Kenrick Vaz

It’s ok to give up on your dreams

The title of this article may seem contrary to the quote. However I am sure that as you keep reading through, you will agree with me!

We all have dreams that come in all shapes and sizes. At a young age we start dreaming of what we will be when we grow up, whether it’s spoken aloud or kept a secret from the world. And many a time these dreams change based on all that we keep learning at school. I remember wanting to become a pilot, then a programmer when I started playing with computers.

How many of us are living out what we dreamed of becoming when we were small?

We are constantly bombarded with messages like “Never give up on your dreams”, “Refuse to give up”, “Follow your passion”. A few days back I had shared my thoughts on never giving up

As I see it, childhood dreams, long term goals or short term goals, should keep us happy, propel us forward and not tie us down and make us feel awful.

Sometimes part of life is choosing to let go of some dreams and to create or embrace other ones.
As much as we are the creators of our lives, life also teaches us. We change and life brings us new opportunities, and sometimes they are better than the ones we thought we wanted.
Paulette Sherman

Certain dreams may be coming in the way of even bigger and better ones! We think that holding on to our dreams, sticking to our guns, makes us strong. I feel it takes more courage and strength to realise and accept that it is time to let go and move on. You will know when the time has come to stop pursuing what you thought was your dream. There is nothing wrong with saying this isn’t meant for me.

You got to know when to hold ’em…know when to fold ’em.
Kenny Rogers

For those of you who may not know me well, I was with the Jesuits for 8 years, fulfilling my dream of being ordained a priest. After a long struggle, I finally decided that this wasn’t meant to be. I was shattered and heartbroken. It took me a while to decide to leave, move on and start rebuilding my life. Today when I look back, it’s amazing to see how those 8 years made such a huge difference to who I am today and I will be eternally grateful to the Jesuits for the guidance during those formative years.

What really helped me take such a big decision was Ignatian Discernment. A summary of this is below with a nice video as well

We need to look at the decision prayerfully from all angles.
We need to take time with the decision, be patient, trust the process, and ultimately trust that God will lead us to the right place if we do our part as best we can.
In the end, we must follow what our heart and gut tell us to do and what seems right to us. In life decisions and matters of the heart we rarely feel complete certainty and clarity. This is more than a rational process. However, once we’ve considered the decision prayerfully, consulted others we trust, and have attained all the data we reasonably can, we need to take a leap of faith and make a decision.

We are all meant to fly, it just takes time to earn our wings

Priorities

Keeping the main thing the main thing makes sense only if you know what’s the main thing. Many a times we are drifting like a falling leaf, going where life takes us, blissfully unaware of where I’m going and what I’m doing.

Many years ago, during my Jesuit days, I was introduced to the ‘4-Square’ method of prioritization, which is also referred to as the Eisenhower Grid. President Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, “What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.” This quote is the inspiration for the Eisenhower grid, a system that helps you decide the urgency and importance of different tasks, and prioritize them accordingly. This method can be used for prioritising daily tasks as well as long term goals.

Below is the 4 square grid with the labels important, not important, urgent and not urgent

Add your tasks/goals into these four squares based on importance and urgency. As shown in the table, each square has a corresponding number, and this is the order in which you should prioritize your tasks/goals.

Focus on the most urgent and important tasks first in Square I, and then move to squares II, III and IV. This does not mean that you should not spend time on not-urgent tasks, but in a high-stress situation, this method can be important in determining what needs to be completed first.

For daily tasks, you could replace the Roman numerals with actions.

The tasks that are important and urgent: DO. Do them today, or as soon as possible. For tasks that are important and not urgent: DECIDE. Decide a specific time in the future that this task will be completed, as it will eventually be Important and Urgent. You could DELEGATE tasks that are urgent but not important and DELETE or DELAY tasks that are neither important nor urgent.

This is just one example of many different prioritization techniques. You must find the system that works best for you, a way that helps you keep the main thing the main thing.

Do you use any other methods to prioritize your tasks and goals? Let me know in the comments below!

Here’s a lovely video illustrating priorities

Amidst our busy lives may we always make time for a cup of coffee or a drink with friends! ❤️

Measure of a Man

At first, we may get attracted to people initially based on how they look, talk or carry themselves. But at the end of the day, what really matters, what truly draws us close to another person is what’s on the inside, their personality.

A few brands today have slogans that are so misleading and inaccurate. Take for instance Raymond’s “The complete man” or Tata Safari’s “Reclaim your life”. Does a suit make you a complete man? Can you reclaim your life with a car?

A simple example here is when we go to a shop to buy something. We may at first get attracted to what catches our eye. But eventually we buy what is lasting.

We spend a lot of time making sure we look good on the outside, but what are we doing to make sure we look good on the inside? What is beautiful radiates. A person is only beautiful, when their own inner beauty, is reflecting on to others.

