We can’t always choose the music life plays for us but…

We don’t always have control over what happens but we do have control over our thoughts, reactions and emotions. Most of the time our emotions and reactions take us by surprise. Often they are confusing and make us react in ways that we don’t like. They pass away quickly or sometimes stay for a long time, thus leaving us in a bad mood.

The key question we can ask ourselves is am I managing my emotions? Or are my emotions managing me?

Sometime back I had read a very good article with 7 Strategies Emotionally Intelligent People Use to Keep Their Feelings Under Control


The strategies above definitely help, however the one thing that helps me is what St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, mentions in the Spiritual Exercises

It should be presupposed that every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbor’s statement than to condemn it. Further, if he cannot interpret it favorably, one should ask how the other means it. If that meaning is wrong, one should correct the person with love; and if this is not enough, one should search out every appropriate means through which, by understanding the statement in a good way, it may be saved (SE 22).

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Putting a positive interpretation to a statement or situation will help you react to it in a better way. For example, if you had to meet a friend at a given time and your friend is late, if you start saying “He/She is always late…never on time”, you automatically start feeling negative and get more agitated and irritable. However if you start saying things like “maybe something important cropped up” or “he/she may be finding it hard to get an Uber”, then you will be less angry and more sympathetic when your friend does reach.

Each of us our fighting our own battles and we may not understand why a person is behaving in a particular way. Putting a positive interpretation to their actions and words will definitely help you react to situations in a better way and will also help the other person in many ways.

Here’s to you choosing to dance to the music life plays for you today! :)

Keep It Simple, Silly (KISS)

There are many occasions when things don’t go as we expect. We keep asking “Why” – “Why me?”, “Why did I not get that?”, “Why did I lose my job?” or “Why am I not losing weight?”. As we wallow in our misery, we think “something is missing”. We think we can make things better by doing something new, trying something different – “only if I had something more”. We take on more work, more possessions, more friends, more responsibilities, more hobbies — more, more and more!

More often than not, we don’t realise that we are in this situation because of a decision we made or because of a series of choices we’ve made. When we look back and reflect on our journey, we may see what has brought about to where we are right now and subsequently we come to the realisation that instead of adding something, subtracting something instead will bring about the change we desire. Instead of overthinking and making things complex, the KISS principle stresses on Keeping It Simple!

Here are three simple ways we can start to KISS!

  • Subtract negative talk
    • “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
  • Subtract an unproductive habit
    • Add more time to your day by reducing screen time
    • Add more years to your life by cutting junk food, addictions
  • Subtract a draining obligation (work, relationships…)
    • Increase happiness by distancing yourself from toxic people

To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract every day

Lao Tzu

Start small, start simple…look within, subtract the superfluous and make room for yourself to grow into the best version of yourself!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Most of us, at some point in our life, have sung this song “Don’t worry, be happy”. However with all all that is happening around us today, it is indeed difficult to not worry! We are worried about when this pandemic will end, we are worried about our jobs, we are worried about our families. We read about our grim situation on the news, on social media. Amidst the sea of negativity, how are we expected to not worry?

As Toby says, worrying is assuming God doesn’t know what He is doing. And we will only assume this is if we don’t trust God. There is an intimate link between knowing, loving and trusting God. The more time I spend getting to know Him intimately, the more I fall in love with Him. And the more I fall in love with Him, the more I trust him. My time with Him changes from asking to thanking, from requests to just feeling blessed. I trust that He will work wonders no matter what comes my way. He knows what is best for me. 

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know who holds my future. 

Lee Strobel

Here’s Bobby McFerrin singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”

Everyone’s Losing Something ~ Odette Katrak

Everyone’s losing something
What did you lose today?
Our routines have all gone haywire
Taking our comforts away.

Did you lose the privilege of a driver
Whom the lockdown forced to stay home?
Or were forced to cook your own dinner
Pushing you out of your comfort zone?

Are you sad that you lost a holiday
That you had booked so much in advance?
Caught with the seeming unfairness
Of this unfortunate circumstance.

Or did you lose a golden opportunity
To have the biggest wedding you’d planned?
But just ended up with a small one
No big crowds, and no live band.

Everyone’s losing something
A privilege, an opportunity, a chance,
But lucky are they who lose just these
Minor hiccups to otherwise smooth plans.

There’s the unlucky one who lost a job
And another who lost his mind,
The stress of this pandemic scenario
Has turned out to be brutally unkind.

Someone lost more than a privilege
A brother-in-law, an uncle, a friend,
It’s going downhill far too quickly
Can’t wait for this nightmare to end.

So if you missed your maid this morning
Or your favourite TV soap,
Remember the little girl missing a dad
But just doesn’t know how to cope.

Extra chores may push you to exhaustion
Or just make you miss that beauty sleep,
Think of the man who lost his wife
But his baby gives him no time to weep.

Each one is going through this nightmare
In varying degrees of dread,
For some it’s a minor adjustment
For others, a permanent void instead.

