Kenrick Vaz

Featured

Our Miracle

Today we complete 7 years since we said “I do” and it’s a little over 7 months since Keanah came into this world. My heart is filled with gratitude for the amazing journey we’ve been on so far. Biblically, the number 7 is often considered a symbol of completeness and perfection. And through the ups and downs, through the days and nights I’ve fought with the Lord, asking Him “Why Lord???”, as I look back today, I can definitely say that so far He has made things beautiful, perfect and complete in HIS time.

I thought today is a perfect opportunity to share our journey with you through 7 major miracles that tested and deepened my faith. Both Ana and myself were drawn to share our journey so that when Keanah grows up we have this to share with her without missing any details as to why we call her our miracle.

Miracle 1: Pain
Our journey starts in June 2020 when we first conceived. We were so so happy, we had been trying for little less than a year. However, our hearts broke when we went for our ultrasound in the 7-8th week and heard no heartbeat. Our gynaec told us that it’s a blighted ovum and there’s nothing to worry. We then conceived again in April 2021. The challenging part this time was that I was down with Covid. Again, no heartbeat in the 7-8th week. We were really upset this time and the worst part is we had to deal with it alone for sometime as I was in isolation. Our gynaec made us do a full set of tests to figure out why the foetus wasn’t growing. We then got to know that Ana has a condition where her immunity is high. It was treating the foetus as a foreign body and hence attacking it. Why do I say this is a miracle? Well if not diagnosed, her high immunity would eventually lead to conditions like autoimmune diseases. It’s good we could deal with this now so that we don’t have to suffer with other catastrophic consequences.

Miracle 2: Conception
In July 2022, we had decided to move to the US for a few years. Everyone kept asking me why aren’t you going there and it seemed like a good time to make the move. God had other plans!

On August 10, Mama’s birthday, Ana woke up feeling very sick. And then got even more cranky as she had planned to do a few things to celebrate her Mama’s birthday and now couldn’t do anything. Towards the afternoon, we did a test and got to know we’re pregnant! Our plan to move went out of the window and our focus now was solely on ensuring things go ahead with all that we learned from our past two experiences.

A few days after we got to know we are pregnant!

Miracle 3: Finding Dr. Payal
Even though we started on all the medication as prescribed by our gynaec, when we went for the ultrasound in the sixth week, we didn’t hear the heartbeat. We visited our gynaec and we weren’t happy when we left her clinic.

Recently a new maternity hospital, Motherhood, had opened just near our place. So we decided to visit them for a second opinion. Since I could go only in the evening (because of work!), we saw Dr. Payal available. I quickly checked online and saw good reviews about her. When we met her, both Ana and I immediately felt she is so much like my sister Melanie. At once we felt at home and comfortable with her.

We spent over 45 minutes explaining to her everything. She patiently and calmly listened to us. And told us to continue the medication and do the ultrasound again on 1 September. When we left her cabin we both knew that this is the doctor who we would love to continue with. She made us feel understood, answered all our questions so well and assured us that we’re in the right hands. I don’t think we’ve ever had such an experience with a doctor. It was different, felt perfect for us and we both trusted her completely. We don’t know what we would have done without her and her ever positive attitude. She played an important part in our journey and words aren’t enough to make anyone understand how much she means to the both of us.

Miracle 4: The Heartbeat
On 1 September we went for the ultrasound. We’ve been for 6 ultrasounds before this one and I knew Ana was nervous, scared and tensed. I was a wreck too but I had to appear strong for her, being positive. Before leaving I had a quick chat with Shweta, my work colleague who has become a very close friend. She told me “I’m praying, I know everything will go well this time and I want a girl!”

Ana went in for the ultrasound at Motherhood and my heart was in my mouth when the nurse came out in a matter of minutes. I then realised she came to call me in as well. This was the first time I’d be in the room for the ultrasound. The previous ones, at other hospitals, didn’t allow me in.

When the Dr started, we heard the heartbeat for the very first time. It was music to my ears, the best thing I had ever heard till date. Tears rolled down my face with joy and I almost jumped off my stool to hug the doctor! We were over the moon!

The tough part was from then till February, Ana had to take injections everyday along with blood thinners to help ensure there’s good blood supply going to the foetus. The daily injections changed to alternate days after November. Giving those injections every time with a brave face is definitely one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do, but Ana had to endure much more, bearing all that pain in addition to all the changes taking place in her body with the baby growing inside her. It’s amazing how situations bring out so much strength that we have within us.

Miracle 5: Special? Of course!
In mid-October our gynaec sent us for our NT scan. It’s a test where the nuchal fluid behind the baby’s neck is measured. A high level indicates that there’s a 80% chance of your baby having genetic defects like Down syndrome. Our hearts broke when we saw our reading. It was 3.92, whereas the normal is not more than 2.5. We were so upset. And when our gynaec said this is the highest she’s ever seen, I was a mess. We cried bitterly when we returned. That period is probably the most I’ve fought with God. Why all this when we do so much for you and the church? Why!?

