Can we Save our Planet?

Unfortunately, we humans have not been very good stewards of the Earth over the years. To protect the environment and preserve the planet for our children and future generations, we all need to take proactive steps toward cleaner living habits.

Whether it’s gas, food, clothing, cars, furniture, water, toys, electronics, knick-knacks or other goods, we are all consumers. The key is not to stop consuming, but to start being mindful of our consumption habits and how each purchase or action affects the ecosystem.

The good news is that it’s often not too difficult, expensive, or inconvenient to become more environmentally friendly. It can even be a fun challenge to implement among your family or coworkers. And though small changes at the individual level may seem trivial, just think how much cleaner the planet would be if everyone adopted even a few of the following behavior modifications.

Here are 8 ways you can start to protect the environment today:

1. Consume less.

Curbing consumption can have a huge impact on the environment. The three “R’s”—reduce, reuse and recycle— get a lot of attention, but the planet could benefit from some focus on the most important and most underrepresented “R”: refuse.

When you refuse, you say “no,” which is not always easy. Freebies at events, cheap goods on clearance, the hot new children’s toys or the latest gadgets that promise to make your life better—none of these are essential. And they almost always end up either in the trash or forgotten in the back of a closet. Next time you’re tempted to purchase or accept a non-essential item, think about whether it would truly improve your life. If not, it’s ok to just say, “No, thanks!”

2. Compost.

Another “R” that doesn’t get much attention but has important environmental implications is “rot.” As in, let your food and yard waste rot naturally in the soil instead of sending it to the landfill. In other words: compost.

Composting your food scraps and yard waste offers double rewards: it keeps an incredible amount of trash out of the waste stream, and it produces free, rich soil to use in your garden. Some cities now pick up organic waste alongside regular trash and recycling pick up. If your area doesn’t offer this service, no worries— you can set up a low-maintenance compost pile in your backyard.

3. Choose reusable over single-use

Think about how many people you see each day drinking beverages from disposable cups or disposable bottles, sipping from disposable straws, carrying disposable grocery bags, eating from disposable plates or containers and using disposable utensils. All that single-use plastic has to go somewhere, and it’s had a devastating effect on our soil, oceans and marine life.

All of the above items (and more) have more environmentally responsible counterparts. Switch to reusable items and make a commitment to use them as often as possible. You’ll have less trash piling up at your curb, and you’ll be helping to protect the environment in a major way.

4. Upcycle more.

Get creative with your useless or unwanted items by upcycling—basically, turning trash into treasure. Creating something new such as artwork, toys or jewelry is both satisfying and one of the best ways to protect the environment. Not only does it keep items out of the trash, it can prevent having to purchase new items, which require lots of resources to produce. Children love making things; so instead of heading to the craft store, check out your recycle bin first and let their imaginations soar!

5. Recycle properly.

If you can’t refuse it…and you can’t rot it…and you can’t reduce it…and you can’t upcycle or reuse it…then it’s time to turn to the final “R”—recycling. Educate yourself on what can and cannot be recycled in your bins at home. Throwing the wrong items in the recycle bin can result in an entire load being rejected, which means … back to the landfill.

You can also easily find out how to recycle special items such as electronics, batteries and appliances. Check with your local municipality for drop-off sites, and make an effort to get your items to the proper disposal sites.

6. Buy local.

With regards to shopping, it’s important to think about the path your stuff takes just to get to you. All that packaging, combined with the fuel needed for delivery, really takes a toll on the environment. Instead, check out your local farmers market for fresh, package-free food; try eating at a farm-to-table restaurant; and buy from local artists, clothing makers, and retailers before you click for that two-day shipping.

7. Use fewer chemicals.

Want to protect the environment? Use fewer harmful chemicals and you’ll be on the right track. It’s hard to be sure about the long-term negative effects chemicals can have, both on our bodies and on the planet, so it’s best to avoid them if possible. Opt for chemical-free lawn and garden care; all-natural beauty and hygiene items; natural household cleaners; and organic food. The Earth will thank you!

8. Use less water.

Conserving water at home is one of the easiest ways to protect the environment. Think of all the times you consume water, both inside and outside your home; then, make adjustments as you can. For example:

Turn off the tap while you brush your teeth.
Fix leaky faucets.
Make your water use more efficient by aerating faucets, using sprinklers that reduce runoff and installing low-flow toilets and efficient shower heads.
Collect and use rainwater for watering plants.
Shorten your shower by a few minutes.
Only run your dishwasher or washing machine when it’s full

I came across this lovely infographic from oceanservice.noaa.gov

*Protecting our planet starts with you. Here are **just a few of the things** you can do.*

Focus on the Now to Build your Tomorrow

Do you catch yourself spending a lot of time focusing on your future, meticulously planning it to the last detail and sacrificing the present moment for some illusory sense of happiness. Often we are too busy thinking of the future, seeing what we will do after we get that dream job, plan our dream vacation. Under the pretext of chasing our dreams, we destroy ourselves by neglecting our mental and physical needs and striving for happiness as a reward for our hard work. We fail to realise that by focusing too much on the future, we completely miss the beautiful present moment which is all we’ll ever have.

