Kenrick Vaz

Start New Habits That Actually Stick!

Where you are in your life today is in essence a sum of your habits. What you repeatedly do (i.e. what you spend time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe, and the personality that you portray. A simple example we can take is if we are in shape of out of shape – a result of our habits.

There is a lot of information available on how to build new habits. I will share a few points that have helped me.

Start Small

Make it so easy you can’t say no
Leo Babauta

Our motivation and willpower go through ups and down during the day and even over a period of time. BJ Fogg, a Standford professor, calls this the “motivation wave”

So rather than attempting to start something new with a big bang, start easy so that even when you are running low on motivation, you can’t say no. For example, instead of starting with with exercising for an hour, start with 10-15 minutes.

Start small and gradually improve. One percent improvements add up surprisingly fast. So do one percent declines.

Break It Down

As you keep making one percent improvements everyday, you will figure out that maintaining momentum is then a challenge. This is where we then break it down to smaller chunks which then makes it easier to accomplish.

Instead of exercising for an hour, break it down into two sets of thirty minutes each.

When you slip, get back on track quickly

We all tend to slip up at some point, make mistakes and go off track. Change can be hard. In the beginning, your habits might take two steps forward and one step back.

Anticipating those backwards steps can make all the difference in the world. Develop a plan for getting back on track and recommit to your routine as quickly as possible.

When the lockdown started last year, I got into the habit of regular exercise and lost a decent amount of weight. It also helped me cope with all that came with adjusting to the lockdown. However around Christmas time, I got sidetracked and it took me a lot of time to get back to my pre-Christmas schedule.

The Compounding Effect

In Atomic Habits, James Clear gives us the example of an ice cube melting.

Until the temperature hits 32 degrees it won’t. Even at 31 degrees nothing will happen but as soon as it’s 32 degrees the ice starts to melt.

This is how it is with habits.

The effects of your habit multiply as you repeat them
James Clear

We have a moment where we plateau and nothing happens for the longest time. But once we compound enough momentum eventually we hit “32 degrees” and things start to shift.

People often call this overnight success.

It’s the moment things blow up and other people start to notice. Yet what others didn’t see were the habits that built the momentum years before. Habits which did nothing until this very moment.

Habits take months, sometimes years, until you start seeing explosive growth.

Progress isn’t linear and most of the time isn’t quick.

Your work isn’t wasted, it’s being stored for the moment when you’re ready to shoot up to that next level.

Hope the points above help you! Give it a try and let me know! :)

Respect

There is nothing inherently wrong with being nice. Our world is a better place with more kind hearted and generous people. At the same it is important to understand when it is time to say no, when we are being taken advantage of, when we are being used. You might love the acceptance and approval you get by making them happy or always being there for someone. However, what about your own needs? What about your respect? Most importantly, what about your own happiness?

The difference is too nice – Where ends the virtue or begins the vice.
Alexander Pope

There’s a big difference between being nice because you want to, versus being nice because you have to. The first comes from your heart, while the second feels like a burden. “Nice” people often associate not doing something for someone with erroneous negative thoughts and emotions. For example, you feel guilty because you think I’m selfish if I don’t help my friends all the time. Or you feel afraid of rejection if I don’t agree with my friends or go along with what they want.

I used to say “yes” a lot in the past. I still do it today, but it’s much less than before. One thing I realised is that it’s important to know that no one should be expected to be nice all the time. It’s neither reasonable nor real. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how much you respect yourself. When you accept yourself as a whole person, with both flaws and strengths, it changes how others perceive you.

When you know who you are and how much you’re worth, you will not let anyone, and not even your spouse/partner, treat you as a doormat.

No matter how much time has passed since the song’s release in 2011, the message remains the same:
Everyone is beautiful in their own way and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

If you are feeling out of control then it’s time to do some work on you. Nothing will change until you do. The good news is that developing self-respect is within your power. A friend or a mentor can assist you, however, self-respect is the gift you have to give yourself.

Here is a healthy ‘self-respect’ checklist that helps me:

You know your strengths and are confident in what you can do well
You accept your weaknesses and know how to work around them
You have firm values and live true to them
You make and consistently keep appointments with yourself
You take pride in being well-presented
Your “yes” means yes, and your “no” means no
You expect others to respect you and they usually do.

Insignificance

We live in a materialistic world where showing-off is considered cool and being the best at whatever we do is the ultimate goal. Most would think that humility is a lost quality in our times. Humility has its origin in the Latin word humilis, meaning “low.” However, it doesn’t mean putting yourself down or seeing yourself in poor light.