I wasn’t happy with the test, so Dr. Payal sent us to one of the best fetal specialists in Pune, Dr. Pooja Lodha. Our appointment was at 1pm but we finally went in at around 4pm. The NT this time was 2.6, still high. But again, Dr. Pooja took her time to explain everything to us in great detail. We had two issues, one where the pressure at the artery supplying blood to baby was high. And secondly there were multiple fibroids. She said it’ll be a miracle if we have a normal delivery.

Dr. Pooja is definitely a gem of a person and absolutely fantastic at what she does. Again we were blessed with the best. What we loved the most are the lovely pics she shared of baby at almost every visit of ours.

Since the level was still high Dr. Payal then told us that since this scan is only 80% accurate and could also be a false positive, there are additional tests. The most accurate one is where they extract fluid from the foetus to test. It’s a risky procedure with a chance of miscarriage. I then asked her what is the point of doing all these tests. Anyway it’s a genetic issue and there’s nothing we with can do. So she replied that if we’re sure it’s a genetic issue you have the option to abort. I immediately told her there’s no way we’re aborting this baby. We’ve struggled to get here and we will accept it. It’s a gift from God. And moreover our religion doesn’t allow us to abort. So she still advised us to do the tests as we will have peace of mind if it’s all good, rather than stressing for the remaining 6 months wondering what’s going to happen.

We came home, discussed with each other and with our immediate family. Ana and I then decided that we won’t do the tests. We had already done enough of tests so far and we trusted God completely. The miracle? We did the genetic tests after Keanah was born and the reports came back completely normal! When we shared this with Dr. Payal, she told us the whole team at Motherhood rejoiced when they heard about the report. She then smiled and added “good comes to those who do good”

Miracle 6: Amniotic Cocktail
In February, at 32 weeks, we did our ultrasound with Dr. Pooja followed by our visit to Dr. Payal. We got a little startled when Dr said that Ana needs to get admitted as the amniotic fluid level is very low. It’s 5 whereas it’s supposed to be 15. After Ana got admitted Dr told me that if the levels don’t come up we will have to deliver immediately. However, Ana was on blood thinners and injections till that point. We needed her to be off them for at least 6-7 days before we can operate her. Miraculously the high pressure at the artery connecting the foetus was normal for the first time ever! If that was still high we would have had one more complication to deal with. Ana was given drips to increase her amniotic fluid. The fluid was thick and the drips were very painful.

That evening I came home for a quick bath and to collect a few things. I fell to my knees and begged God to bring up the amniotic levels. That’s the best outcome for us. Thankfully it went up to 10 over the next 3-4 days. We were so relieved. However we had to go back every alternate day to get those extremely painful amniotic cocktails to maintain the fluid levels. I don’t understand how Ana had the strength to put on a brave face through it all.

Miracle 7: 26 March
We visited Dr. Payal at our 36 week mark and she said baby is doing well, why do you want to suffer with those painful drips any longer? Baby is ready, let’s admit Ana on 25th late night and try inducing. By morning if we’re not successful, we will do a c-section. We weren’t expecting it to be so soon. I remember talking to my cousin Neisha about a few things regarding the delivery just before we got to know it’s going to happen in a matter of hours!

Before we left for the hospital, 25 March 2023

At midnight we got admitted to Motherhood. And just as Ana entered the labour room, she went naturally into labour. Dr. Payal who was with Ana said “baby also knew that it’s time to come out!” After around 11 hours, Keanah was born, natural delivery, a miracle in Dr. Pooja’s words! And Shweta’s wish was answered, she got her girl! 😊

Many who were present at Keanah’s baptism heard us singing Michael Buble’s “Forever now”. And both Ana and I were very emotional. I was overwhelmed with emotions as I sang the lines “you’ve got so much strength inside you, a strength we pray you’ll never need”. After all we had gone through, these words just meant a lot, we identified so strongly with them. We wouldn’t want Keanah or anyone to have these experiences. And yet we’re so grateful because this journey has definitely strengthened our relationship with each other and more importantly with God.

Thank you Nihal for capturing this :)

Even though the journey has been something I was never prepared for, He made sure that He sent his angels to take care of us. Our families have been our strongest pillars of strength through it all, they stormed heaven with their prayers and have been with us at every step of the way. Dr. Payal and Dr. Pooja were heaven sent, came in at the right time when we needed them the most and hence we always knew we were in the best of hands always. So many of our family and friends showed up when we needed them the most. The community at Mount Carmel’s and our priests at our parish along with our Sunday school teachers and choir kids prayed fervently for us, we’re eternally grateful to all of them for their prayers. It’s amazing how much love, prayers and support we’ve been showered with on this journey.

The view of Mount Carmels (Ana’s alma mater) from Motherhood

As we hold our precious little Keanah in our arms, we are filled with gratitude for the incredible journey that brought us to where we are today. The challenges and triumphs along the way have made this experience all the more profound and beautiful. Our hearts are full, and we can’t wait to embrace the adventure that lies ahead as a family. This miraculous journey has just begun, and we are eager to see where it takes us.

Featured

How Mature Are You?

