Happiness is a choice. Whether we want to believe it or not, we are responsible for how happy we are. There is a lot of power in realizing that we are in charge of our own happiness. No one else gets to call the shots. And while our friends and family can be a part of our “happiness team” they don’t get to decide how to play the game or what that game even looks like. The best cheering section is the one that will cheer you on no matter what.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
One theory in psychology research suggests that we all have a happiness “set-point” that largely determines our overall well-being. We oscillate around this set point, becoming happier when something positive happens or the opposite, afterwards returning to equilibrium.
But this set-point, to a certain extent, can be reset. Although our general mood levels and well-being are partially determined by factors like genetics and upbringing, roughly 40 percent of our happiness is within our control, according to some experts, and a large body of research in the field of positive psychology has shown that happiness is a choice that anyone can make.
The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.
William James
There isn’t one right way to be happy. There isn’t a specific formula that everyone must follow to find true happiness. There isn’t a secret recipe on the back of the Lucky Charms box. In fact, what works for one person may not work for another because finding our happy is deeply personal. But it is possible and is entirely up to each of us.
Here is a lovely poem by Vanessa Hughes
Choose Happy
Choose to be happy Take that option today Find delight In a contented way
We opt for ‘If only’ We had this or that Our lives would be better Instead of being flat
‘If things were different’ I’d be so content But if things were different About other things we’d vent
So be mindful of what You think you need Happiness doesn’t come From material feed
Nor does it come from People or praise It comes from within And with you, it stays
Choose to be happy It’s by far the best way Then watch how your life Improves every day
Today is the feast of St. Francis Xavier, a Jesuit, one of St. Ignatius Loyola’s closest friends and an original founding companion of the Society of Jesus, is most honored by the Catholic Church, other Christian churches, and the Jesuit order for his missionary accomplishments particularly in India, Southeast Asia and Japan.
His missionary travels took him to many places around the world. In fact, Xavier was the only original companion to leave Europe. He traveled from Rome to Lisbon, Portugal and then to India. Along the way, he assisted in many previously established missions; including those in Mozambique and Melindi (Kenya) Africa, Socotra (an island off the coast of Somalia), and Goa and other communities in the southern coastal areas.
In 1549, Xavier began the first Christian mission in Japan where he served in the country for over two years. In 1552, he set sail to begin the first Christian mission in China. When he arrived, however, he was not allowed to disembark on the Mainland. For three months, he waited on an island off of Canton while trying to gain entry into the country. He died on the island of an acute illness at the age of forty-six. Xavier was canonized by Gregory XV on March 12, 1622, at the same time as Ignatius Loyola.
St. Xavier ranks among the greatest missionaries in Christian history. Historians place the number of baptisms at roughly 30,000 people; lore cites numbers up to 100,000. Today, such missionary accomplishments may be challenging to appreciate in light of present day plurality, cultural relativism, and global engagement, yet a great deal can be learned from Xavier in the way he conducted his life and work with meaning and purpose. Three qualities of Xavier are highlighted which are noteworthy in today’s modern world.
ENTHUSIASM Xavier was known to have conducted his life’s work with great vitality and zeal. For instance, when Loyola asked Xavier to join an expedition to the Far East he was “overjoyed”. Even descriptions of how he moved capture his gusto – “he walked with a joyful, calm face” and “everywhere he went he went with laughter in his mouth”.
PASSION-DRIVEN ACHIEVEMENT Xavier set high standards for himself and had ambitious plans for the future. He was a man of quick perception and sound judgment. And while he was fervent, he was known to be so without losing a realistic grasp of the facts. Yet, his goals were not to be “the best” or “first”, but rather to make an impact. He was driven by a passion, and an internal energy. He passionately pursued extra-ordinary yet realistic challenges. What motivated Xavier to set high standards was his drive to help others in a way that he believed was beneficial to all persons on earth. Xavier conducted his work in the spirit of magis; a Latin term meaning “more” and used by Loyola to underscore good character in service to others.