Everyone’s losing something or someone
Many are finding it difficult to cope,
But whatever you lose as you travel on
Make sure to never lose hope.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel
A definite rainbow after the storm,
Your losses will strengthen your inner core
And you’ll learn to cope as you move on.

Remember if you just lost a privilege
Someone else lost a very dear friend,
So ignore that insignificant inconvenience
Think of what really matters in the end.

There are people dying all around us
No beds, just gasping for breath,
Our convenience doesn’t matter as much
As collective onus to prevent each death.

Everyone’s losing something or someone
Let’s remember we’re all part of a whole,
One person’s action can hasten the spread
Let’s choose right and hang on to hope.

Everyone’s losing something or someone
We’ve all got to play our part,
And hang on to hope as we journey on
Bruised, broken but never losing ❤️💜❤️

Self Care

We live in a society that often celebrates the idea of pushing through and “soldiering on” whatever the situation may be. While pushing ourselves can be good for us, it’s important to be aware of our personal limitations.

Too often, we spend more energy than what we take in. Now this energy I refer to is both physical and emotional energy. In simple mathematics, if we spend more than we take in, there is bound to be problems down the line.

At times, we are aware that we don’t have enough reserves to pull through the day. Our mindset usually is “let me get through the day and then deal with this..”. This goes on day after day till at one point we realise that our glass is empty!

Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a series of small events that snowball into a crisis.

It’s a paradox that I took some time to understand and accept. The busier you are, the more me time you need for yourself. With a packed schedule you may say that you do not have time for yourself. But at the same time it’s important that you make time for yourself.

Self care is the conscious effort of making time for activities you find beneficial towards filling your cup. Caring for your mind and body doesn’t have to be time consuming. While eating and drinking well, getting enough sleep, living a healthy active lifestyle are some ways we can care for our body, we should not forget relaxation, mindfulness, social connections, hobbies needed for the mind.

If you keep putting others first, you’ll soon find that you have nothing to give them. Looking after yourself is the best gift you can give others. Fill your cup daily so that you have enough to offer your loved ones and friends!

Self Worth

The last year has been crazy, our life as we knew it has changed completely. As I scroll to through LinkedIn, I see many posts by people who have lost their jobs due to the situation brought about by the pandemic.

This quote by Brigette made me ponder on what I base my self worth. The first question I asked myself what is self worth.

Self-worth is an internal state of being that comes from self-understanding, self-love, and self-acceptance.

Linking my self worth to something external like my job or my salary or my possessions doesn’t make sense. Rather having a high sense of self worth implies:

  • An unshakeable and unflinching belief in my abilities.
  • Feeling deserving of happiness, success irrespective of the difficulties, disappointments, dejection, rejection.
  • Accepting myself wholeheartedly at all times with all my flaws, limitations and weaknesses.
  • Not allowing other’s opinion and outside forces to define my current state of mind. Never allowing outcomes to shake my confidence, faith or resolve.

You alone are the most significant factor in how you feel about yourself, your life and your circumstances.

Focus

It’s so easy to get disheartened, demotivated and dejected when we look what everyone else is doing and then compare it to what we are doing. We only see one side of the story. We don’t know the full picture. At the same time, it’s important to understand that each one of us is unique and it’s pointless comparing our story with anyone else.

At the end of the day, we need to ask ourselves if we’ve done all we could to become a better person and bring joy to everyone around us. Let’s strive focus on myself, my growth, my happiness, my story.

Mother’s Day

The love of a mother is something so difficult to explain and also the most amazing gift I’ve been blest with. I’m astounded at how selfless and unconditionally a mother loves her children. Fr. John who blessed our marriage shared the following story which describes what happened for most of my childhood and it moved me to tears.

The best part of getting married, apart from the unending love of my wife Ana, is the gift of a second mother! What more could I ask for! This year for Mother’s Day we recorded a song that I’ve been meaning to sing for mummy ever since I first heard it years ago – The Perfect Fan. The lyrics are below:

It takes a lot to know what is love

It’s not the big things, but the little things

That can mean enough

A lot of prayers to get me through

And there is never a day that passes by

I don’t think of you

You were always there for me

Pushing me and guiding me

Always to succeed

You showed me

When I was young just how to grow

You showed me

Everything that I should know

You showed me

Just how to walk without your hands

‘Cause mom you always were

The perfect fan

God has been so good

Blessing me with a family

Who did all they could

And I’ve had many years of grace

And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face

I want to thank you for what you’ve done

In hopes I can give back to you

Be the perfect son

Integrity

We live in a world where anything and everything can easily be bought and sold. And it’s the same with people. Corruption is rampant in India. Before the West Bengal elections we read of so many MLAs defecting to the BJP.

What is more disheartening to see and read is how this pandemic has brought out the dark side of a section of society. Yesterday we had four doctors arrested for selling a bed at INR 1 lakh! Similarly we’ve read stories of hoarding of Covid medicines and oxygen.

At the end of the day, being true to yourself is all that matters.

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”

~ Oprah Winfrey