Age alone does not an adult make. But what does? What makes you finally, really an adult? Adulthood is a social construct. For that matter, so is childhood. But like all social constructs, they have real consequences. They determine who is legally responsible for their actions and who is not, what roles people are allowed to assume in society, how people view each other, and how they view themselves. But even in the realms where it should be easiest to define the difference—law, physical development—adulthood defies simplicity.

You can’t drink until you are 21, but legal adulthood, along with voting and the ability to join the army, comes at age 18. Or does it? You’re allowed to watch adult movies at 17. In many countries kids can hold a job as young as 14, depending on state restrictions, and are even allowed to deliver newspapers, babysit, or work for their parents even younger than that.

Chronological age is not a particularly good indicator [of maturity], but it’s something we need to do for practical purposes. We all know people who are 21 or 22 years old who are very wise and mature, but we also know people who are very immature and very reckless. We’re not going to start giving people maturity tests to decide whether they can buy alcohol or not.

There is definitely no certain age at which maturity sets in. In my personal experiences, I’ve observed that age has little or nothing to do with it. I have met young people who are mature well beyond their years, and I’ve known older folks who act childish, only thinking about themselves. So the question is: What are the character traits that show maturity? And do “mature” people exhibit them 100% of the time?

Well, I’m not sure that we can be mature in every situation that presents itself to us because we are always growing and learning as human beings, and I’m pretty sure that all of us have been guilty of at least some of these negative behaviors at least once in our lives. That being said, by considering these 25 tell-tale signs, perhaps we can be more aware of the interludes in which our whiny, complaining, adolescent self rears its immature head…

1. Realizing how much you don’t know.

2. Listening more and talking less.

3. Being aware and considerate of others as opposed to being self-absorbed, self-centered, and inconsiderate.

4. Not taking everything personally, getting easily offended, or feeling the need to defend, prove, or make excuses for yourself.

5. Being grateful and gracious, not complaining.

6. Taking responsibility for your own health and happiness, not relying on others to “fix” you or placing blame for your circumstances.

7. Having forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others.

8. Being calm and peaceful, not desperate, frantic, or irrational.

9. Showing flexibility and openness as opposed to resisting, controlling, or being unreasonable.

10. Helping yourself, not just expecting others to do it for you out of a sense of entitlement.

11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you other than knowing you helped, being selfless.

12. Respecting another’s point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment, not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.

13. Sharing your good fortune with others.

14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.

15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.

16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.

17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.

18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve and reaching out for help.

19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.

20. Recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different.

21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.

22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself, not needing someone else to “complete” you.

23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.

24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.

25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.

I’m sure there are probably other signs, but this list covers at least the majority of them. I know we can always do a better job displaying our mature sides. I also know that, by doing so, we lift each other up through our example. What’s most important, however, is seeing the negative side of our behavior and knowing we must do something positive to change it…And that, my friends, is WISDOM.

The Real Flex Is Keeping Your Cool

Someone says something that annoys you.

You feel the reaction immediately. Your heart rate picks up. You start planning the perfect response. Maybe you want to prove them wrong. Maybe you want the last word. Maybe you want everyone in the room to know that you are not going to take it.

Then you pause.

That pause is powerful.

Staying calm when someone expects you to react takes more strength than reacting ever will. Anyone can fire back when they feel disrespected. Anyone can send the angry text, raise their voice, make the sarcastic comment, or turn a small disagreement into a bigger one.

Calm takes control.

Think about how often people try to pull a reaction out of you. A colleague challenges your idea in front of everyone. Someone takes credit for work you did. A friend makes a comment that hits a nerve. Someone cuts you off in traffic and then has the nerve to look angry at you.

Your first instinct might be to respond.

You don’t have to.

There is a difference between responding and reacting. A reaction belongs to the moment. A response belongs to you.

That small gap between the two can change everything.

When you stay calm, you get to decide what happens next. You can ask a better question. You can choose better words. You can walk away. You can address the issue later when everyone has cooled down. Sometimes you can decide that the situation isn’t worth another minute of your attention.

That last one is harder than it sounds.

We often confuse having something to say with needing to say it. We think silence means weakness. We worry that if we don’t defend ourselves immediately, someone will think they won.

Life doesn’t work that way.

You don’t lose because someone misunderstood you. You don’t lose because someone got the last word. You don’t lose because you refused to turn an uncomfortable moment into a public argument.

There is a quiet confidence in knowing you don’t have to prove yourself every time someone pushes a button.

This matters even more at work.

Leadership puts you in situations where people watch how you handle pressure. A difficult meeting can go sideways in seconds. One frustrated comment can change the tone of the room. If the person leading the conversation becomes defensive, everyone feels it.

The calm person changes the temperature.

They listen. They ask what happened. They separate the problem from the personality. They deal with the issue without making the person the issue.

That doesn’t mean accepting poor behavior.

You can be firm without being angry. You can say, “That’s not acceptable,” without shouting. You can disagree without making it personal. You can hold someone accountable without trying to embarrass them.

Calm isn’t passive.

Calm is having enough control over yourself to choose your next move.

The same thing applies outside work.

Your child is having a meltdown. Your partner is frustrated. Someone in your family says something you don’t like. You are tired, stressed, and already carrying too much in your head.