OPENNESS TO THE INFLUENCE OF OTHERS The third quality is associated with Xavier’s personality, including how he related to others as well as himself. It goes beyond enthusiasm and passion. Xavier was known to be a charismatic man. He had a “dashing and robust personality” and has been described as “astounding”, “decisive”, “cheerful”, “vivacious”, “practical”, “prudent”, and a “keen, ambitious” boy in school.
Today, he would be described as a “people person”. He was successful because of his ability to mix easily with persons of various social-classes, races, and beliefs. Xavier understood people. He learned the languages and adopted the indigenous dress of the peoples he served. Xavier had a deep sense of cross-cultural understanding, and appreciated that God’s presence was already present in all cultures, peoples, places and things. His appreciation is noteworthy because it was not always true of his beliefs. It grew out of his experiences.
Here’s a song from ‘AMDG: A World is not enough’, hymn of St. Francis Xavier, by Cristobal Fones SJ. I had the opportunity to sing this song when I was at Xavier’s College, Mumbai on the feast day in 2009 with my dear friend Sydney, accompanied by the talented twins, Rex and Glen and directed by the very vivacious and versatile Virgil! :)
When the world shuts the sun in darkness When all dreams are swallowed Deep beneath the sea When no one is so caring to dare crossing the ocean That corners the poor and the broken Rise my light, my Jesus Set me soaring, flying Let me trust your promises, Let me do your will
Chorus: JESUS, FIRE IN MY HEART MY HEART, AFLAME IN LOVE FOR THE WORLD FEEL NO LIMITS, SEES NO BOUNDARIES ONLY GOD, MY HOPE FEEL NO LIMITS, SEES NO BOUNDARIES ONLY GOD, MY HOPE
Even if I gained the whole world It’s nothing to me if it takes me not to you May no tides pull me under, no dark swell engulf me In lifting my gaze to your star There in the eyes of the hungry, I see you looking back to me And your love fills up my soul, now my soul sets sail
Jesus, you give joy to your people Jesus, you free them, giving pardon and your peace It’s such love that impels me, embracing a people That longs for your kingdom to come All is yours, you’ve given me. None is mine, but all is grace In your hands, take all of it You’re my land, my sea
What have you done today that your future self will thank you for? This is a question I often pose to myself. Sometimes I can answer with a number of positive, future supporting tasks that I have ticked off my ‘to do’ list for that day. Clearly these things will have both long and short term benefits. However, like everyone of us, I have days where it’s a struggle to find the positive future-life-enhancing tasks to tick off.
Of course, the point of looking forward is to appreciate that it is actually ourselves that we are setting up for a better or worse day, week, month or year. This can be a powerful motivator for not just getting things done, but for focusing on and getting the important things done.
As we know, it’s all too easy to put tasks off for another day, but, when those tasks are the things that will help create a stronger, fitter, wealthier and happier future for ourselves, then it’s high time that we got to it!
I think all of us are looking at the future with yesterday’s eyes.
Dan Burrus
It’s important to recognise that motivation is fickle! Consequently, it’s essential to your future self that you do as much as you possibly can to maintain the excitement (motivation) you feel for your goal. Don’t allow systematic stumbling blocks, ie, those that you can control, to derail your forward momentum.
Working regularly and consistently to create the future you want, rather than the default future which will turn up if you continue on the well-worn path of least resistance, should be a primary life aim. Spending time working out what you actually want, putting a loose plan together, and obtaining or setting aside the resources will get you excited and as a result you will feel motivated.
To keep your excitement (motivation) high, revisit your plan regularly so you always know what your next action will be. By doing this you will improve and enrich your future life and your future self will be a happy bunny!
Here is a lovely poem by Terrie Brushette
Never Stop Being You
Never stop caring about the little things in life. Never stop dreaming, and don’t give into strife. Never stop wondering are we on our own. Never stop thinking has your spirituality grown.
