When water is ‘still’, it has a natural ability to let go of all the dissolved sediments. With time the sediments settle at the bottom making the water pure and clear.
But if the water is stirred again, the sediments re-mix with the water making it muddier once again.
This is exactly what happens with your mind as well.
When your mind is agitated, it gets filled with thoughts and in all that chaos, it becomes difficult to think clearly. You become confused. But just like water, your mind has the ability to let go of thoughts and become calmer when in a state of stillness or presence.
Understanding anger
Anger is an influx of angry thoughts in your mind along with an associated emotion in your body.
The emotion of anger drives more thoughts and the thoughts in turn strengthen the emotion thus creating an endless cycle.
The fuel that keeps this cycle going is your unconscious attention. The more unconscious attention you pay to your thoughts, the more powerful these thoughts become and so becomes the associated emotion.
There comes a time when all that emotional energy in your body will prompt you to take action as this energy needs to be dispersed. But most action taken in this state will be destructive in nature because your mind is clouded with thoughts and is in a state of confusion. This is exactly similar to being under the influence of alcohol or any other substance. This is why we usually regret the actions we take under the influence of anger.
Therefore, the wise way is to wait out the anger, allowing it to calm down. Anger subsides with time and when you no longer fuel your anger by paying unconscious attention to angry thoughts.
The solution is allow your thoughts to settle down
The solution is to allow your thoughts to settle down.
A simple way to achieve this is to no longer focus on the thoughts, but to shift your attention to something neutral, like your breath. You can go into nature, listen to the birds, become conscious of your sense perceptions, or even become mindful of your thoughts. By removing unconscious attention from your thoughts, you allow your thoughts to settle down. Soon you will feel calmer and clarity will return.
When your mind becomes calmer, thoughts being to settle down and you begin to think clearly and hence attracting the right answers.
We live in a fast-paced world where no lines and no waiting are common. We can now have anything delivered to our doorstep in a matter of hours and get information with the click of a button.
While the convenience factor of the fast-paced world can be appreciated, it can also have a negative effect on us. The no lines no waiting world causes us to underestimate how long change takes when it comes to personal growth.
We tend to expect feel better or to change our habits in a week or two. Real change however takes much longer. Expecting immediate results can be disastrous when it comes to personal achievement. It often leads to unhealthy shortcuts or giving up on a goal way too early.
Our unrealistic expectations may also cause us to draw incorrect conclusions. You may think you’re not good enough or that you aren’t able to succeed. But the truth might be that you have simply not given yourself enough time.
Whether you’re trying to lose weight or you’re launching a new business, results always take time. If you’re always in a rush to see results, here are two mental strength exercises that can help you develop the patience you need to stay the course:
1. Celebrate milestones along your journey.
If you’re trying to pay off a 20 lakh loan, your goal can seem unrealistic. It’s important to establish short-term objectives and then celebrate when you hit smaller milestones. Those celebrations can help motivate you to keep going.
Perhaps you celebrate each time you pay down 1 lakh. Or maybe you pause every week and reflect as you pay off another 1000 rupees toward your goal. Just make sure your celebrations don’t interrupt your progress.
You might be tempted to do things like spend money to celebrate your debt payment or eat junk food to celebrate your weight loss. But if you use this as an excuse for a celebration, it can actually be self-sabotaging. So make sure your celebrations honor your progress without derailing you from your long-term goals.
2. Create a plan to resist temptation.
Establishing a goal won’t make your temptation disappear. There will inevitably be days and times when you lack motivation and you want to give in to immediate gratification. So create a plan ahead of time that can help you steer clear of temptations.
Being mentally strong isn’t about surrounding yourself with irresistible temptations just to prove you’re strong enough to abstain. Instead, it’s important to build a life conducive to building mental muscle.
If you’re trying to lose weight, then get rid of the junk food in the house. If you want to pay off your loans, don’t go shopping.
Removing temptations frees up more mental energy to focus on your goals–and you won’t waste all your brain power trying to resist temptation.
Of course, there will be times when your emotions get the best of you, times when you believe thoughts that aren’t true, and times when you engage in self-destructive behavior. But these times will grow fewer and farther between when you’re actively working to build mental strength.