It takes almost nothing to snap.

Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is lower your voice.

Take a breath. Give yourself ten seconds. Let the first sentence stay inside your head.

You might still need to have the conversation. You might still need to set a boundary. You might still need to say exactly what bothered you.

You just get to do it without handing your emotions the steering wheel.

There is another benefit to staying calm. You start seeing people differently.

When you stop reacting to every provocation, you notice patterns. You notice who communicates well under pressure. You notice who needs conflict to feel powerful. You notice who respects boundaries. You notice which conversations lead somewhere and which ones are designed to waste your energy.

That awareness is useful.

Not every battle deserves your attention. Not every opinion deserves a rebuttal. Not every criticism deserves an explanation.

Your attention is limited. Spend it carefully.

The real flex isn’t making sure everyone knows you were right.

It’s being secure enough to let the moment pass without losing yourself in it.

Someone can expect an angry reply and get a calm answer.

Someone can expect you to defend yourself and get a thoughtful question.

Someone can expect you to lose your temper and watch you walk away.

That kind of control speaks for itself.

The Songs We Leave Behind

Someone is still listening to the music you showed them.

Maybe they play it on the way to work. Maybe it comes on while they’re cooking dinner. Maybe they hear the first few seconds of a song in a crowded café and suddenly remember a conversation they had with you years ago.

You might never know.

That’s the strange thing about the small pieces of ourselves we leave with other people. We usually have no idea where they end up.

You recommend a song because you think they’ll like it. You send them an album because it got you through a difficult week. You play something in the car and say, “Listen to this part.”

At the time, it feels ordinary.

Years later, that same song might still be sitting in their playlist.

Music has a funny way of carrying people with it. A song can hold a place, a conversation, a particular afternoon, even the version of yourself you were when you first heard it.

Someone might hear a song you introduced them to and remember sitting beside you, laughing about something that made no sense to anyone else.

Someone else might discover a band because you mentioned it once.

They might never tell you.

That doesn’t make the moment any less real.

We tend to think the important things we do for people have to be big. A major decision. A life-changing conversation. A grand gesture.

Sometimes it’s much smaller.

A song.

A book you insisted they read.

A restaurant you took them to.

A phrase you used all the time that they eventually started using too.

A habit they picked up after spending enough time around you.

These things travel quietly.

You leave them with someone, and they keep moving long after the original moment has passed.

That’s one of the beautiful things about being around other people. We influence each other without keeping track of it. Someone changes the way we see a movie. Someone introduces us to a city we later return to. Someone teaches us to order a dish we would have ignored. Someone sends us a song that becomes part of our life.

Then, years later, we pass that song on to someone else.

The person who first showed it to us may have completely forgotten.

That’s okay.

Not everything meaningful comes with a notification saying, “You made a difference.”

Most of the time, there’s no notification.

There’s just someone humming a song you once played for them.

There’s just a playlist with your recommendation buried somewhere in it.

There’s just a person who sees a place and remembers that you once told them they should go.

We spend a lot of time worrying about whether people will remember us.

Maybe we should pay more attention to what we leave behind.

Not our job titles. Not our achievements. Not how many people knew our name.

The little things.

The songs.

The stories.

The recommendations.

The expressions.

The moments when we made an ordinary day feel a little different.

Someone is still listening to the music you showed them.

You may never hear about it.

They may have forgotten when you sent it.

They may not even remember that it came from you.

But somewhere, in someone else’s life, a small piece of your taste, your curiosity, your memories, your way of seeing the world is still playing.

And for a few minutes, you’re there too.

Your Career Isn’t Your Whole Identity

We spend a lot of our lives trying to fit ourselves into one box.

You’re an engineer. You’re a lawyer. You’re an accountant. You’re a designer.

Once you pick a profession, people tend to attach an identity to it. Your job becomes the easiest way to introduce you.

“What do you do?”

“I’m an accountant.”

And somehow, that answer starts carrying more weight than it should.

You can be an accountant and love music. You can spend your weekdays working with spreadsheets and your weekends learning how to DJ.

You can be a lawyer who has always wanted to open a flower shop.

You can be an engineer who has a novel sitting half-finished on a laptop.

None of those things cancel each other out.

We often treat career choices like permanent commitments. Pick a path in your twenties, build expertise, get promoted, earn more, and keep moving in the same direction.

Life rarely works that neatly.

Your interests change. Your circumstances change. You discover things about yourself that you couldn’t have known when you picked your first career.

Maybe you studied engineering because you were good at math. Years later, you discover that writing is what keeps you up at night.

Maybe you became a lawyer because you wanted a stable career. Somewhere along the way, you realize you have always wanted to build something with your hands.

Maybe you spent twenty years in finance and suddenly find yourself obsessed with photography.

There is no rule saying the person you become at 40 has to stay loyal to the person you were at 22.

The interesting part is that your existing career can give you skills that make your second act better.

An accountant who becomes a DJ understands numbers, contracts, budgets and business.

A lawyer who opens a flower shop knows how to negotiate leases, manage agreements and protect a business.