Most of us have a blueprint of the perfect life we want to lead and then we live life like a zombie trying to complete all the tasks on our to-do lists and belittling ourselves when we fail to reach the impossible standards we’ve set for ourselves. While making a plan of where we want to go is definitely a good idea, it is okay to steer off course a bit sometimes and simply follow the whims of our hearts. In fact, instead of planning every moment, it is more beneficial to simply throw yourself into things and go with the flow. Instead of wasting time sketching out the future and procrastinating, it is better to start doing things even if you don’t have the end in mind.

It is a lot like writing a novel. Instead of trying to work out the ending and fates of every character from the beginning itself, it is okay to start with a rough sketch and then experiment and let intuition guide you.

If you want to be successful, then you must appreciate the importance of living in the present. Always remember, the best preparation for tomorrow, is doing your best today. Here are some tips to motivate you to make the most of the present.

1. Be Grateful For The Little Things: Start a gratitude journal or take time out to appreciate the things going well in your life, or the things you take for granted. Find the good in every situation and look for miracles in the mundane.

2. Train Yourself To Do One Thing At A Time: Don’t work on too many projects no matter how big your ambitions are. Finish one task at a time. Take it one day at a time, and soon you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve managed to accomplish.

3. Ask Yourself Questions To Be In The Present: Remind yourself of where you are by asking yourself, ‘Is this what I should be doing right now?’, ‘Am I feeling happy doing this thing?’, ‘What is the one thing I can do to make today count?’ Become self-aware and listen to your feelings.

4. Schedule Some ‘Me Time’ And Make The Most Of It: Make some time out of your busy schedule to indulge in a creative hobby, enjoy the beauty of nature or whatever it is that you do to chill. Not only will it help you relax, it will also aid you in focusing better at your tasks.

In other words, instead of waiting to get started, START NOW. If we really want to be prepared for tomorrow, we need to give our best effort today rather than only worrying about the uncertain tomorrow.

We are Energetic Beings

Have you ever worked alongside someone who was a drainer of your energy? You know the sort – the people who are constantly negative, focused on what could go wrong and spend most of the day gossiping about other people… even if they don’t know them.

Unfortunately, some teams seem to be filled with these people where the culture has become infested with a dark, heavy energy that drains the fun and joy away and negatively impacts productivity, creativity and results. Even more disturbing is how contagious a negative energy can be… spreading like wildfire through a team and even the entire organisation.

So the real question here is – are you an energy giver or taker?

Every day you get to choose who you are when you turn up at work. You get to choose if you are seen to bring lightness, joy and possibility to the team or if you bring with you a heavy cloud filled with negativity and doom. It’s you choice. You decide.

And the higher up you go and the more people you lead or influence on a daily basis, the more important it is to manage your energy and attitude.

So here are 5 simple questions to ask yourself to assess the energy you bring to the team.

1. Is your glass half full? Do you generally move past the drama of a situation and see the opportunities that present even when it seems like everything is going against you? Do you instinctively look for the positives and learning from a situation rather than dwell on what went wrong and looking to “blame” and explain.

2. Are you a problem solver? Organisations are hungry for problem solvers! Many teams become paralysed by a tendency to “admire” their problems rather than getting into action and creative solution mode. You will become enormously valuable to any team if you become the go-to girl for finding and implementing innovative solutions that work.

3. Do people respond positively when your name pops up on caller ID? This is an interesting concept to think about. Do people grimace, hit the reject button or answer the phone with a sinking feeling of dread…. Or do they run to answer the call, no matter what, with a bright and breezy hello? Be honest. Which is it? Which do you want it to be?

4. Is your bubble one of lightness and joy? Imagine for a moment that you have a bubble of energy surrounding you.

How would other people describe the energy in your bubble? Would it be light, playful, caring, possibility focused, interested, curious, courageous, loving or bold? Or would it be heavy, dark, aggressive, angry, bored, indifferent, flat or unkind.

I believe that we all carry with us a bubble or an aura that rubs up against and leaves an impression or even impacts everyone we meet. Make sure yours is what you want it to be.

5. Do you smile a lot? I know that this might sound strange … but do you smile a lot while at work? If you are not in a place where you can smile a lot… then you are probably in the wrong place. Further more, you are quite possibly an energy taker and you are probably not the person that everyone wants on the team. Harsh … but true!

If you ever feel overwhelmed by your surroundings and busy schedule and need a way of re-charging your battery to continue with your day, there are many ways of incorporating energy givers into your routine. On the other hand, there are also multiple energy takers people unconsciously experience in their daily lives without realizing the effect. If people work to notice these energy takers, then people have the power to eliminate them from their lives.