Also, keep in mind that progress doesn’t always come in a straight line. Sometimes, things have to get a little worse before they can get better. But if you establish realistic expectations for yourself and commit to the long haul, you increase the chances that you’ll be able to reach your goals.
Don’t forget that you are your own hero and you can do this. You can accomplish all the goals you set for yourself and you deserve the life of your dreams. Go get those dreams!
You probably hear it over and over again how important it is to be positive, think positive and only engage in positive activity. In this day and age, being positive isn’t always an easy task. Turn on the news and the first thing you will usually see is something negative. Head into work and a negative coworker is already complaining about the boss. Watching most of our leaders often makes me just shake my head in disbelief. The list goes on and on.
The point is that negativity is all around us. No matter where you look, you will always find either a negative situation or a negative person. However, you don’t have to let what happens on the outside interfere with what happens within you.
Being positive each and every day is an inside job that consists of intentional effort even at times when you don’t feel like it. No, being positive won’t guarantee that you will be a success or achieve a major goal of yours, but it will help you a whole lot more than what being negative will do for you.
Here are some ways you can become more positive regardless of what is going on around you.
1. Make the choice.
All of life consists of choices. In order to be incredibly successful, stay positive, and reach your full potential, it all starts with a firm choice to do just that.
You can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible or you can trust that with faith and an optimistic attitude all things are possible.
Jon Gordon, The Energy Bus
2. Talk to yourself like a champion.
Talk to yourself instead of listen to yourself. Instead of listening to your complaints, fears and doubts, talk to yourself and feed your mind with words of truth and encouragement you need to keep moving forward.
3. Be strict with energy vampires.
Association is everything. It’s an absolute must that you have zero tolerance for negative energy vampires. Post a sign that says ‘No Energy Vampires Allowed.’
I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
Gandhi
4. Live your purpose.
Nothing helps you to come more alive and radiate positive energy like living out your purpose. Remember why you do what you do. We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we forget why we do it.
5. Change your perception of adversity and failure.
Being able to redefine what failure really means and learning how to capitalize off of each and every setback. The next time you ‘fail’ remember that you aren’t failing, you are becoming. You aren’t failing, you are growing.
6. Smile and laugh more.
Very simple things to do, but so many forget the power of just smiling and laughing more. Smile and laugh more. They are natural anti-depressants.
7. Protect your inner world.
It’s important to remember that regardless of how bad or negative a certain situation may be that you don’t have to let it dictate your level of happiness or positivity.
Remember that outside circumstances and events have no power over you. You create your world from the inside-out.
Jon Gordon, The Energy Bus
8. Be patient.
A great majority of the negativity that holds many people back is a major lack of patience. Greatness takes an extraordinary amount of time putting in the work behind closed doors before anything blossoms. There’s no such thing as an overnight success. Anything worthwhile takes time to build.
Set yourself on a path to a positive, refreshing attitude on life. And maybe, just maybe, it will help you find more happiness in your life, allowing you to be more productive and face failures head-on.
The sky above us is often filled with so many dark clouds that the idea of ever being able to find a rainbow seems impossible. We know that one is there. . .somewhere. . .but where oh where? When I first saw the film, “The Wizard of Oz,” I felt really happy listening to Judy Garland singing, “Somewhere over the Rainbow”? The mere idea of a rainbow fills most of with joy, perhaps because rainbows are magical jewels of nature, rather than manufactured marvels. Sure, a Hollywood production studio helped provide a rainbow to inspire Judy’s song, but, for us, rainbows are those exquisite jewel-like ribbons of color that appear in the sky after a storm.
If you want to experience a rainbow in your life and you’re waiting to see one until a thunderstorm clears, you may never have the privilege of enjoying one. For, they don’t just pop up whenever we desire them. In fact, I have come to see that there are times when we actually have to paint them ourselves, out of whatever materials we have on hand. Whether we use crayons or paint or colored pencils or magic markers, we can paint our own rainbow. And we don’t have to be a Pablo Picasso to create a rainbow that is worthy of admiration. Even children paint rainbows. In fact, a child is much more likely to draw or paint a rainbow than an adult is. Why? Because children believe in impossibilities. They haven’t yet been conditioned to have ceilings on their dreams or lids on their fantasies. This is one reason that children are so creative. Oddly enough, scientific studies have shown that between the ages of five and seven, a child’s creativity level decreases at an enormous rate. The reason for this is thought to stem from the fact that, when a child first attends school, he or she begins learning about all the things that he/she cannot do. . .all the things that are “impossible” or “illogical”. Prior to being told that he or she cannot do something, a child tends to believe that anything is possible.