An engineer who writes a novel brings years of experience solving complicated problems into the creative process.

Your past doesn’t disappear when you try something new. It comes with you.

There is also something liberating about doing something simply because you want to.

Not everything needs to become a side hustle.

Not every hobby needs a business plan.

You can learn guitar without starting a band. You can take pottery classes without opening a studio. You can write a book without worrying about becoming a bestselling author.

Sometimes the point is simply to make room for another part of yourself.

Work takes up a huge part of adulthood. It pays the bills, gives us structure and often gives us a sense of accomplishment.

It can also become the answer we give to every question about who we are.

That’s a small way to live.

You have interests that have nothing to do with your job. You have ideas you haven’t explored. You probably have a version of yourself that existed before your career became such a big part of your life.

Give that person some space.

You don’t need to quit your job tomorrow.

You might start with two hours on a Saturday.

Take the class. Buy the camera. Open the blank document. Play the first set at a tiny local venue. Visit a flower market and see what happens.

You don’t have to be just one thing in this lifetime.

You get to add chapters.

Better Comes With Knowing Better

You make decisions with the information you have at the time.

Sometimes you get it right. Sometimes you get it wrong. Sometimes you look back six months later and wonder what you were thinking.

That is part of being human.

The problem starts when we judge an old version of ourselves using information we only learned later.

You might remember a decision you made years ago and think, “I should have known better.”

Maybe you should have. Maybe you couldn’t have.

At that moment, you were working with what you knew. You had your experience, your fears, your priorities, the advice people gave you, and whatever facts were available to you. You made the best call you could from that position.

Then life taught you something.

That lesson changed the way you saw the situation. You noticed a pattern you had missed before. You understood how your decision affected someone else. You discovered that the shortcut you took created a bigger problem later.

Now you know better.

That is where the second part matters.

Knowing better should change what you do next.

It is easy to say, “I didn’t know.” It is harder to take what you learned and use it the next time the same situation appears.

Imagine a manager who once avoided difficult conversations. An employee struggled for months because the manager kept hoping things would improve on their own. Eventually, the conversation happened anyway. The manager learned that avoiding a five-minute uncomfortable conversation can create a six-month problem.

The next time, the manager speaks up earlier.

That is growth.

The mistake itself is not the most interesting part. What happens after the mistake tells you much more.

You can see this in almost every part of life.

A parent learns that shouting rarely solves a child’s tantrum. A leader learns that giving unclear instructions creates unnecessary rework. Someone learns that saying yes to every request leaves no time for the work that matters. A friend learns that staying silent during a difficult moment can hurt more than saying something imperfectly.

The lesson becomes useful when it changes your behavior.

There is also something freeing about accepting that you will keep learning.

You will make decisions today that your future self would make differently.

Your future self will have more experience. You will know things you cannot know yet. You will have met people who change your perspective. You will have made mistakes that teach you what advice never could.

That does not mean you should wait until you have all the answers.

You never will.

Do the best you can with what you know today. Pay attention to what happens. Admit when something did not work. Ask yourself what you missed. Change the decision-making process when the lesson calls for it.

Then do better with what you know tomorrow.

Growth rarely arrives as one dramatic breakthrough. It often looks like catching yourself before repeating an old mistake.

You pause before sending the angry message.

You ask the extra question before making the decision.

You listen when someone tells you something you would rather not hear.

You change the way you lead because you finally understand how your old approach affected the people around you.

You apologize without spending ten minutes explaining why you behaved that way.

You try again.

There is no shame in becoming a different person because you learned something.

The person you were yesterday did not have today’s knowledge.

Give that person some grace.

Then give today’s version of yourself some responsibility.

You know better now.

Do better now.

The Best Ideas Aren’t Always the Loudest

There’s a strange habit in meetings. We often assume the person who speaks with the most confidence must know the most.

Someone talks quickly. They have an answer for everything. They jump into every discussion. They can explain an idea in a way that sounds polished and convincing.

Then someone else sits quietly, listens, thinks, and finally says something that changes the direction of the conversation.

The second person may have had the better idea all along.

Being a great communicator is a valuable skill. It helps you explain complex things, influence decisions, build relationships, and get people to pay attention. But speaking well and thinking well are two different abilities.

A person can give an impressive presentation about a weak idea.

Another person can struggle to explain an excellent idea.

That distinction matters at work.

I’ve seen meetings where the discussion starts with a problem and quickly turns into a competition over who can respond first. The fastest speaker gets heard. The most confident person gets attention. Everyone else starts reacting to what has already been said.

That can push good ideas out of the room.

Some of the best thinking happens before anyone says a word.

Someone might spend an hour looking at customer feedback, studying the data, talking to the people who use the product, or understanding why a problem keeps coming back. When they finally speak, they may only need two minutes to explain what they found.

Their contribution can sound simple because they did the hard thinking beforehand.

We should also be careful about confusing confidence with competence.

Confidence tells you how comfortable someone is expressing an opinion. It tells you very little about whether the opinion is right.

You can sound completely certain and still be wrong.

You can also have a great idea and hesitate because you’re still working through the details.