Below is a list of energy givers and takers to note:

Energy Givers

Giving compliments to people
Outdoor time for at least 30 minutes a day
Exercise
Watching your favourite TV show
Drinking tea (or coffee)
Petting animals (if allergies permit!)
Music
Spas, Face masks
Wearing an outfit that makes you feel confident
Waking up early for sunrise or late for sunset
Eating your guilty-pleasure snack
Turning the lights off and watching a movie
Walks for fresh air
Grabbing a coffee at a café even if you own a coffee maker
Writing a card for someone
Dancing
Listening to an old song
Hugs
Fuzzy blankets
Picking out your outfit the night before
Complimenting yourself in the mirror once a day
Taking care of plants
Eating a home-cooked meal

Energy Takers

Spending time with people who put you down
Spending too much time on social media
Excessive screen time
Comparing yourself to others
Speaking negatively on repeat
Not eating enough food or drinking enough water
Neglecting self-care
Not sleeping enough
Oversleeping
Sitting in one spot for too long
Not changing scenery/environment
Trying to please everyone
Overworking yourself
Wearing uncomfortable clothes
Not seeing enough sunlight
Not setting a routine
Not setting aside me-time
Eating unhealthy study snacks only or too many sugary energy drinks
Rushing to get ready instead of giving yourself time

Now that you have a list of general energy givers versus takers, feel free to combine your favourite ones into a list of your own. Experiment with new activities that you learn from slowly adopting the above energy givers. As for energy takers, be mindful that not everyone feels drained from the same negative stimuli (the same goes for positive), so feel free to make a list that better pertains to your needs and reflects the activities that bring down your mood.

Why should you Embrace your Inner Child

We were all children at some point in our lives and that kid didn’t just up and leave the moment you became the responsible adult you are today. They’re still a part of you and we should learn to embrace them. Why? We shall see in a bit.

But first let us quickly see the definition of “Inner Child”

Too many adults have lost their childlike spirit. If you can harness and embrace your inner child, you will likely be a happier, more satisfied adult.

Reason 1 — To Imagine & Create

With the limitations of an archaic educational system born from the industrial revolution, global economic disruption, rising wealth and social equality in emerging markets and the technological advances of today, an ability to be creative and imaginative is critical, if you are to take advantage of the opportunities that are all around you.

Children possess a natural instinct to be creative, but this incredibly valuable ability is suppressed during adulting, as we seek to “conform” to a more “mature” state of being.

An ability to rethink and relearn what we have already learnt is key.

In 1968, George Land conducted a study to test the creativity of 1,600 children (three-to-five years old) who were enrolled in a Head Start program. This was based on the same creativity test he’d designed for NASA to help select innovative engineers and scientists.

He re-tested the same children at 10 years of age, and again at 15 years of age. These were the results.

Source: Idea to Value — Evidence that children become less creative over time (and how to fix it)

Land concluded, “it is not that children lose the ability to be creative, but that it is taught out of them”.

How To Get Creativity Back:

1 — Reject the fallacy that you are “either born with creativity or you are not”. All humans are born with creativity, you just haven’t practiced it in a while, so start by believing that you can.

All great things start with a belief that it can be done. A child falls over 100 times before it walks, and never once does it say to itself that it can’t.

2 —Follow Your Curiosities — James Webb Young defines ideas as merely the ability for one to be able to take on information and find relationships between many separate parts. Use a journal, planner or notes on your phone to capture the information you discover each day. You can’t see it now perhaps, but everything you’re witnessing, hearing and experiencing will lead towards an idea or an ‘Aha moment!’ — write it all down.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life
Steve Jobs

3 — Time & Space — The reason we’re conditioned to suppress our creativity is due to two types of thinking: divergent (imagination and new ideas) and convergent (judgements and criticising).

They are totally opposed to each other. George Land refers to one being an accelerator (divergent) and one being a brake (convergent).

Make time and find a safe place where you can free yourself of judgement and criticism to allow your mind to wander. Just like how a gym is used to build your fitness and muscles, you need to allocate time and energy to train the brain.

Reason 2 —To Learn New Things

As children, the human brain is very plastic and malleable to new information. Therefore, their ability to learn is greatly enhanced in relation to an adult brain.

As neuroscientist Takao Hensch from Harvard University observes, this is for evolutionary reasons. If the brain is constantly being rewired due to new experiences, it will fail at being the super-processing computer that it is.

Studies show that by our mid-20’s our brains begin to set like plaster but there are ways to recover neuroplasticity and maintain our ability to learn new things.

How To Get Brain Plasticity Back:

Senior Lecturer at MIT and neuroscientist, Tara Swart, recommends constantly stimulating your brain or setting yourself “energy intensive” challenges.

“[Look for challenges that require] conscious decision making, complex problem solving, memorising complex concepts, planning, strategising, self-reflection, exercising self-control and willpower.”

Swart goes on to highlight that repetition and practice are essential components for new neuropathways to be created, “Depending on the complexity of the activity, [experiments have required] 144 days or even three months for a new brain map, equal in complexity to an old one, to be created in the motor cortex.”