Never stop building bridges that lead to better tomorrows. Never stop trying, and don’t give into sorrow. Never stop feeling amazed at the beauty that surrounds you. Never stop hearing the music, and don’t give into the blues.
Never stop pushing away negative thoughts that make you feel sad. Never stop looking at all the miracles we have had. Never stop loving the ones you hold dear. Never stop giving, and don’t give into the fear.
Never stop smiling, but look forward to each new day. Never stop shining in your own special way. Never forget that all storms will clear. Remember brighter tomorrows are always near.
Bad stuff happens. If you’re human, you have experienced more hardships than you can count. Whether you lost your job or a relative, sometimes the anguish seems like it’s too much to bear. It’s often easy to wish that bad things would never happen to us. Why can’t we be like those other people who seem to have everything going for them? Nothing bad ever happens to them.
Of course, this is a fallacy. Bad things happen to all people. Everyone who is born must die. Every one of us is confronted with constant challenges which test our will. We can’t escape suffering. It’s an integral part of the human experience.
If we can’t hide from suffering, then we must embrace it. Here’s how:
Gain perspective from suffering
Find meaning in suffering through sacrifice
Use suffering as a catalyst for change
To think of it, without suffering, could we truly understand joy? Our experiences are always relative. Two people making $60,000 in the United States could feel completely different about their situation. Marcus was unemployed for five months and finally got a steady job after constantly searching. Stephanie has been working at the same job for 20 years and has received modest yearly raises. Who do you think is more grateful for their current position?
Without suffering, it’s easy to take everything for granted. Our default isn’t gratitude. Why should we be grateful for the way things are? If everything has always gone perfectly for you, you don’t consider how lucky you really are.
When you suffer, you gain perspective. When you break your arm, you suddenly become grateful for its use when you recover. When you lose your job, you are that much happier once you are employed again. When you lose a loved one, you suddenly realize how lucky you are to have everyone else in your life.
Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who was imprisoned in concentration camps during World War 2, explained that humans can find meaning in life through suffering. It can create purpose in life. Nobody wants to suffer, but we can’t control our circumstances. We can only choose how to react.
Suffering can act as a catalyst for action. Entrepreneurs frequently come up with their best ideas after they lose their jobs and their backs are against the wall. The necessity to innovate can result in magnificent new solutions. In Antifragile, Nassim Taleb explains that we become stronger in response to external stressors. Just like muscles, our personalities become stronger after they have been broken.
We should be grateful for suffering! Without it, we might stay within our comfort zones our entire lives, always putting off our dreams for tomorrow. Suffering can be just the thing we need to push us over the edge to make the change we desire.
Nobody wants to suffer, but suffering is part of being human. When confronted with difficult situations, we have a choice: we can despair or we can overcome. We must use our negative experiences as tools to grow. Whether you have broken a relationship, your leg, or a contract with an employer, there is always something you can learn. Embrace the suffering and be grateful for what you have. Being human is a wild experience with countless ups and downs — this is what makes life beautiful. Suffering can be an advantage — use it to grow.
We all have something stored in our memories of the past that we wish we could have done differently, or something we wish we didn’t do.
As we get older we learn and grow, but that doesn’t mean we have to regret what we did before we learned how to do things differently. If we didn’t go through those experiences, we might not have grown into the strong and knowledgeable people we are today.
During my days as a Jesuit, one of the experiences we had was assisting in a rural hospital for a month. During this experience at Shevgaon, I learned a lot about regret. It was shocking how many of the patients got to the end of their lives wishing they had lived differently. Many had unresolved relationship issues, unfulfilled dreams, and long-held resentments. Through our many conversations, we tried to help them come to terms with their regrets while they still had the chance. Some were able to find some resolution, but for others, it was too late, and they died still hanging on to regrets.