That happens to smart people all the time.

The workplace often rewards visibility, though. People who speak frequently can appear more engaged. People who ask sharp questions can appear more knowledgeable. People who dominate conversations can gradually become the people everyone looks to for answers.

That creates a problem when teams start valuing presentation skills more than the quality of thinking behind them.

The solution isn’t to make everyone quiet. Great ideas need people who can communicate them clearly.

The better approach is to create enough space for ideas to develop before the conversation becomes a race.

Send the question before the meeting. Give people time to think. Ask the quieter person what they think. Let someone finish a thought without immediately jumping in with another opinion.

And pay attention to the idea itself.

Ask simple questions.

Does it solve the problem?

What evidence supports it?

What happens if we try it?

What could go wrong?

What did we learn from the last time we faced something similar?

Those questions tell you much more than how confidently someone speaks.

There’s another lesson here for anyone who doesn’t naturally dominate a room.

You don’t need to become the loudest person to make an impact.

Prepare well. Know your subject. Listen carefully. When you have something useful to add, say it clearly.

Your idea doesn’t become less valuable because someone else explained theirs with more energy.

Some people think out loud.

Others think first and speak later.

Both can contribute. The strongest teams learn to recognize the difference between a person who talks well and a person who has something worth saying.

The next time someone gives a brilliant five-minute explanation, pay attention to the thinking behind it.

Then pay attention to the person who has been listening quietly for the last twenty minutes.

They might be the one who has the idea that moves everything forward.

Put Something on the Calendar

There’s a simple trick that can change the way you move through life: always have something on the calendar that you’re excited about.

It doesn’t have to be a huge vacation or some life-changing achievement. It could be a weekend road trip, a concert, a dinner with friends, a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, a race you’ve signed up for, or a project you’ve been putting off because you know it will be satisfying once you finish it.

The important part is that it gives you something to look forward to.

A lot of days are ordinary. Work needs to get done. Emails pile up. Traffic is annoying. The gym feels harder than usual. You have errands on Saturday and laundry on Sunday. Some weeks seem to blur into the next.

Having something ahead of you breaks that pattern.

You might be sitting in a boring meeting on Tuesday while thinking about the hiking trip you’re taking on Saturday. Suddenly, Tuesday has a little less weight.

That small shift matters.

Anticipation creates energy. When you know there’s something coming that you care about, you start organizing your time around it. You might work a little harder because you want Friday to be free. You might get to the gym because you’re preparing for that hiking trip. You might finish the presentation early because you don’t want work hanging over your weekend.

The thing you’re looking forward to starts shaping what you do today.

It also gives you structure.

Goals can feel distant when they live entirely in your head. Put a date on them and they become real.

“I want to get fitter” is easy to postpone.

“I’m doing a 10K in November” gives you a reason to run today.

“I want to travel somewhere” can sit on your wish list for years.

“I booked a flight for October 12” changes the conversation immediately.

A date creates a little pressure. The good kind.

This works with projects too.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to build something. Start writing. Learn photography. Redesign your website. Read a particular book. Take your family somewhere new.

Give it a date.

Put it on the calendar.

Then work backward.

The calendar becomes more than a place for meetings and appointments. It becomes a map of things you care about.

There’s another reason this works. Life has lows.

Some days you feel stuck. Some weeks are exhausting. There are stretches when work feels repetitive and motivation disappears. You can’t solve every difficult period immediately.

Having something ahead can give you a small point of focus.

You might tell yourself, “Just get through this week. We’re heading to the mountains next weekend.”

That trip doesn’t fix the stressful week. It gives the week an endpoint.

The same thing happens with bigger goals. Training for a marathon can make an ordinary Tuesday run feel meaningful. Preparing for a presentation can make a late night feel connected to something bigger. Planning a family vacation can make saving money feel easier because you know exactly what the money is buying.

The secret is variety.

If every exciting thing on your calendar is a vacation six months away, the gap can feel too long. Put smaller things between the big ones.

A coffee with a friend.

A movie.

A new restaurant.

A day trip.

A concert.

A challenging workout.

A weekend away.

A personal project.

You don’t need to spend much money. You don’t need a packed social calendar. You need things that mean something to you.

Even anticipation itself can become part of the experience.

Researching the hotel. Planning the route. Picking the restaurant. Buying the running shoes. Choosing the book. Figuring out what you’ll wear. Looking at the map and imagining yourself there.

The event starts before the event.

That’s why an empty calendar can sometimes feel strangely heavy. When everything ahead looks like work, chores and obligations, the future becomes something you have to get through.

Add something you want to experience and the future starts pulling you forward.

So look at your calendar.

Find the next thing you’re excited about.

If you can’t find one, put something there.

Make it small if you need to. Make it ambitious if you’re ready for something bigger. Pick something that makes you check the date and think, “I’m looking forward to that.”

Then give yourself another one to look forward to after it.

Who Wants to Change the World?

There is something interesting about the two sides of this illustration.

On one side, several hands reach up with a bold question:

WHO WANTS TO CHANGE THE WORLD?

Almost everyone likes the idea.

