority for me right now.”

Becoming aware of this statement will become a massive wake-up call—just like it was for me. Because all of a sudden you will interrupt your normal way of being, thinking and doing—which for many of us means being caught up in constant excuses.

Changing your language is one of the fastest ways to change your life. So try out some of these replacement phrases and see how it feels to get real:

I don’t have time to work on my passion = My passion isn’t a priority right now

I don’t have time to exercise = My health isn’t a priority right now

I don’t have time to meditate = My mind balance isn’t a priority right now

Now, of course, it might actually be that these things (for example, passion, health, meditation, etc.) are important to you, but you just actually aren’t making them a priority, because you’ve been entertaining an old and familiar conversation in your head. You have been giving the “I don’t have time” thoughts all the attention and power.

When you start to change the conversation in your head, you’ll be taking the first step towards living in alignment with your highest priorities.

For example:

I don’t have time to work on my passion—becomes—My passion is a priority and I will do 5 minutes tonight toward it.

I don’t have time to exercise—becomes—My health is a priority and I will do 5 squats right now.

I don’t have time to meditate—becomes—My mind balance is a priority and I will take 3 deep, mindful breaths to prove it

How to Magically Make More Time for Yourself

1. Start (Super) Small

With any habit change, it’s really important to start as small as you can. Getting into that first phase of momentum can be challenging as you’re used to doing things the “old” way. It can be somewhat comfortable. Because although our tendency is to shoot high and go all out from the outset, it’s often not sustainable, and can be seriously deflating when you don’t meet your goal.

2. Get Clear on What You Actually Want

Before you can move from where you don’t want to be (and work out how to create more time to get there), you have to know where you actually want to go (or at the minimum identify some place different than where you are now). Take some time to figure this out. What is your passion?

And although we are almost 4 months into the year, you can still create some 2022 goals and action items before the year’s out.

3. Ask Yourself “What Am I Actually Scared of?”

Time is an excuse. Usually people use it because they are scared of something else.

Is it failure, success, being unsure of yourself, not believing you are worthy?

Get super curious about what the time excuse is a cover for—and you will not only magically make more time for yourself, but you’ll also create more power for yourself.

4. Use the “In Between” Time

We have so much “in between” time in our days. Waiting in line, waiting on hold on the phone, waiting for the kids to come out of school, or for your boss to show up at the meeting. Start using these micro times to work on your passion projects. You’d be surprised how much five minutes of consistent daily action gets you.

5. Stocktake the “Wasted” Hours of Your Day

So many of us fill our days with unnecessary tasks that actually progress us nowhere. Is it TV, gossiping, scrolling the social networks, lunch breaks at work, etc.?

Whatever it is for you, take stock of it, and either cut it out or make better use of it. Remember, is this really a priority for you?

6. Start Saying NO

You need to have boundaries in your life. If you cannot say NO, other people’s priorities will sneak into your day and become your priorities.

Do you offer to help others out because you feel obligated instead of honoring your own priorities? Do you find yourself doing “busy” work that can wait (cleaning the house endlessly, doing chores) because they give you a feeling of getting somewhere?

I think a good question to ask is: What is this at a cost to? Because by saying yes to something, you are by default saying no to something else you might rather (and perhaps should rather) do. And saying no to something means you are able to say yes to something really important.

7. Delegate

Release your need for control. Most people have this insane need to control everything in their lives. Don’t worry, most of us have suffered from this once upon a time, too! But you can find people around you that actually love the things that you despise. What a great match that is!

Just make sure that when you are delegating to that person, they actually want or enjoy the thing you are asking. If it is in a home setting, perhaps you need to have an open and frank conversation with the other people you live with.

For many of us who claim to have no time, it’s simply poor management of that time. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking “If I don’t do x-y-z, then nobody will do it!” Let go of some tasks that are mundane or drain you and ask for help!

Time Is Your Most Precious Resource

You can always get more stuff—more money—but no matter how much you accumulate, you cannot write a check at the end of your life and purchase more time! Time is constantly ticking. There is no reverse switch, and the decisions you make about how to spend your time will largely determine the quality of your life.

So are you ready to stop fooling yourself that you don’t have time to do what matters to you? Are you ready to live a life that you love and to take the small steps towards making it happen? Are you ready to start treating time as the precious and finite resource it is?

Turning your back on the crowd…to Lead

When I first saw this quote on one of my friend’s Whatsapp story, I was filled with awe. I see so many people in leadership who spend a lot of time wanting to be “in the crowd” instead of leading the crowd. No doubt it is hard to turn our backs to the cheering crowd — it seems so fun to be in the middle of it all, but a woman or man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn her/his back on the crowd.