1 — Commit to an 8 month plan, not just 30 days.
Studies show that it takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit, but depending on the individual it can take anywhere from 18 to 245 days.
Define the why you’re doing something (not the what) and write down the benefits of the outcome clearly before starting — this will become your motivation.

2 — Start simple
Something important to you is definitely worth working on but make it practical and feasible. Allocate 30 minutes every day or every other day to work on it (set reminders!).

It’s taken you at least 25 years to get to this point, you won’t change in one week. Keep it simple and repeatable.

3 — Form a Trigger or Get an Accountability Buddy or Both!
Remember, repetition and practice are essential. Creating triggers will help remind you to make the time and energy towards the change you want. Put up a daily action list on your fridge, your wardrobe, your phone wallpaper. We are what we repeatedly do!

Research shows that you’re also 70% more likely to complete a goal when you write a weekly update to a friend or associate about how you’re progressing. Ask a friend, family member or a likeminded soul you’ve met on Twitter or Reddit to help out.

Reason 3 — To Discover New Gifts, Passions & Potential

Children have an incredible gift to be curious and follow their wonder of the world around whatever grabs their interest.

Adults conversely like to understand a logic or reasoning before allowing their mind to wander. Our desire to understand before we attempt, comes from a place of fear more than they come from a place of amazement.

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.
Socrates

How To Get Your Sense of Wonder Back:

1 — Surround yourself with the amazing things people have achieved and consider why.

Why did they start?
Why did they create the things they’ve created?
Why project their curiosity as a piece of art, a book, a study, a school of thought.

People have done some extraordinary things and we live in an extraordinarily diverse society — embrace it!

2 — Travel: Go To New Places
It’s a cliche, I know, but new sounds, smells, language, tastes, sensations, and sights spark different synapses in the brain.

Foreign experiences increase both cognitive flexibility and depth and integrativeness of thought, the ability to make deep connections between disparate forms.
Adam Galinsky, professor at Columbia Business School

Visit a place with a different culture, don’t just visit a different country.

3 — Follow your Interests & Speak With Likeminded People
Sounds simple, but there are so many people who will get up tomorrow and continue doing the same things they’ve done for the last 5 years, that are mundane and boring to them. You may even know someone exactly like this.

It is, unfortunately, a common occurrence but it can be beaten. First, use the minds of others to help nurture your understanding and shape what actually interests you about the topic.

The feeling of being interested can act as a kind of neurological signal, directing us to fruitful areas of inquiry.

Learn to embrace your inner child and you will be a much more satisfied adult.

Living a life full of wonder, appreciation for the small things, humor, kindness, resilience, and big dreams is exactly what your inner child would want you to do.

Being Calm

It is not easy to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure. Stress is a normal part of modern life, but if you’re often faced with stressful situations and feel panicked or overwhelmed trying to deal with them, you may benefit from learning some coping strategies that can help you to stay calm. Nowadays, simply tuning in to the daily news is likely to be stressful. Add on the stresses of daily life — such as handling work demands or adjusting to retirement, dealing with family issues, coping with illness, or caregiving — and you may begin to greet each day with apprehension and worry. In other words, you can become anxious.

Pressure can put the body into “fight or flight” mode – an evolutionary tactic that releases hormones designed to get you ready to either fight or run from danger. In modern times, stress triggers these hormones but they’re not so helpful when the “danger” comes from giving a presentation at work rather than being faced with a wild animal. If you frequently find yourself feeling anxious, or panicked, your fight or flight mode is probably being triggered too easily and it’s helpful to learn how to calm yourself down when you’re entering this state.

Under Stress, We Regress

Many psychologists believe that we regress, or return to, behaviors we used in childhood when faced with an emotional threat. As a child, I would run away and hide in my room or just sit sullenly if things weren’t going my way. Today, my stress reaction is to “shut down” and to shut people out. And of course, if you were a child who threw tantrums—or objects—when things didn’t go your way, you may be a “screamer” under stress at work.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs…
Rudyard Kipling

So how do successful people do it? How do they remain calm under pressure? How do they overcome the normal and natural reaction to regress, when under stress?

#1 They Take Care of Their Bodies
I remember a Snickers commercials that claims “you aren’t you when you’re hungry”. Our environment is the biggest variable when it comes to behavior, and our body is the immediate environment of our minds.

Successful people are intentional about when and what they eat. Your new mantra: Food is fuel! There is probably nothing more controversial in the health and fitness world than what and when to eat. High protein diets, vegan diets, intermittent fasting, so many options!

Successful people are also intentional about their sleep. In his book, 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, Kevin Kruse interviewed 13 Olympic athletes and their number one secret was to get more sleep. Eight hours of sleep isn’t realistic for most of us, but instead of focusing on the quantity of sleep, you should focus on the quality of sleep (ie, maximizing time in deep sleep).

#2 They Exercise
Numerous studies have shown that exercise reduces stress, anxiety and even depression. This is because exercise increases the amount of feel-good hormones like serotonin, and reduces cortisol which is the primary stress hormone. If you like to exercise as much as I do, you are probably groaning at this recommendation. Thankfully, you don’t need to become an overnight gym rat to control your stress. You just need to move in a way that gets your heartbeat way up for twenty minutes a day. A fast walk around the neighborhood, a yoga session, or after work a basketball game would all be great. I felt the difference when I started making it a point to go for my morning walk/jog regularly.