I came across these tips on beauty sometime back which I had copied to my notes

Drink plenty of forgiveness….Keep your heart from being dirty and wrinkled with bitterness and vengeance.

Exercise friendliness daily….Feel the warmth of friendliness and love inside of you.

Learn to listen….Remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has a past. Everyone needs to be heard. Focus less on talking, and try listening more.

Here’s a lovely song by 4Him Measure of a Man

And what’s in the heart defines
The measure of a man

Sia ~ Never Give Up

“Never give up” is a phrase that we hear a lot. As I scroll through LinkedIn, I see so many people desperately looking for a job as well as posts of people who finally get through after umpteen rejections.

In today’s culture of instant gratification, we often tend to subconsciously assume that successful people reached where they are overnight. What we fail to see is the journey filled with a lot of hard work and a lot of failures. Let’s take a look at a few examples

J K Rowling

Her first Harry Potter novel was rejected 12 times
3 years before Bloomsburry gave her novel a second chance in 1994, she had just gotten a divorce, was on government aid, and could barely afford to feed her baby
She was so poor she couldn’t afford a computer or even the cost of photocopying the 90,000-word novel, so she manually typed out each version to send to publishers

Colonel Harland Sanders, KFC

Fired from a variety of jobs throughout his career before he first started cooking chicken in his roadside Shell Service Station in 1930, when he was 40 years old, during the Great Depression.
In the 1950s, he was forced to close his business and retire, essentially broke
Worried about how he was going to survive off his meager $105 monthly pension check, he set out to find restaurants who would franchise his secret recipe—he wanted a nickel for each piece of chicken sold. He drove around, sleeping in his car, and was rejected more than 1,000 times before finally finding his first partner

Walt Disney

Fired as a young man from his newspaper job for a lack of good ideas
Started his first animation company in 1921, but that quickly went bankrupt
He ended up eating dog food (literally) to survive
Restarted his animation company several more times before finally becoming successful

The Beatles

Turned down by almost every record label despite some local success playing cover songs in United Kingdom bars and clubs
An executive at Decca Records declined to sign them because “guitar groups are on the way out” and “The Beatles have no future in show business.”
It turns out that two years after Decca rejected the Beatles, George Harrison returned to the label to offer a tip: Sign the Rolling Stones. This time around, Decca learned from its failure and had a success of its own.

Brian Acton, WhatsApp Co-Founder

Was turned down by Facebook 4.5 years before Facebook acquired WhatsApp for $19B
After a long stint at Yahoo, Acton was rejected by Facebook and Twitter before Jan Koum asked if Acton wanted to help him start his business, and WhatsApp was born

Final Thoughts

Great things never come easy. When difficult times do stop you in your tracks, you need a way to push through.

Here is a song that I love to listen to when I am down – Sia’s “Never Give Up”

I won’t let you get me down

I’ll keep gettin’ up when I hit the ground

Oh, never give up, no, never give up no, no, oh

I won’t let you get me down

I’ll keep gettin’ up when I hit the ground

Oh, never give up, no, never give up no, no, oh

Kindness

When I read this quote, the first thing that came to my mind is all the stories of how people have gone out of their way in being kind to those in need at the height of the second wave of covid. Being kind, no matter the situation, is not always easy. Here are a few thoughts on kindness – how to give it and how to receive it.

Kindness starts with being kind to yourself

We all have crazy schedules, meetings, family, friends..the list goes on. Amidst all we do if we don’t make time for ourselves, we are bound to loose our cool at the drop of a hat with people we encounter. Hence self-care is essential to being kind. We will end up treating our friends and family better only when we have taken care of ourselves.

Also being gentle with yourself when you do make a mistake. We need to keep in mind that mistakes do not define you, they refine you

Compassion

Everyone has their own set of challenges, difficulties, most of which is unknown to you. Wouldn’t we be more understanding and kind if we knew why someone was grumpy, curt or rude? Trying to be compassionate, put a positive interpretation will not help us but also help them.

We could try keeping our mouth shut instead of escalating the situation. Or find some time in private to discuss the same with them instead of thrashing it out in public with everyone around.

Kindness is lasting

I still remember an incident at primary school with my first standard class teacher Mrs. Maria. I had forgotten my subject notebook and I was so scared that my teacher would punish me. Instead she gently told me to get the book tomorrow. When I got the notebook the next day, she made the whole class clap for me for remembering to get my book. 30 years later, I still remember this simple act.

Who do you remember most? And how do you want to be remembered?

Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time because kindness is a sign of STRENGTH.

Gratitude

Are you a glass half-empty or half-full sort of person? Your attitude has an impact on your mental as well as physical health. Some of the proven benefits of thinking positively include:

better quality of life
higher energy levels
better psychological and physical health
faster recovery from injury or illness
fewer colds
lower rates of depression
better stress management and coping skills
longer life span

Being positive won’t magically make your problems disappear. It will help make them manageable and help you approach hardships with a better frame of mind.