Why? Because leadership is strengthened when a few willing and wise members who are under the guidance of a great leader will learn, watch and grow and then produce other great leaders.

When you become a leader, success is all about growing others
Jack Welch

If you check on Wikipedia you will see that a “smaller-sized orchestra of about fifty musicians or fewer is called a chamber orchestra. A full-size orchestra has between 70–100 musicians and they are sometimes called a symphony orchestra or philharmonic orchestra. Orchestras are usually led by a conductor who directs the performance by way of visible gestures. The conductor unifies the orchestra, sets the tempo and shapes the sound.”

Of course we all want to be liked, but liking someone is a feeling that can just as easily disappear when the next shiny object takes its place, and, if that is the case, that’s not leadership but following the crowd, and when the crowd goes in the wrong direction, by sheer force, the one who wanted to lead will be swept away into the middle of the crowd and lose their standing. Unfortunately we see it all the time.

When you believe you have the heart, ability and strength of leadership, then put a stake in the ground and move in the right direction for the good of your team instead of waiting to test the winds of change for your next step. Leadership moves forward; even a slow step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction.

All of us have our own spheres of influence. Do others trust you enough to follow your leadership, do they trust you enough to turn from the crowd and leave what they have known to follow you? Have you, as the orchestra conductor, spent time in developing leaders who will, after you’re gone, be able to command the respect and loyalty of others that they are currently showing to you? Or are you like most others, wasting valuable time by chasing the crowd and spending your time running to the front of the parade?

The conductor must remain focused on the musicians, he/she cannot pay attention to the crowd or anything else for that matter. The applause of the crowd is a by-product and not the main goal!

What I find interesting about the relatively small number of musicians in an orchestra is how a few people on a stage under the direction of a great conductor can bring thousands to their feet in applause and appreciation.

Just think what you could do if you focused on the orchestra of your team or your friends. By your life, your personal leadership standards, and I’ll add, your principles, you can unify, set and shape the outcome for a positive ending. But that will only happen when you turn your back on the crowd and lead.

7 Ways to Avoid Gossiping and Be Happy

Gossiping comes naturally to ALL of us. We see a lot of it in the media around famous personalities. But we gossip even in our day-to-day lives, very regularly. You may be a victim of it or you may participate in it. You may tell a friend or a co-worker something in confidence (you think). Before the day is over, almost everyone knows about it. It can be extremely painful to find out your friends and colleagues are talking about you behind your back. But worse, it can severely damage your reputation and even your career.

Gossip doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Perhaps you gossip to entertain yourself or to lighten the atmosphere. Maybe you’re surrounded by people who see it as a way to bond with you. But gossip turns into a toxic activity when it is done to harm another person intentionally. It affects you in many ways, may even make you anxious and miserable.

If you’re looking for ways to manage this, here are a few points for you to follow:

Ask yourself if there’s any point in the gossip.

Human beings are social creatures, and communication is a vital part of society. So whenever someone starts gossiping about a person with you, ask yourself:

“Does it need to be said?” “Am I gaining something from it?” “Is it true? Do I know the other person’s side of the story?”

If you find yourself saying “no” or “nothing” in your head, you need to stop yourself from becoming an accessory to such toxicity. Imparting information is one thing, but if someone gossips to stroke their ego, it isn’t worth it for you in the long run.

Either listen passively to the gossip, switch the topic or make an excuse and walk away from that situation — virtually and literally. Save yourself from the negativity.

Defend the person (or subject) if possible.

You must understand that the person who’s gossiping with you might not come from a place of truth. You could, therefore, defend the gossip with a detail you know about the person being talked about. Remind the gossipmonger that they’re not aware of the complete picture.

There are two ways in which the conversation will flow: First, they will stop the discussion immediately. Or, they will tell you another gossip on top of it, mostly a personal attack on the person. If this happens, use phrases like: “I don’t know.” “Seriously?” “Is it?”

People who gossip love to be correct all the time. Engage them with words but not emotionally. You’ll be off the hook when they feel they have won despite your defense about the person.

Pick your words wisely during gossip.

When you’re talking ill about a person (and enjoying it), you could use incredibly vicious words. Don’t pass remarks unnecessarily on someone’s character, hygiene, or how they dress and talk simply because you’re gossiping about the person.

Before you start such a conversation, rethink the words you plan to use. Is it possible for you to use a softer substitute for the word? Using lighter words during the conversation can reduce the intensity of the gossip or even cut it short.

Pause for a moment and think about the person.

Whenever there’s an opportunity to gossip, I always think about the person. Why am I talking about them? What do I not like about them?