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
Picasso
I still vividly remember hearing actress Jodie Foster’s acceptance speech when she on her second Best Actress Oscar in 2002 for Jonathan Demme’s “The Silence of The Lambs”. Jodie thanked her mother for enabling her to believe that she could make any of her dreams come true—for convincing her that “all her fingerpaintings” were “Picassos”. And, perhaps, Jodie’s unfailing determination to go after the roles she has wanted, in spite of those who have tried to held her back, has something to do with the seed of self-confidence her mother nourished within her beginning at a very young age. Ironically enough, Jodie wasn’t the first choice for either her role in “The Accused” or “The Silence of the Lambs,” and yet, her performance in each film was impressive enough to garner her an Academy Award.
Although some people would say that thinking “big” is unrealistic, I think that only when we step outside so-called “realism” and dare to have big dreams, can we truly get enthusiastic about life. David Schwarz in his classic book, The Magic of Thinking Big, promotes the theory that the main thing holding people back in life is actually their “small thoughts”. According to Schwarz, whether or not you dream big dreams or small dreams is actually more of a factor in your ultimate success than talent, education, or connections.
Who says we have to remain strapped in by the seat belts of probability? Who can predict what is possible or impossible? Sure, there will always be well-meaning friends and relatives in our midst to tell us when we are engaging in what they call “wishful thinking”. But we make the choice whether we decide to believe them, or whether we continue to pursue our dreams, no matter how many people tell us we’re being illogical. You see, one of the problems is that the people who tell us that we have to be “logical” are generally people who have chosen to repress their own dreams themselves. Now they may claim they had no choice in the matter, but, the truth is, we all have a choice. Some of us may have to be more patient than others to make our dreams a reality, but all of have the chance to paint that rainbow.
Sometimes we get so bogged down by the challenges of life that we stop seeing the beauty around us. We become myopic. The goal being, to make it through the day. Some may be facing complex challenges in their lives that caused them to become numb, but beauty is omnipresent. We need to take a moment to notice the blessings in nature and in our lives. It can transform the way one feels and also offer hope and peace at a time of upheaval.
No one is immune to problems. There is no person with a perfect life. We need to change how we perceive things to feel that there will be an end to the turmoil. When we step out in nature, we need to open our eyes and really observe the miracles.
Magnificence is everywhere a rainstorm, a bird’s nest, the intricate design of a spider web, the vivid color of a flower, the ebb and flow of the ocean, or the spiral in a whelk shell. The examples are endless. When we notice the natural phenomena and how nature renews itself, it’s a reminder that we can too. We are capable of metamorphosis, just like the caterpillar that becomes a butterfly.
When we spend time in nature and appreciate the beauty, we understand that we are uniting with a higher power. We become aware of what matters in life. We recognize our connectedness. A simple walk in nature can help put life’s problems in perspective.
How you can begin to notice more beauty in your everyday, ordinary life
We live in a vast world full of beautiful things, if only we would only look up and notice. And this noticing, it takes a little practice, so don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t come easily.
Make space for it
I’m talking about white space. Time where you have nothing planned. Nothing pressing to do. Few weekends back we only had a couple of things planned and I was able to notice how tired I felt. Two daytime naps later and I’m very thankful for noticing what my body needed to tell me.
Invite curiosity
As adults, laden with responsibility and other boring adult duties we forget the magic of a curious mind. When I was little, my curious mind had me experimenting with potions to ward off ghosts. Or creating a tiny army of robot friends from Lego.
But as an adult, when I get a whiff of curiosity I often ward it off with some kind of ‘busy work’. What happens when we embrace curiosity? We become attuned to the beauty in our ordinary lives.
Curiosity is a tool for the scavenger hunt
Elizabeth Gilbert said
Unschedule (a little)
I’m a planner, a scheduler, someone who always calls first and expects you to too 😜 But I’ve realized that allowing a little more spontaneity into my life means I get to notice things I wouldn’t have.