#3 They Train Their Minds
Many of the most emotionally grounded people have strengthened their minds through meditation. If you’re unfamiliar with meditation, it is not about just sitting quietly or trying to channel some mystical energy of the universe. If you understand how lifting weights can make your muscles grow, meditation is the same thing—it literally grows your brain. One Harvard study showed that after eight weeks of meditation there was growth in the hippocampus (the area of the brain that regulates emotion) and a reduction in the brain cell volume in the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for anxiety and stress. The great news is that, unlike a physical workout at the gym, doing a meditation mental workout only takes a few minutes, can be done anywhere, and doesn’t require a change of clothes.

#4 They Are Grounded in Gratitude
Highly successful people have an attitude of gratitude. Negative emotion is easily washed away by positive feelings of gratitude. No matter how bad our situation is, if we pause, it’s usually very easy to see how much better off we are than others. Similar to meditation, having a solid gratitude practice literally changes our brains. Research done at the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center at UCLA shows that gratitude practices impact the brain at the neurochemical level, and acts as a catalyst for neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and nor-epinephrine–all of which have a major impact anxiety and stress response.

One way to adopt a gratitude practice is to simply spend five minutes a day writing in a “gratitude journal”. Personally, as part of my morning ritual, I think of three things that I can feel grateful for. It only takes a minute, I can do it while still in bed or in the shower or even driving to work. The key is you have to pick things that you can actually feel grateful for.

#5 They Reframe With a Growth Mindset
When we feel overwhelmed with too much to do, or angry at someone’s incompetence, or frustrated because our flight was canceled, or disappointed when we failed to close the deal, it is very easy to think: why is this happening to me?

Highly successful people reframe negative experiences into growth experiences. Instead of, “Why is this happening to me” they think “Why is this happening for me?”

#6 Surround yourself with positive people
You probably have a few people in your life who can make you feel stressed just by being around them. While it’s not always possible to cut these people out of your life entirely, when you’re under pressure try to spend more time with friends and family who are helpful, positive, and will lift you up rather than drag you down

Here is a lovely poem by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Finding Our True Direction

I am sure you have tried walking around your home in the dark. With arms stretched out, we feel our way around, stumbling into walls, cupboards, feeling for what is familiar to find our way. It is surely had to see where we are going without light. It’s painful to run into things we didn’t know were there, it can be uncomfortable to not know where our next step may lead. It’s easy to lose our way when our eyes can’t see.

The same is true about the dark seasons of our life. Those times when we feel like we are aimlessly wandering around in the dark, and the divine presence of light feels far out of reach. As we wander, we wonder, where is He? Why isn’t He showing up for me here? Why did He allow this to happen? What now?

The reality of our humanity is that none of us are exempt from the pain and brokenness of this place. We all walk through tragedies and trials, seasons of life where God seems more like a distant elusive entity, rather than a close loving Friend.

Maybe like me, you planned out your life, but it didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to.

Maybe the dream you had in mind has not yet become a reality.

Maybe there was a relapse instead of remission.

Maybe there was divorce instead of reconciliation.

Maybe you were healthy but then illness came out of nowhere are you are waiting for healing.

Maybe you want to start a family, and though you’ve been trying for years, your arms are still empty.

Maybe you deeply desire to be married, and though you’ve gone on date after date, you are still single.

Maybe you were enjoying a stable, smooth life, but now you’re sitting in a season of depression that is dark, ugly, terrifying, and debilitating.

I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
Hafiz of Shiraz

Truth is, sometimes the lights go out in life and we feel left alone in the dark with our pain. So how do we find our way back to the light? How do we take the next step forward when we our eyes can’t see? How do we live with the pain?

When something unthinkable happens, the question isn’t Why? The question is Who?

Who are you? That’s the only thing you can really know. Let what is inexplicable be inexplicable. You can’t change what has happened and you can’t control other people. But you can choose to let adversity teach you something about yourself.

If you lose everything, you are still you.

Nothing that happens, no matter how bad, can erase who you are. You are always you, no matter what happens. Experiences may change you, but deep inside there is always that shining seed of self, the blueprint of who you truly are, guaranteeing the possibility of renewal.

Loss allows space for something else to take root in you. You can let it be wisdom, not bitterness.

When everything else has been taken away, you have a choice to mend the pieces that are left or to stay in the shadowlands. When you move in the direction of wholeness, the power of your intention can ignite your own personal revolution.

An open mind and an open heart can turn the key.

It is hard work to generate gratitude and serenity when you are suffering. Luckily, just wanting to be that kind of person can be enough. With your intentions set in the right direction, peace and contentment will find you.

In persevering through my own darkness, I found a self—call it my authentic self, my immortal soul, core being, my heart center and sanctuary—who can survive whatever life throws at me.