If you find yourself talking about how, for instance, someone is heavily reliant on his/her family, emotionally stunted, and cowardly, stop and try to identify the problem here. Is this how you feel about the cousin? Do you feel jealous of the attention given to her? Does her family want to be helpful wholeheartedly? Whatever the answers, accept the truth, and move on. If someone’s causing you to worry, it’s best not to fuel your thoughts about them at all!

Cut off negative people from your life.

If you find the gossipmonger constantly challenging your world negatively, remove the person from your life. Break the chain of toxicity. Block them from social media, delete their phone number, and cut all ties — no matter how brutal that seems.

Suppose it’s a family member or an office colleague who gossips incessantly and you can’t break ties with them permanently. In that case, you might have to set a time limit or always have an excuse to leave the conversation.

The best way to stop gossiping is by removing gossipmongers from your life, then there would be no one to tempt or instigate you to spread negativity about a person.

Observe your tendency to gossip.

If you were to spend a day with people who love talking about others, you might begin to notice a slightly compulsive quality in your desire to gossip. When that happens, pretend the person you want to gossip about is standing next to you. Would you say anything offensive if they’re in front of you? In most cases, you wouldn’t. So why gossip behind their backs?

Create your own Happiness

How would you define a happy person? Most of the research in the field of psychology defines a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, pride, and sometimes infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger. Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions. The ancient Greeks defined happiness as: “Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.”

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn

Happiness has traditionally been considered difficult to find or a fading thing. To some, even trying to achieve it is an exercise in futility.

It has been said that: “Happiness is, as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.
Dalai Lama

The power is within us.

The foundations for Happiness are good Relationships, good Health, and Abundance (fulfillment, contentment, sense of accomplishment, sense of purpose).

Happiness comes from choosing to be happy with whatever you do, strengthening your closest relationships and taking care of yourself physically, financially and emotionally.

Many might say that money is a big part of the equation. But intrigued with discovering the secrets to a meaningful and happy life, a group of Harvard researchers launched a study in 1938. Then, they followed 268 male Harvard undergraduates – for 75 years.
The unique Harvard Grant Study collected data on the men’s lives through surveys and interviews. They looked at all aspects, including relationships, politics, and religion, coping strategies and alcohol use. What they found may surprise you.
Perhaps one of the biggest revelations was that love really does matter when it comes to living a fulfilled life.

Relationships are the only things that matter in life. You could have a successful career, money and good physical health, but without supportive, loving relationships, you’d be unhappy. The ability to take in love is a great human skill. Even our earliest relationships are important to long-term happiness, especially the mother-child relationship. At the end of the day we are social creatures, from our cradle to our grave.

The 3-pillars mentioned above i.e. Relationships, Abundance & Health are closely interconnected or intertwined. At different times in our lives, we can be in a vicious-cycle or virtuous-cycle depending on where we are in our Happiness Journey!.

Unhealthy or toxic Relationships can adversely impact you Health and impede your success and be a roadblock to Abundance (i.e. contentment, sense of achievement & purpose). The opposite is also true, poor physical or emotional health such as chronic illness or being stressed, anxious & depressed can definitely impact your Relationships and Abundance. Also, feeling of discontent, feeling defeated, self-doubt, being “lost” and lacking a sense of purpose can have a negative impact on your Relationships and Health. This leads to a vicious-cycle or unhappiness spiral.

On the other hand, if you strengthen your Relationships, with yourself and others, your Health and Abundance will increase tremendously. Also, managing your stress, anxiety & depression reduces your risk for chronic illness and/or may help you recover faster. This, in turn, will enhance you Relationships and boost your Abundance & success. This leads to a virtuous-cycle of joy & Happiness.

What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life?

If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy?

Here are some great ways to create your own happiness:

Don’t obsess over things you cannot control
Choose your battles wisely
Get enough sleep
Exercise (at least during the week!)
Have a growth mindset
Clear the clutter
Lend a hand
Believe the best is yet to come

Let nothing stand in your way in creating your own happiness!

How to Improve Work-Life Balance

Work often takes precedence over everything else in our lives. Our desire to succeed professionally can push us to set aside our own well-being. Creating a harmonious work-life balance or work-life integration is critical, though, to improve not only our physical, emotional and mental well-being, but it’s also important for our career.

In short, work-life balance is the state of equilibrium where a person equally prioritizes the demands of one’s career and the demands of one’s personal life. Some of the common reasons that lead to a poor work-life balance include:

Increased responsibilities at work
Working longer hours
Increased responsibilities at home
Having children

A good work-life balance has numerous positive effects, including less stress, a lower risk of burnout and a greater sense of well-being. This not only benefits employees but employers, too.
Chris Chancey, Career Expert

When creating a schedule that works for you, think about the best way to achieve balance at work and in your personal life. It is less about dividing the hours in your day evenly between work and personal life and, instead, is more about having the flexibility to get things done in your professional life while still having time and energy to enjoy your personal life. There may be some days where you work longer hours so you have time later in the week to enjoy other activities.