What I gained when I started to notice more
When I made way for more noticing, I gained more joy, and more delight. I felt gratitude more.
You can’t help but be thankful when you are noticing the beautiful in the ordinary. In fact, I feel more grateful for the ordinary beautiful than the extraordinary beautiful. As if it’s earned it’s place by just simply being.
Happiness is a choice. Whether we want to believe it or not, we are responsible for how happy we are. There is a lot of power in realizing that we are in charge of our own happiness. No one else gets to call the shots. And while our friends and family can be a part of our “happiness team” they don’t get to decide how to play the game or what that game even looks like. The best cheering section is the one that will cheer you on no matter what.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
One theory in psychology research suggests that we all have a happiness “set-point” that largely determines our overall well-being. We oscillate around this set point, becoming happier when something positive happens or the opposite, afterwards returning to equilibrium.
But this set-point, to a certain extent, can be reset. Although our general mood levels and well-being are partially determined by factors like genetics and upbringing, roughly 40 percent of our happiness is within our control, according to some experts, and a large body of research in the field of positive psychology has shown that happiness is a choice that anyone can make.
The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.
William James
There isn’t one right way to be happy. There isn’t a specific formula that everyone must follow to find true happiness. There isn’t a secret recipe on the back of the Lucky Charms box. In fact, what works for one person may not work for another because finding our happy is deeply personal. But it is possible and is entirely up to each of us.
Here is a lovely poem by Vanessa Hughes
Choose Happy
Choose to be happy Take that option today Find delight In a contented way
We opt for ‘If only’ We had this or that Our lives would be better Instead of being flat
‘If things were different’ I’d be so content But if things were different About other things we’d vent
So be mindful of what You think you need Happiness doesn’t come From material feed
Nor does it come from People or praise It comes from within And with you, it stays
Choose to be happy It’s by far the best way Then watch how your life Improves every day
Today is the feast of St. Francis Xavier, a Jesuit, one of St. Ignatius Loyola’s closest friends and an original founding companion of the Society of Jesus, is most honored by the Catholic Church, other Christian churches, and the Jesuit order for his missionary accomplishments particularly in India, Southeast Asia and Japan.
His missionary travels took him to many places around the world. In fact, Xavier was the only original companion to leave Europe. He traveled from Rome to Lisbon, Portugal and then to India. Along the way, he assisted in many previously established missions; including those in Mozambique and Melindi (Kenya) Africa, Socotra (an island off the coast of Somalia), and Goa and other communities in the southern coastal areas.
In 1549, Xavier began the first Christian mission in Japan where he served in the country for over two years. In 1552, he set sail to begin the first Christian mission in China. When he arrived, however, he was not allowed to disembark on the Mainland. For three months, he waited on an island off of Canton while trying to gain entry into the country. He died on the island of an acute illness at the age of forty-six. Xavier was canonized by Gregory XV on March 12, 1622, at the same time as Ignatius Loyola.
St. Xavier ranks among the greatest missionaries in Christian history. Historians place the number of baptisms at roughly 30,000 people; lore cites numbers up to 100,000. Today, such missionary accomplishments may be challenging to appreciate in light of present day plurality, cultural relativism, and global engagement, yet a great deal can be learned from Xavier in the way he conducted his life and work with meaning and purpose. Three qualities of Xavier are highlighted which are noteworthy in today’s modern world.
ENTHUSIASM Xavier was known to have conducted his life’s work with great vitality and zeal. For instance, when Loyola asked Xavier to join an expedition to the Far East he was “overjoyed”. Even descriptions of how he moved capture his gusto – “he walked with a joyful, calm face” and “everywhere he went he went with laughter in his mouth”.
PASSION-DRIVEN ACHIEVEMENT Xavier set high standards for himself and had ambitious plans for the future. He was a man of quick perception and sound judgment. And while he was fervent, he was known to be so without losing a realistic grasp of the facts. Yet, his goals were not to be “the best” or “first”, but rather to make an impact. He was driven by a passion, and an internal energy. He passionately pursued extra-ordinary yet realistic challenges. What motivated Xavier to set high standards was his drive to help others in a way that he believed was beneficial to all persons on earth. Xavier conducted his work in the spirit of magis; a Latin term meaning “more” and used by Loyola to underscore good character in service to others.