My experience has taught me that the human capacity to endure—and to do it with grace, courage, and joy—does not really depend on anything outside of ourselves. Even when life seems impossible, the brilliant light inside yourself is enough to see your way through your own darkest nights.

Baby Bird Syndrome

Have you spent a lot of time trying to help people who very clearly aren’t ready to accept help? This is called the “baby bird syndrome” where you pick the wounded animal off the ground and try to slowly nurse it back to health. But what if all that baby bird does is resist your help? For someone who loves a good “fix-it” job, it’s important to know that trying to help someone who doesn’t want or isn’t ready to be helped is a noble effort, but ultimately it’s like asking to be punched in the face.

How can you stand by, though, when someone you love is self-destructing? How can you not at least try to make them see that they’re hurting themselves?

The missing piece is that the other person has to want help. You can’t force them to believe anything is wrong — wrong enough to warrant some major changes in their life. 1) Change is scary and 2) Admitting you have huge innate flaws is scary. People like to think they have a handle on themselves until they really, really don’t. And even then sometimes, they will fight you, kicking and screaming, and still not realize they are in trouble. They’re so used to being on a boat with a hole in the bottom, retaining water, that they don’t even believe in boats without that.

The person you are trying to help wants to believe they can live a normal life, just like they assume everyone else is. They want to believe they don’t have to sacrifice, that they don’t have special circumstances, and they don’t have tendencies other people don’t. If their problem is drinking or drugs or relationships, they wonder: why when everyone else does these things does it not end up in disaster? Why is it when I do them, there are always major consequences or problems?

You want to help them. You want to be there for them and see what you can do to make their problems go away. Maybe at first you do help them, gently making suggestions, then more adamantly pushing them to admit they have a problem. But then they harden. They turn stubborn and think you’re trying to sabotage them or that you’re overreacting or that you don’t care about them, when all you’re doing is caring.

You can not help someone who doesn’t want help. I know it’s frustrating. It’s like a terrifying Ferris wheel, where they keep going ’round and ’round, making the same mistakes over and over while you stand on the ground and watch, sucking in breath through your teeth and holding your tongue.

If your offers of advice and support are being rejected, you may feel like you’re powerless to do anything. But you can still be there for your friend; you might just need to take a different approach to the way you’re supporting them.

Be available
Continue to be supportive. Listen to your friend when they need to talk.

Offer help
Give suggestions, if and when your friend reaches out to you and asks for your advice.

Become informed
Do a bit of research into what help is available in your area that could be useful for your friend. That way, if they decide they’re ready to seek help, you’ll be able to give them some direction about who to go and see.

Talk to someone yourself
You need to look after yourself, too. It can be really frustrating, and make you feel helpless, if a friend won’t let you help them. Talk through how you’re feeling with someone you trust.

Set boundaries
You’re not going to be able to be there for someone at every moment of every day. Set some limits on things you’re willing and not willing to do – and stick to them!

Don’t force the issue or put pressure on them
If you try to pressure or force a friend to get help, it may come from a good place, but it can actually have the opposite effect to what you intend and could turn your friend off seeking help altogether.

Don’t avoid them
If you avoid your friend, it’s likely to make them feel isolated. It may also mean that if and when they’re ready to seek help, they might not feel comfortable about coming to you for support.

Let people grow on their own level. Don’t try to pull them up just because you can. Your intention may be helping but in reality you may land up doing more harm than good.

It’s their experience, their journey and their challenges to overcome. Leave them be unless they come to you for help.

After all, maybe the ones who don’t get it, aren’t supposed to.

Make Time for Things You Love

Two of the all-time biggest reasons or excuses people use when it comes to not living a life of passion and fulfilment are:

Time and money.

We’ve heard this over and over again. Make time for the things that make you happy and for people you love. Time flies and you don’t want to look back one day with a regret. I sometimes wonder why we get voluntarily overwhelmed by the things that don’t even matter.

Urgent is not important

People often think that everything urgent must be important. But it’s not. You don’t need to be everywhere. You don’t need to solve every problem someone involved you in or fight the battle you don’t even care about.

Have you ever said or thought phrases like these

If I just had more time in the day then I’d make it work, but my life is so jam-packed!

I just ran out of time to get it done.

I don’t have time right now.

What “I Don’t Have Time” Really Means

We all have the same amount of time in a day. It is one of the few things that actually puts us all on an equal playing field! So why is it that there are some people who seem to be able to achieve more?

Well the answer is actually quite simple: whenever any of us say “I don’t have time,” what we really mean is:

“It’s just not a priority for me right now.”

Becoming aware of this statement will become a massive wake-up call—just like it was for me. Because all of a sudden you will interrupt your normal way of being, thinking and doing—which for many of us means being caught up in constant excuses.