I see humility as an accurate understanding of our strengths and weaknesses along with a modest portrayal of self. From my experience I strongly believe that it is also directly related to our ability and willingness to learn. Humble people are better learners and problem solvers. Only if you are humble enough to say there is something for me to learn, can you be genuinely open to feedback. Paradoxically, a stubbornly low opinion of ourselves is also in contradiction to a humble view of ourselves as it is not an accurate image or perception of ourselves.

In college, a lecturer once shared that humility is an accurate perception of our place in the world. They say that our universe is so big we can’t really measure it. The part we can see has a radius of 47 billion light years. Of the at least 100 million galaxies we live in one, the Milky Way. And even in this galaxy, our constellation, our sun, is just one speck inside the huge dust of it all. In fact, there are 300 billion other stars in our tiny corner of space.

Our solar system is so tiny compared to the Milky Way, I can’t help but realize that our earth is just a tiny speck in relation even to that sun, which is just a speck in the galaxy, which is just a speck in the universe.

Isn’t it amazing to see that we are just a tiny tiny tiny speck in our known universe? We are definitely not the centre of the universe. My heart is filled with gratitude when I just think of where I am and all the blessings I’ve received so far in my life.

I came across this beautiful “Love Song to the World” which is pertinent to this topic

Being humble, with a heart filled with gratitude, is our key to peace of mind and tranquility in our chaotic world. Without these, we are doomed to a miserable life of constant anguish, endlessly clamouring for greater and better things, the end of which, we will never reach.

Defying Gravity

Have you done or experienced anything of significance that did not emanate from a courageous decision? Pretty sure the chances are no!

If you look back over the changes you’ve gone through over the last few years, the starting point would be a courageous decision. I’ll share two of my experiences that took a lot of courage!

I started my professional career with a startup. After 7 fantastic years, it took a lot of discernment to accept an offer to move on to another challenge. I was very apprehensive about moving from a startup to a much larger organisation. After careful consideration, I decided to move on and it was indeed a good move for me! There have been plenty of challenges and difficulties that constantly come my way. But through it all, I’ve grown tremendously and truly enjoyed my time here.

Within a year, I was offered an opportunity to move to Chennai. The role was very exciting, however it would mean Ana, my wife, would have to stop her music school. Again we were in a dilemma. One thing led to another, we found a lovely flat on rent, Ana got a job with an IB school and soon we packed our bags and drove down to Chennai. Looking back, the time we spent in Chennai helped us grow immensely. It is probably the best year of our married life so far. And we made amazing friends along the way.

Through both these big decisions, one thing that helped me is the faith and strong belief that things will work out for the best. And also the faith of all others in me. There is a lot of fear, uncertainty, pressure. But if you’ve done your homework, weighed the pros and cons, if you know exactly what you want, then it’s time to listen to your heart, trust your instincts and leap. And I’m sure you won’t be disappointed!

I’ll leave you with Beau Dermott singing Defying Gravity. Apart from a powerful vocal performance, the words of the song touch me a lot every time I hear it 😊

Choices & Consequences

We are constantly making choices, voluntarily or involuntarily. Most of us sometimes are not even aware of half the choices we make on a daily basis. Here are some of the choices we make

We can choose if we’ll reflect our environment, or if we affect our environment.
We can choose to be happy, or not.
We can choose how we react to hard times in our life, with positivity or negativity.
We can choose to take responsibility for our actions, or blame others for our failures.
We can choose to be a victor or take on the role of a victim.

One thing that most of us don’t pay attention to is how we let others change the way we behave and act. Just because others say or do things doesn’t mean we need to be the same or even choose to respond or react in the way they do. As my loving mother used to say “At the pearly gates, God isn’t going to ask you about what others said or did to you, but what you’ve done and said!”

There are some things that we can control in life, and that’s how we react and communicate. When it comes to others, we cannot control what they do, but we can control how we respond.

By practicing self-love, reflective, acceptance, and gratitude, we can work towards feeling confident and taking responsibility for our own life and relationships.

Two Frogs

When I hear of never giving up, the story of two frogs that I heard in school from a Jesuit priest.

Two young frogs fell into a bucket of milk. Both tried to jump to freedom, but the sides of the bucket were steep and no foundation was to be had on the surface of the liquid.

Seeing little chance of escape, the first frog soon despaired and stopped jumping. After a short while, he sunk to the bottom of the bucket and drowned.

The second frog also saw no likelihood of success, but he never stopped trying. Even though each jump seemed to reach the same inadequate height, he kept on struggling. Eventually, his persistent efforts churned some milk into butter. From the now hardened surface of the milk, he managed to leap out of the bucket.