OPENNESS TO THE INFLUENCE OF OTHERS The third quality is associated with Xavier’s personality, including how he related to others as well as himself. It goes beyond enthusiasm and passion. Xavier was known to be a charismatic man. He had a “dashing and robust personality” and has been described as “astounding”, “decisive”, “cheerful”, “vivacious”, “practical”, “prudent”, and a “keen, ambitious” boy in school.
Today, he would be described as a “people person”. He was successful because of his ability to mix easily with persons of various social-classes, races, and beliefs. Xavier understood people. He learned the languages and adopted the indigenous dress of the peoples he served. Xavier had a deep sense of cross-cultural understanding, and appreciated that God’s presence was already present in all cultures, peoples, places and things. His appreciation is noteworthy because it was not always true of his beliefs. It grew out of his experiences.
Here’s a song from ‘AMDG: A World is not enough’, hymn of St. Francis Xavier, by Cristobal Fones SJ. I had the opportunity to sing this song when I was at Xavier’s College, Mumbai on the feast day in 2009 with my dear friend Sydney, accompanied by the talented twins, Rex and Glen and directed by the very vivacious and versatile Virgil! :)
When the world shuts the sun in darkness When all dreams are swallowed Deep beneath the sea When no one is so caring to dare crossing the ocean That corners the poor and the broken Rise my light, my Jesus Set me soaring, flying Let me trust your promises, Let me do your will
Chorus: JESUS, FIRE IN MY HEART MY HEART, AFLAME IN LOVE FOR THE WORLD FEEL NO LIMITS, SEES NO BOUNDARIES ONLY GOD, MY HOPE FEEL NO LIMITS, SEES NO BOUNDARIES ONLY GOD, MY HOPE
Even if I gained the whole world It’s nothing to me if it takes me not to you May no tides pull me under, no dark swell engulf me In lifting my gaze to your star There in the eyes of the hungry, I see you looking back to me And your love fills up my soul, now my soul sets sail
Jesus, you give joy to your people Jesus, you free them, giving pardon and your peace It’s such love that impels me, embracing a people That longs for your kingdom to come All is yours, you’ve given me. None is mine, but all is grace In your hands, take all of it You’re my land, my sea
What have you done today that your future self will thank you for? This is a question I often pose to myself. Sometimes I can answer with a number of positive, future supporting tasks that I have ticked off my ‘to do’ list for that day. Clearly these things will have both long and short term benefits. However, like everyone of us, I have days where it’s a struggle to find the positive future-life-enhancing tasks to tick off.
Of course, the point of looking forward is to appreciate that it is actually ourselves that we are setting up for a better or worse day, week, month or year. This can be a powerful motivator for not just getting things done, but for focusing on and getting the important things done.
As we know, it’s all too easy to put tasks off for another day, but, when those tasks are the things that will help create a stronger, fitter, wealthier and happier future for ourselves, then it’s high time that we got to it!
I think all of us are looking at the future with yesterday’s eyes.
Dan Burrus
It’s important to recognise that motivation is fickle! Consequently, it’s essential to your future self that you do as much as you possibly can to maintain the excitement (motivation) you feel for your goal. Don’t allow systematic stumbling blocks, ie, those that you can control, to derail your forward momentum.
Working regularly and consistently to create the future you want, rather than the default future which will turn up if you continue on the well-worn path of least resistance, should be a primary life aim. Spending time working out what you actually want, putting a loose plan together, and obtaining or setting aside the resources will get you excited and as a result you will feel motivated.
To keep your excitement (motivation) high, revisit your plan regularly so you always know what your next action will be. By doing this you will improve and enrich your future life and your future self will be a happy bunny!
Here is a lovely poem by Terrie Brushette
Never Stop Being You
Never stop caring about the little things in life. Never stop dreaming, and don’t give into strife. Never stop wondering are we on our own. Never stop thinking has your spirituality grown.
Never stop building bridges that lead to better tomorrows. Never stop trying, and don’t give into sorrow. Never stop feeling amazed at the beauty that surrounds you. Never stop hearing the music, and don’t give into the blues.