We talk about changing industries, fixing broken systems, improving education, building better technology, creating opportunities, helping communities, and leaving things better than we found them.

It sounds exciting when the goal is big enough.

Then the illustration asks a quieter question.

WHO WANTS TO CHANGE THEIR WORLD?

Only one hand goes up.

That small difference says a lot.

Changing the world is an inspiring idea. Changing your own world takes work.

Your world might be your team at work. It might be your family, your neighborhood, your health, your skills, or the way you spend your time.

Maybe you want to become a better leader. Maybe you want to stop putting off the thing you keep saying you will start. Maybe you want to learn AI instead of watching the industry change around you. Maybe you want to be more present when your phone is sitting right next to you.

Those changes rarely come with applause.

Nobody is going to give you a standing ovation for waking up early to learn something new. Your LinkedIn network probably won’t notice that you handled a difficult conversation better than you would have six months ago. Your child won’t remember every small sacrifice you made to be more present.

You will notice.

That is where change starts.

We often make personal change sound much bigger than it needs to be. We imagine a dramatic decision, a perfect plan, and a completely different version of ourselves waiting on the other side.

Most of the time, it starts with something ordinary.

You read ten pages.

You make the call.

You apply for the job.

You apologize.

You go for the walk.

You spend an hour learning a skill that felt intimidating last month.

You finally start the project you have been talking about for a year.

Small choices change the shape of a day. Enough days can change the shape of a life.

There is another reason people prefer the idea of changing the world.

It gives us distance.

The world is a huge problem. Your own habits are much harder to hide from.

It is easy to have an opinion about how companies should innovate. It is harder to ask whether you are still learning.

It is easy to talk about better leadership. It is harder to look at how you behave when your team makes a mistake.

It is easy to say people should embrace change. It is harder when the change affects your role, your routine, or your paycheck.

Your world is where your choices have consequences.

That makes it worth paying attention to.

You don’t have to solve everything around you. Pick the part of your world where you have some control.

If you lead a team, make the next meeting better.

If you are building something, make the next version better.

If you are learning, spend another hour with the thing you still don’t understand.

If you are raising a child, put the phone down and listen to the story you have heard three times already.

If you are unhappy with your direction, take one step toward a different one.

The hand that goes up in the second question matters.

It represents someone willing to take responsibility for their own corner of the world.

That is where big change often begins.

Someone decides to change what they can reach.

Then someone else sees it.

Then they change something too.

You don’t need to change the whole world today.

Start with yours.

That’s Enough of That

There’s a strange amount of freedom in realizing that you can change your mind.

You can wake up one morning and decide, “That’s enough of that.”

Enough of the job that drains you every Sunday night. Enough of saying yes to things you have no energy for. Enough of staying in a routine just because you’ve been doing it for years. Enough of waiting for the perfect time to make a change.

You are allowed to change direction.

We often treat our past decisions like contracts. We chose a career, so we feel obligated to stay in it. We moved somewhere, so we convince ourselves we have to make it work. We started something, so quitting feels like failure. We made a plan five years ago, so we keep following it even when we have completely changed.

Life doesn’t work that neatly.

The person who made a decision five years ago had different information, different priorities and probably a different idea of what they wanted. You know more now. You have experienced things you couldn’t have predicted. Your responsibilities may have changed. Your definition of a good life may have changed too.

That gives you permission to update the plan.

Sometimes the change is huge. You leave a career and start something completely different. You move across the country. You end a relationship. You decide to build a business. You go back to school at an age when everyone around you thinks you should be settling down.

Sometimes it is much smaller.

You stop checking your phone first thing in the morning. You stop attending meetings that have nothing to do with your work. You start going to the gym. You call your parents more often. You spend your Saturday doing something you actually enjoy instead of filling every hour with errands.

Small decisions can change the shape of your life too.

The hardest part is often giving yourself permission.

We spend so much time asking whether a change is practical that we forget to ask whether the current situation is still worth keeping.

“What will people think?”

“What if I regret it?”

“What if I fail?”

“What if I’m throwing away everything I’ve built?”

Those questions can keep you stuck for years.

There is another question worth asking.

“What happens if I keep doing exactly this for the next five years?”

That question can make things very clear.

You don’t need to have your entire future figured out before you take the first step. You can leave one door without knowing exactly which door you’ll walk through next. You can learn as you go.

That might be the real cheat code.

You are not trapped by an old version of yourself.

You can change your mind. You can change your priorities. You can change your environment. You can start again.

At 25. At 35. At 45. At 60.

You can wake up on an ordinary Tuesday, look at the life you’ve been tolerating, and say, “That’s enough of that.”

Then make one different choice.

From “I Can’t” to “I’ll Learn”

“I can’t do this.”

That sentence can shut down a conversation before you even give yourself a chance.

“I’ll learn how to do this.”

That sentence opens a door.

The difference is only a few words, yet the mindset behind them can change how you approach work, relationships, challenges, and even the things you once thought were completely out of reach.

We often treat ability as something fixed. You either know how to do something or you don’t. You either have the skill or you lack it. That way of thinking makes every unfamiliar task feel like a test of whether you are good enough.