Positive thinking requires effort and there are many ways to train your brain to think positively. A few techniques like positive self-talk and putting a positive interpretation definitely help. Here is another important aspect that comes to mind today which help me

Gratitude

Being grateful and thankful has tremendous benefits on our life quality, not only to others but also ourselves, the circumstances we are placed in and our experiences (better and worse).

An attitude of gratitude is the best beatitude

I use the five finger prayer method as a nice way to remember all I need to be grateful fo. Below is a nice illustration of this method

And here is one of my favourite hymns – Thank you Lord by Don Moen

Mistakes do not define you, they refine you

Mistakes do not define you, they refine you. It’s easy to lose focus on the big picture, on your future when your day to day life consumes all your time and energy. There is no doubt that living in the present is important. However we tend to look at the past and dwell on either our mistakes or our achievements.

Let your past be stepping stones to your next success – not an anchor in which you think you have to stay

Learn from the past, analyse it, study it all you will so you can learn more about yourself, others, your work. However when it comes to the future, one of the key lessons I have learned is to trust yourself.

Steve Jobs, who needs no introduction, shared the following in 2005 at Stanford

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
Steve Jobs

Here is a link to the transcript of the speech

Mistakes do not define you, they refine you. At least this is what God does with our mistakes, messes, and mishaps. If we allow him to clean up the mess, he will use every bit of it for our good. If we let Him, God will use the results of our mistakes as the foundation upon which He can build a new life.

How does God use our mistakes?

To correct us
Proverbs 20:30 ~ “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways”
To refine us
1 Peter 1:6-7 ~ “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ”
To protect us
Genesis 50:20 ~ “You planned evil against me, but God used those same plans for my good…”

On our darkest of days, God whispers to us “I take this mess and use it for your good. Come to me. Turn to me. Trust in me.”

Life is like a camera…

The analogy of the camera to life is so apt. There are different variations of this anonymous quote. The four points that I’ve come across are as follows:

Focus on what’s important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
If things don’t work out, take another shot

All photographers can attest, it takes a lot of patience, a lot of focus, several shots to get the “perfect” picture. It’s so easy to get distracted with trivial matters everyday. It’s important we learn to focus on what’s important and block out the rest.

What helps me is to visualise at the start of the day all the important stuff I’d like to focus on, the things that matter and the things that I can control.

And then more importantly at the end of the day, look back and see what went well and what didn’t go as planned. Only if we do this will we be able to capture the good times and develop from the negatives. And only after this does it make sense to take another shot!

In his Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius presents the Daily Examen, a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and discern his direction for us. The Examen is an ancient practice in the Church that can help us see God’s hand at work in our whole experience.”

This is a version of the five-step Daily Examen that St. Ignatius practiced.

1. Become aware of God’s presence.
2. Review the day with gratitude.
3. Pay attention to your emotions.
4. Choose one feature of the day and pray from it.
5. Look toward tomorrow.

For details on each step of the Examen, read How can I Pray?

One Thing I Know….

As we’re struggling with the second wave of Covid-19, our west coast has been hit with a cyclone. I’ve asked myself again, where is God through this all? Last week I had written on how worrying is assuming that God doesn’t know what He is doing

A few years ago, I heard this hymn by Selah and with all that’s going on in our lives today I was drawn to recording it in March. Listen to the one thing I know…

Heart

Apart from being an important organ in the body, the heart is also the essence of our spiritual and emotional being. We feel our heart flutter when in love and heartbroken when rejected or hurt by the ones we love. We “take things to heart”, “talk heart-to-heart” about deeply personal issues. We can love from the “bottom of our heart” and also “be half-hearted” about things that don’t interest us.

Our heart is so much more than the wide range of feelings and emotions. Ed and Deb Shapiro describe the heart as the king, with the mind as the king’s adviser. When faced with a decision, the king may ask his advisers for advice, may even send him out into the world to gather information, but ultimately it is the king that makes the final decision. Even though the advisers do not always agree with the king’s decision, the king is invariably right, because the king’s view not only sees the bigger picture but is also aware of the needs of others.

In the same way, when faced with a decision or conflict, your mind may come up with numerous, different and quite logical reasons why you should act as it advises, but if you listen to and trust your heart—however illogical or irrational it may seem—it is usually right and you are happier as a result.

Being in tune with your heart, your inner voice, is not always easy. With constant noise, controversy and chaos all around us, some struggle more than others to listen to our heart. Listen and Silent have the same letters! We need to be silent to hear that quiet inner voice that whispers what your heart desires.

A good heart is better than all the heads in the world
Robert Bulwer-Lytton