Those who don’t give up and persevere may be in for a pleasant surprise!
Unknown

Here’s a lovely song to help you have a roaring start to your day!

Less Comparison, More Compassion

We all know that person who never takes the smile off their face, who doesn’t have a worry on their mind, who manages to always find something positive no matter what the situation. Wouldn’t we want to trade places with them? We tend to compare our current state looking at them enjoy life.

The truth is we all have our own share of problems and just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist! Just because I don’t share my pain and keep my struggles to myself doesn’t mean that I’m indestructible. Just because I don’t complain about things that drive me crazy doesn’t mean my life is perfect. And just because I laugh away my troubles doesn’t mean I cry myself to sleep at night. At the end of the day, everyone is fighting their own battles.

There are countless ways in which we can compare ourselves to tons of people. The grass always seems greener on the other side. However they say that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness as all it does is keeping you focused on the not so good parts of your life.

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough
Oprah Winfrey

We have so much to be grateful for and one of the ways that helps me is to focus on myself, my blessings. Less of the “shoulds”, less of the “why’s” and more of gratitude. See how you can nurture and care for your own grass! Embrace your past, accept who you are at this moment in time and be proud of what you have accomplished so far!

Being more compassionate and understanding with yourself as well as others goes a long way as we all have our loads. It costs nothing to be kind, and a simple smile can make a person’s entire day.

When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you
Louis Armstrong

I came across this lovely poem by Barbara Back at age 13

She smiled at a sorrowful stranger…
The smile seemed to make him feel better…
He remembered past kindnesses of a friend
And wrote him a thank you letter…

The friend was so pleased with the thank you
That he left a large tip after lunch…
The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,
Bet the whole thing on a hunch…

The next day she picked up her winnings,
And gave part to a man on the street…
The man on the street was grateful;
For two days he’d had nothing to eat…

After he finished his dinner,
He left for his small dingy room…
He didn’t know at that moment
That he might be facing his doom…

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy
And took him home to get warm…
The puppy was very grateful
To be in out of the storm…

That night the house caught on fire…
The puppy barked the alarm…
He barked till he woke the whole household
And saved everybody from harm…

One of the boys that he rescued
Grew up to be President…
All this because of a simple smile
That hadn’t cost a cent..

What better way to show you care than to simply just smile…

Ikigai: The Art of Staying Young While Growing Old

At the start of the lockdown last year I had read this book which helped me in many ways. I thought I’d share a few things that inspired me.

The Japanese term “Ikigai” or the “art of living” refers to the practice of living a purposeful life with respect to a person’s sense of the self. Now you’ll ask why do we look to the Japanese for advice on a long and happy life.

Japan has the highest centenarians per capita, that is, the highest ratio of people that are over 100 years old as a percentage of its population. Within Japan, the island of Okinawa, also known as The Land of Immortals, has the highest rate of centenarians per capita. Okinawa also holds the global immortality title as it has the highest occurrence of centenarians in the world!

These stats make it pretty obvious that the Japanese are doing something right. Let’s take a look at the ten point compressed rule of Ikigai

Stay active, don’t retire
Take it slow
Don’t fill your stomach ~ Hara hachi bun me
Surround yourself with good friends
Get in shape for your next birthday
Smile
Reconnect with nature
Give thanks
Live in the moment
Find and follow your Ikigai

The concept of ikigai as a purpose in life with both personal and social dimensions is captured by the well-known ikigai diagram. This diagram includes overlapping spheres covering:

What you love
What you are good at
What the world needs
What you can get paid for

*Adapted from PositivePsychology.com’s Toolkit, 2020*

At the intersection of what you love and what you are good at is your passion.

At the intersection of what you love and what the world needs is your mission.

At the intersection of what the world needs and what you can get paid for is your vocation.

At the intersection of what you are good at and what you can get paid for is your profession.

To summarise, your Ikigai is something you are very passionate about, that you are also good at, that the world needs now, and for which someone will pay you.

Can someone really retire if he is passionate about what he does?
Hector Garcia Puigcerver

You will never see an Okinawans, even the centenarians, spend time relaxing in a rocking chair. Instead, they take advantage of fresh air and sunshine by engaging in outdoor activities like gardening, yoga, dancing, tai chi, and walking. Retirement simply isn’t part of their vocabulary because they love what they do.

As we see among elderly Okinawans, living in the spirit of ikigai means living a life that embraces movement, acceptance, mindfulness, health, community, and purpose, with longevity representing the outcome of these qualities.