Try looking at it differently.

You don’t need to know everything before you start. You need to be willing to learn.

Think about the first time you used a tool at work that seemed complicated. Maybe you opened it and had no idea where to begin. A few tutorials, some trial and error, a couple of mistakes, and suddenly you knew your way around it.

The tool didn’t become easier because it changed.

You became better because you learned.

That applies to almost everything.

Someone who says, “I can’t present to senior leaders,” may simply need more practice presenting. Someone who says, “I’m not technical enough to understand AI,” may need a few weeks of learning the basics. Someone who says, “I could never start my own business,” may need to learn about sales, finance, hiring, and everything else that comes with running one.

The starting point matters.

“I can’t” puts a period at the end of the sentence.

“I’ll learn” leaves room for another chapter.

There is something else that changes when you adopt this mindset. Failure becomes useful.

If your mindset is “I need to be good at this,” making a mistake can feel embarrassing. You start avoiding situations where you might look inexperienced.

If your mindset is “I’m learning this,” a mistake becomes information.

You tried something. It didn’t work. You figured out why. You try again.

That is how children learn. A three-year-old doesn’t decide they are bad at riding a bike because they fall over. They get back up because falling is part of figuring it out.

Adults often make learning harder than it needs to be because we care so much about looking capable.

We hesitate to ask basic questions.

We avoid admitting that we don’t understand something.

We stay with familiar tasks because they make us feel competent.

Then we wonder why we aren’t growing.

The people who keep moving forward are often comfortable being beginners again.

Technology makes this even more obvious. The tools we use today can change within months. A skill that felt valuable five years ago may need to be updated. New platforms appear. New AI tools arrive. New ways of working become normal.

You cannot know everything that is coming.

You can build the habit of learning.

That habit is far more valuable.

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t do this,” pause for a second.

Ask yourself, “What would I need to learn to get there?”

Maybe the answer is a YouTube tutorial.

Maybe it is a conversation with someone who knows more than you.

Maybe it is a course, a book, ten failed attempts, or three uncomfortable weeks of practice.

That question turns a wall into a path.

You don’t need confidence before you begin. Sometimes confidence shows up after you have spent enough time learning.

So change the sentence.

“I can’t” becomes “I haven’t learned it yet.”

“I’m not good at this” becomes “I need more practice.”

“I don’t know how” becomes “I’ll figure out where to start.”

Those small changes can alter what you attempt, how long you stick with it, and what you believe you are capable of doing.

You may surprise yourself with what becomes possible once “I can’t” stops being the final answer.

How To Become a FDE

Came across this awesome post by Maryam on LinkedIn which puts together succintly exactly my view on how to become a forward deployed engineer.

🛠️🧭 How to Become a Forward Deployed Engineer for Production AI Agents.
Forward Deployed Engineering is not AI Engineering at a customer site.
𝗠𝘆 𝟳-𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗮𝗽 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗰𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗔𝗜 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁.

It sits between:
– customer problems
– product engineering
– production delivery
– business impact

It is closer to an acting CTO.
Enough technical depth and Enough business judgment to choose what is worth building.

Here is the roadmap I would follow:

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: Build Full-Stack Depth
✸ Learn Linux, frontend, backend, APIs, databases, and authentication.
✸ Be able to trace a failure across the system.
✸ An agent is useless if it cannot fit into the customer workflow.
→ Example: Connect a claims agent to the policy database and review screen.

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: Master DSA & System Design
✸ Understand algorithms, services, queues, state, and failure paths.
✸ Plan for scale before adding more agents.
✸ Do not hide weak architecture behind a strong model.
→ Example: Make tool calls idempotent before allowing automatic retries.

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: Add AI Engineering
✸ Learn RAG, memory, tool calling, structured outputs, guardrails, and evals.
✸ Define success with users before delivery.
✸ Do not measure quality by whether one demo worked.
→ Example: Build a labeled eval set with domain experts.

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟰: Learn Production Delivery
✸ Use cloud, infrastructure as code, CI/CD, security, and observability.
✸ Trace what the agent saw, decided, called, and changed.
✸ Add rollback and human approval for risky actions.
→ The customer must trust that the system will not break.

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟱: Discover the Real Problem
✸ Sit with users and map the current workflow.
✸ Find the bottleneck with the most business value.
✸ Deliver the smallest end-to-end unit that proves impact.
→ Do not start with “Where can we add an agent?” Start with “What is blocking the customer?”

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟲: Measure Business Impact
✸ Connect the build to time saved, errors reduced, revenue, or delivery speed.
✸ Balance scope, speed, and quality.
✸ Stop measuring success by token usage.
→ A busy agent is not the same as a useful agent.

》𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟳: Close the Product Loop
✸ Write clear field notes and communicate tradeoffs.
✸ Bring repeated customer failures back to product teams.
✸ Turn one-off fixes into reusable platform capabilities.
→ The next deployment should be better because of the previous one.

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿:
A Forward Deployed Engineer is not an AI consultant with slides.
And not only an AI engineer writing custom code.
They discover, build, deploy, measure, and turn one customer problem into a better product for many customers.