Changing your language is one of the fastest ways to change your life. So try out some of these replacement phrases and see how it feels to get real:

I don’t have time to work on my passion = My passion isn’t a priority right now

I don’t have time to exercise = My health isn’t a priority right now

I don’t have time to meditate = My mind balance isn’t a priority right now

Now, of course, it might actually be that these things (for example, passion, health, meditation, etc.) are important to you, but you just actually aren’t making them a priority, because you’ve been entertaining an old and familiar conversation in your head. You have been giving the “I don’t have time” thoughts all the attention and power.

When you start to change the conversation in your head, you’ll be taking the first step towards living in alignment with your highest priorities.

For example:

I don’t have time to work on my passion—becomes—My passion is a priority and I will do 5 minutes tonight toward it.

I don’t have time to exercise—becomes—My health is a priority and I will do 5 squats right now.

I don’t have time to meditate—becomes—My mind balance is a priority and I will take 3 deep, mindful breaths to prove it

How to Magically Make More Time for Yourself

1. Start (Super) Small

With any habit change, it’s really important to start as small as you can. Getting into that first phase of momentum can be challenging as you’re used to doing things the “old” way. It can be somewhat comfortable. Because although our tendency is to shoot high and go all out from the outset, it’s often not sustainable, and can be seriously deflating when you don’t meet your goal.

2. Get Clear on What You Actually Want

Before you can move from where you don’t want to be (and work out how to create more time to get there), you have to know where you actually want to go (or at the minimum identify some place different than where you are now). Take some time to figure this out. What is your passion?

And although we are almost 4 months into the year, you can still create some 2022 goals and action items before the year’s out.

3. Ask Yourself “What Am I Actually Scared of?”

Time is an excuse. Usually people use it because they are scared of something else.

Is it failure, success, being unsure of yourself, not believing you are worthy?

Get super curious about what the time excuse is a cover for—and you will not only magically make more time for yourself, but you’ll also create more power for yourself.

4. Use the “In Between” Time

We have so much “in between” time in our days. Waiting in line, waiting on hold on the phone, waiting for the kids to come out of school, or for your boss to show up at the meeting. Start using these micro times to work on your passion projects. You’d be surprised how much five minutes of consistent daily action gets you.

5. Stocktake the “Wasted” Hours of Your Day

So many of us fill our days with unnecessary tasks that actually progress us nowhere. Is it TV, gossiping, scrolling the social networks, lunch breaks at work, etc.?

Whatever it is for you, take stock of it, and either cut it out or make better use of it. Remember, is this really a priority for you?

6. Start Saying NO

You need to have boundaries in your life. If you cannot say NO, other people’s priorities will sneak into your day and become your priorities.

Do you offer to help others out because you feel obligated instead of honoring your own priorities? Do you find yourself doing “busy” work that can wait (cleaning the house endlessly, doing chores) because they give you a feeling of getting somewhere?

I think a good question to ask is: What is this at a cost to? Because by saying yes to something, you are by default saying no to something else you might rather (and perhaps should rather) do. And saying no to something means you are able to say yes to something really important.

7. Delegate

Release your need for control. Most people have this insane need to control everything in their lives. Don’t worry, most of us have suffered from this once upon a time, too! But you can find people around you that actually love the things that you despise. What a great match that is!

Just make sure that when you are delegating to that person, they actually want or enjoy the thing you are asking. If it is in a home setting, perhaps you need to have an open and frank conversation with the other people you live with.

For many of us who claim to have no time, it’s simply poor management of that time. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking “If I don’t do x-y-z, then nobody will do it!” Let go of some tasks that are mundane or drain you and ask for help!

Time Is Your Most Precious Resource

You can always get more stuff—more money—but no matter how much you accumulate, you cannot write a check at the end of your life and purchase more time! Time is constantly ticking. There is no reverse switch, and the decisions you make about how to spend your time will largely determine the quality of your life.

So are you ready to stop fooling yourself that you don’t have time to do what matters to you? Are you ready to live a life that you love and to take the small steps towards making it happen? Are you ready to start treating time as the precious and finite resource it is?

Turning your back on the crowd…to Lead

When I first saw this quote on one of my friend’s Whatsapp story, I was filled with awe. I see so many people in leadership who spend a lot of time wanting to be “in the crowd” instead of leading the crowd. No doubt it is hard to turn our backs to the cheering crowd — it seems so fun to be in the middle of it all, but a woman or man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn her/his back on the crowd.

Why? Because leadership is strengthened when a few willing and wise members who are under the guidance of a great leader will learn, watch and grow and then produce other great leaders.

When you become a leader, success is all about growing others
Jack Welch

If you check on Wikipedia you will see that a “smaller-sized orchestra of about fifty musicians or fewer is called a chamber orchestra. A full-size orchestra has between 70–100 musicians and they are sometimes called a symphony orchestra or philharmonic orchestra. Orchestras are usually led by a conductor who directs the performance by way of visible gestures. The conductor unifies the orchestra, sets the tempo and shapes the sound.”

Of course we all want to be liked, but liking someone is a feeling that can just as easily disappear when the next shiny object takes its place, and, if that is the case, that’s not leadership but following the crowd, and when the crowd goes in the wrong direction, by sheer force, the one who wanted to lead will be swept away into the middle of the crowd and lose their standing. Unfortunately we see it all the time.