Fortunately, since we know the reasons underlying ikigai, each of us has the potential to find our ikigai. And, even if you aren’t sure of your life’s purpose, don’t despair. Your purpose is out there.

PS: Here is a link to the book on Amazon

Why does God allow suffering?

The last few years have been difficult for many of us as we’ve lost near and dear ones to Covid. We’ve been hearing a lot of calamities across the world, storms, earthquakes and much more. These are all external events that have brought pain, misery and suffering on top of the everyday struggles we experience personally. There’s illness, broken relationships, heartache, abuse, betrayal, sorrow, disappointment, anxiety. And the obvious question we ask ourselves is
“Why me? Why now?”

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12

In our current state we may not see things clearly, we may not understand or comprehend the situation we are in and sometimes we never will. It may be difficult to understand things from our finite perspective. But there are some things that help me when the “why” question comes up.

God is not the creator of suffering

We’ve been blest with free will and so much of the world’s suffering results from the sinful action or inaction of ourselves and others. For example, people look at a famine and wonder where God is, but the world produces enough food for each person to have 3,000 calories a day. It’s our own irresponsibility and self-centeredness that prevents people from getting fed. And then there are things like wildfires, earthquakes, cyclones and hurricanes that cause suffering. But these, too, are the indirect result of our choices in dealing with nature. Through the pandemic, the world added 607 new billionaires or more than three billionaires in two days, while India added 55 new billionaires or one billionaire every week whilst data has shown that 170,000 people lost their jobs every hour in the month of April 2020

The question we may ask is “Couldn’t He have foreseen all this?”. Oh yes, He definitely did. There is this beautiful analogy of parents that comes to mind. Even before having kids, parents ponder over the possibility of pain, disappointment, heartache. Their kids may one day leave them, walk away from them, dump them in a home for the aged. But they still had kids because they also knew of the potential for tremendous joy and deep love and great meaning. The analogy is far from perfect but it does help me understand that despite knowing all that we would do, He still bestowed on us free will.

God fulfils His purpose through our pain

When I look back at my own life, I clearly see the hand of God at every stage. He takes the negative circumstances of our life and creates something good from them. He is able to work through offenses to fulfill His purposes in your life and in the world. He may use our suffering to draw us to Himself, to mold and sharpen our character, to influence others for Him. He can draw something good from our pain in a myriad of ways … if we trust Him to work all things together for good.

I remember a very touching story that I read in one of the editions of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

LONDON – JULY 5, 1975: Arthur Ashe of the USA holds up the championship trophy for men’s singles of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships after defeating Jimmy Connors 6-1, 6-1, 5-7, 6-4 July 5, 1975 at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club in London, England. (Photo by Focus On Sport/Getty Images)

The legendary Wimbledon Player, Arthur Ashe, was dying of AIDS, which he got due to Infected Blood he received during a Heart Surgery in 1983! During his illness, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:

Why did God have to select you for such a bad disease?

To this Arthur Ashe replied :
⁃ 50 Million children started playing Tennis,
⁃ 5 Million learnt to play Tennis,
⁃ 500 000 learnt Professional Tennis,
⁃ 50 Thousand came to Circuit,
⁃ 5 Thousand reached Grand Slam,
⁃ 50 reached Wimbledon,
⁃ 4 reached the Semifinals,
⁃ 2 reached the Finals
and when I was holding the cup in my hand, I never asked God:
“Why Me?”

So now that I’m in pain how can I ask God:“Why Me?”

The next time the going gets tough, instead of “Why me?” let’s Trust Him, Flex our Faith and strive to say “Try me!“

Deeds not words

I studied at St. Britto High School, a Jesuit school in Goa. The school motto, which is also on the school coat of arms is “Facta non verba” which translates to “Deeds, not words”

St. Britto High School – Coat of Arms

Love is not something that just remains a feeling within, but eventually reflects in our actions. This love is in relation to our self family, friends and even extends to our work.

Love ought to find its expression in deeds more than in words
St Ignatius of Loyola, Spiritual Exercises 230

In the fourth week of the Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius talks about love finding expression in deeds more than in words and this is why Jesuits are often referred to as “Contemplatives In Action” (CIA!). All our encounters with the divine should flow into our interactions with all we meet every day.

We live in a high-speed world where our work and personal life are often mashed into one big blur of activity. Most of us operate from two gears – fast and faster! In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of life, we need to make time to pause and reflect, pause and be grateful, pause and look back to see what I may need to improve or change, a time to Examen. Getting into a cycle of Experience, Reflection, Action leads to life of love lived out in deeds and not merely words.

Are you ready to join the CIA today? :)