Never stop pushing away negative thoughts that make you feel sad. Never stop looking at all the miracles we have had. Never stop loving the ones you hold dear. Never stop giving, and don’t give into the fear.
Never stop smiling, but look forward to each new day. Never stop shining in your own special way. Never forget that all storms will clear. Remember brighter tomorrows are always near.
Bad stuff happens. If you’re human, you have experienced more hardships than you can count. Whether you lost your job or a relative, sometimes the anguish seems like it’s too much to bear. It’s often easy to wish that bad things would never happen to us. Why can’t we be like those other people who seem to have everything going for them? Nothing bad ever happens to them.
Of course, this is a fallacy. Bad things happen to all people. Everyone who is born must die. Every one of us is confronted with constant challenges which test our will. We can’t escape suffering. It’s an integral part of the human experience.
If we can’t hide from suffering, then we must embrace it. Here’s how:
Gain perspective from suffering
Find meaning in suffering through sacrifice
Use suffering as a catalyst for change
To think of it, without suffering, could we truly understand joy? Our experiences are always relative. Two people making $60,000 in the United States could feel completely different about their situation. Marcus was unemployed for five months and finally got a steady job after constantly searching. Stephanie has been working at the same job for 20 years and has received modest yearly raises. Who do you think is more grateful for their current position?
Without suffering, it’s easy to take everything for granted. Our default isn’t gratitude. Why should we be grateful for the way things are? If everything has always gone perfectly for you, you don’t consider how lucky you really are.
When you suffer, you gain perspective. When you break your arm, you suddenly become grateful for its use when you recover. When you lose your job, you are that much happier once you are employed again. When you lose a loved one, you suddenly realize how lucky you are to have everyone else in your life.
Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who was imprisoned in concentration camps during World War 2, explained that humans can find meaning in life through suffering. It can create purpose in life. Nobody wants to suffer, but we can’t control our circumstances. We can only choose how to react.
Suffering can act as a catalyst for action. Entrepreneurs frequently come up with their best ideas after they lose their jobs and their backs are against the wall. The necessity to innovate can result in magnificent new solutions. In Antifragile, Nassim Taleb explains that we become stronger in response to external stressors. Just like muscles, our personalities become stronger after they have been broken.
We should be grateful for suffering! Without it, we might stay within our comfort zones our entire lives, always putting off our dreams for tomorrow. Suffering can be just the thing we need to push us over the edge to make the change we desire.
Nobody wants to suffer, but suffering is part of being human. When confronted with difficult situations, we have a choice: we can despair or we can overcome. We must use our negative experiences as tools to grow. Whether you have broken a relationship, your leg, or a contract with an employer, there is always something you can learn. Embrace the suffering and be grateful for what you have. Being human is a wild experience with countless ups and downs — this is what makes life beautiful. Suffering can be an advantage — use it to grow.
We all have something stored in our memories of the past that we wish we could have done differently, or something we wish we didn’t do.
As we get older we learn and grow, but that doesn’t mean we have to regret what we did before we learned how to do things differently. If we didn’t go through those experiences, we might not have grown into the strong and knowledgeable people we are today.
During my days as a Jesuit, one of the experiences we had was assisting in a rural hospital for a month. During this experience at Shevgaon, I learned a lot about regret. It was shocking how many of the patients got to the end of their lives wishing they had lived differently. Many had unresolved relationship issues, unfulfilled dreams, and long-held resentments. Through our many conversations, we tried to help them come to terms with their regrets while they still had the chance. Some were able to find some resolution, but for others, it was too late, and they died still hanging on to regrets.
This impactful experience became a huge motivator for me to start living as if any day could be my last. We never know how long we will live, so we must make conscious choices each day to live fully and make the most out of each experience we have. Here are some ways to start living life with no regrets.
1. Let your loved ones know you love them. 2. Follow your dream. 3. Trust your gut instincts. 4. Keep your work at work. 5. Practice forgiveness. 6. Be yourself. 7. Practice kindness.
Our lives are meant to be lived fully and completely, without regret. We never know how long we have, so let’s start living a life free of regrets today and every day.
Kenrick Vaz 