When you believe you have the heart, ability and strength of leadership, then put a stake in the ground and move in the right direction for the good of your team instead of waiting to test the winds of change for your next step. Leadership moves forward; even a slow step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction.

All of us have our own spheres of influence. Do others trust you enough to follow your leadership, do they trust you enough to turn from the crowd and leave what they have known to follow you? Have you, as the orchestra conductor, spent time in developing leaders who will, after you’re gone, be able to command the respect and loyalty of others that they are currently showing to you? Or are you like most others, wasting valuable time by chasing the crowd and spending your time running to the front of the parade?

The conductor must remain focused on the musicians, he/she cannot pay attention to the crowd or anything else for that matter. The applause of the crowd is a by-product and not the main goal!

What I find interesting about the relatively small number of musicians in an orchestra is how a few people on a stage under the direction of a great conductor can bring thousands to their feet in applause and appreciation.

Just think what you could do if you focused on the orchestra of your team or your friends. By your life, your personal leadership standards, and I’ll add, your principles, you can unify, set and shape the outcome for a positive ending. But that will only happen when you turn your back on the crowd and lead.

7 Ways to Avoid Gossiping and Be Happy

Gossiping comes naturally to ALL of us. We see a lot of it in the media around famous personalities. But we gossip even in our day-to-day lives, very regularly. You may be a victim of it or you may participate in it. You may tell a friend or a co-worker something in confidence (you think). Before the day is over, almost everyone knows about it. It can be extremely painful to find out your friends and colleagues are talking about you behind your back. But worse, it can severely damage your reputation and even your career.

Gossip doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Perhaps you gossip to entertain yourself or to lighten the atmosphere. Maybe you’re surrounded by people who see it as a way to bond with you. But gossip turns into a toxic activity when it is done to harm another person intentionally. It affects you in many ways, may even make you anxious and miserable.

If you’re looking for ways to manage this, here are a few points for you to follow:

Ask yourself if there’s any point in the gossip.

Human beings are social creatures, and communication is a vital part of society. So whenever someone starts gossiping about a person with you, ask yourself:

“Does it need to be said?” “Am I gaining something from it?” “Is it true? Do I know the other person’s side of the story?”

If you find yourself saying “no” or “nothing” in your head, you need to stop yourself from becoming an accessory to such toxicity. Imparting information is one thing, but if someone gossips to stroke their ego, it isn’t worth it for you in the long run.

Either listen passively to the gossip, switch the topic or make an excuse and walk away from that situation — virtually and literally. Save yourself from the negativity.

Defend the person (or subject) if possible.

You must understand that the person who’s gossiping with you might not come from a place of truth. You could, therefore, defend the gossip with a detail you know about the person being talked about. Remind the gossipmonger that they’re not aware of the complete picture.

There are two ways in which the conversation will flow: First, they will stop the discussion immediately. Or, they will tell you another gossip on top of it, mostly a personal attack on the person. If this happens, use phrases like: “I don’t know.” “Seriously?” “Is it?”

People who gossip love to be correct all the time. Engage them with words but not emotionally. You’ll be off the hook when they feel they have won despite your defense about the person.

Pick your words wisely during gossip.

When you’re talking ill about a person (and enjoying it), you could use incredibly vicious words. Don’t pass remarks unnecessarily on someone’s character, hygiene, or how they dress and talk simply because you’re gossiping about the person.

Before you start such a conversation, rethink the words you plan to use. Is it possible for you to use a softer substitute for the word? Using lighter words during the conversation can reduce the intensity of the gossip or even cut it short.

Pause for a moment and think about the person.

Whenever there’s an opportunity to gossip, I always think about the person. Why am I talking about them? What do I not like about them?

If you find yourself talking about how, for instance, someone is heavily reliant on his/her family, emotionally stunted, and cowardly, stop and try to identify the problem here. Is this how you feel about the cousin? Do you feel jealous of the attention given to her? Does her family want to be helpful wholeheartedly? Whatever the answers, accept the truth, and move on. If someone’s causing you to worry, it’s best not to fuel your thoughts about them at all!

Cut off negative people from your life.

If you find the gossipmonger constantly challenging your world negatively, remove the person from your life. Break the chain of toxicity. Block them from social media, delete their phone number, and cut all ties — no matter how brutal that seems.

Suppose it’s a family member or an office colleague who gossips incessantly and you can’t break ties with them permanently. In that case, you might have to set a time limit or always have an excuse to leave the conversation.

The best way to stop gossiping is by removing gossipmongers from your life, then there would be no one to tempt or instigate you to spread negativity about a person.

Observe your tendency to gossip.

If you were to spend a day with people who love talking about others, you might begin to notice a slightly compulsive quality in your desire to gossip. When that happens, pretend the person you want to gossip about is standing next to you. Would you say anything offensive if they’re in front of you? In most cases, you wouldn’t. So why gossip behind their backs?