Here are eight ways to create a better work-life balance:

1. Accept that there is no ‘perfect’ work-life balance.

When you hear “work-life balance,” you probably imagine having an extremely productive day at work, and leaving early to spend the other half of the day with friends and family. While this may seem ideal, it is not always possible.

Don’t strive for the perfect schedule; strive for a realistic one. Some days, you might focus more on work, while other days you might have more time and energy to pursue your hobbies or spend time with your loved ones. Balance is achieved over time, not each day.

2. Find a job that you love.

Although work is an expected societal norm, your career shouldn’t be restraining. If you hate what you do, you aren’t going to be happy, plain and simple. You don’t need to love every aspect of your job, but it needs to be exciting enough that you don’t dread getting out of bed every morning.

Finding a job that you are so passionate about you would do it for free. If your job is draining you, and you are finding it difficult to do the things you love outside of work, something is wrong. You may be working in a toxic environment, for a toxic person, or doing a job that you truly don’t love. If this is the case, it is time to find a new job.

3. Prioritize your health.

Your overall physical, emotional and mental health should be your main concern. If you struggle with anxiety or depression and think therapy would benefit you, fit those sessions into your schedule, even if you have to leave work early or ditch your evening spin class. If you are battling a chronic illness, don’t be afraid to call in sick on rough days. Overworking yourself prevents you from getting better, possibly causing you to take more days off in the future.

Prioritizing your health first and foremost will make you a better employee and person. You will miss less work, and when you are there, you will be happier and more productive. Prioritizing your health doesn’t have to consist of radical or extreme activities. It can be as simple as daily meditation or exercise.

4. Don’t be afraid to unplug.

Cutting ties with the outside world from time to time allows us to recover from weekly stress and gives us space for other thoughts and ideas to emerge. Unplugging can mean something simple like practicing transit meditation on your daily commute, instead of checking work emails.

Here is something I had shared earlier this year: Give Yourself a Break

5. Take a vacation.

Sometimes, truly unplugging means taking vacation time and shutting work completely off for a while. Whether your vacation consists of a one-day staycation or a two-week trip to Bali, it’s important to take time off to physically and mentally recharge.

According to the State of American Vacation 2018 study conducted by the U.S. Travel Association, 52% of employees reported having unused vacation days left over at the end of the year. Employees are often worried that taking time off will disrupt the workflow, and they will be met with a backlog of work when they return. This fear should not restrict you from taking a much-needed break.

The truth is, there is no nobility in not taking well-deserved time away from work; the benefits of taking a day off far outweigh the downsides. With proper planning, you can take time away without worrying about burdening your colleagues or contending with a huge workload when you return.

6. Make time for yourself and your loved ones.

While your job is important, it shouldn’t be your entire life. You were an individual before taking this position, and you should prioritize the activities or hobbies that make you happy. Achieving work-life balance requires deliberate action.

If you do not firmly plan for personal time, you will never have time to do other things outside of work. No matter how hectic your schedule might be, you ultimately have control of your time and life.

When planning time with your loved ones, create a calendar for romantic and family dates. It may seem weird to plan one-on-one time with someone you live with, but it will ensure that you spend quality time with them without work-life conflict. Just because work keeps you busy doesn’t mean you should neglect personal relationships.

Realize that no one at your company is going to love you or appreciate you the way your loved ones do. Also that everyone is replaceable at work, and no matter how important you think your job is, the company will not miss a beat tomorrow if you are gone.

7. Set boundaries and work hours.

Set boundaries for yourself and your colleagues, to avoid burnout. When you leave the office, avoid thinking about upcoming projects or answering company emails. Consider having a separate computer or phone for work, so you can shut it off when you clock out. If that isn’t possible, use separate browsers, emails or filters for your work and personal platforms.

Whether you work away from home or at home, it is important to determine when you will work and when you will stop working; otherwise, you might find yourself answering work-related emails late at night, during vacations or on weekends off.

Also it may help to notify team members and your manager about boundaries beyond which you cannot be accessible because you are engaged in personal activities. This will help to ensure that they understand and respect your workplace limits and expectations.

8. Set goals and priorities (and stick to them).

Set achievable goals by implementing time-management strategies, analyzing your to-do list, and cutting out tasks that have little to no value.

Pay attention to when you are most productive at work and block that time off for your most important work-related activities. Avoid checking your emails and phone every few minutes, as those are major time-wasting tasks that derail your attention and productivity. Structuring your day can increase productivity at work, which can result in more free time to relax outside of work.