This impactful experience became a huge motivator for me to start living as if any day could be my last. We never know how long we will live, so we must make conscious choices each day to live fully and make the most out of each experience we have. Here are some ways to start living life with no regrets.
1. Let your loved ones know you love them. 2. Follow your dream. 3. Trust your gut instincts. 4. Keep your work at work. 5. Practice forgiveness. 6. Be yourself. 7. Practice kindness.
Our lives are meant to be lived fully and completely, without regret. We never know how long we have, so let’s start living a life free of regrets today and every day.
Life is a Journey…and with every day that passes, the journey gets faster. Days get shorter and good intentions grow and grow. It’s hard to find time to stop and think. There are always emails to answer, calls to make, trains to catch…But one day, your journey will end, and people will either remember you or they will forget you.
Be today who you would have people remember you for. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.
What are you responsible for and what will be your legacy? When taken seriously, our duties are sources of great potential. Yet so often we spread ourselves too thin, doing just enough to get by – that awful feeling of doing so many things and none of them particularly well.
We would do well to spend more time watching and less time with our eyes on the watch.
Are you present? Are you mindful, or are you forever multi tasking, mentally preparing for the next imminent appointment and already playing out the next conversation at the expense of this one?
Others may forget your hurried actions and many words, but what they will remember is how you make them feel. Focus on your passion for people. Seize the responsibility we all have to inspire and challenge those around us, to develop and learn alongside each other.
Being today who you would have people remember you for means less regrets at the end of the journey.
So think NOW about what is important to you.
It’s not easy to prioritise when everything is a priority. But it’s a good idea to look closely at the way you’re living your life. Too often it takes a crisis situation to make us stand back and take stock, to make us consider if our behaviours and actions are consistent with our values and beliefs. But why wait? Why not now? This is your opportunity to craft your character in the stories that will be told.
One of the main things I’ve realised over the last few years is that you don’t need to meditate on a mountain top or in the middle of nowhere at a secluded spot to find inner peace. Making time to relax is important but we need calm and composure in the midst of our fast-paced, frantic, crazy life…right at the moment you’re suppressing the urge to unleash a stream of four letter words!
The ocean’s tide brings the drama when it crashes against the shore, but venture a few meters down and you’ll find a tranquil world of creatures moving at their own pace, wholly unfazed by the action up above. The problem is most of us live sort of on the surface of the waves, where there’s a lot of turbulence and wildness. But again, this deep, calm, awareness is actually within each person.
You don’t need to shut out all the noise to find inner peace. There’s this assumption that if you’re in a quiet place, it will be more conducive to accessing this spot within. You could be on a crowded Mumbai local, surrounded by people and noise, and close your eyes to go into this space where your calmness resides.
The pursuit of inner peace is more important than the search for happiness or success.
Chris Shea
Here are 9 ways to experience inner peace and enjoy life on a deeper, more satisfying level:
1. Focus your attention on those things you can control 2. Spend time in nature 3. Mind What you Eat 4. Exercise on a regular basis 5. Be assertive 6. Avoid trying to change others
The last one is pretty key! You’ll have as much success trying to change the weather as you do trying to change other people. It’s hard enough to change yourself. How will you ever manage to change someone else?
It’s important to take care of yourself mentally and physically.
Eat properly, exercise, and be true to yourself. There’s no need to please other people. Be assertive and take control of your life. Avoid chasing after those things that society has determined to be important.
Here is a lovely poem by Vanessa Hughes on Inner Peace
Well below your ego There’s a place that doesn’t care What people say or think or do It’s very peaceful there
This place is deep inside you It’s way beneath your skin The stillness that surrounds you there Is you without the spin
It’s soul, unspoilt, it’s raw Untouched by human mind Affected not by boxes Or labels of any kind
When you can find your inner peace Anytime or place No matter what is happening You have your own calm space
When softly falls the dew at eventide, Then, tired, we lay ourselves away to rest; Confiding: in the One who knoweth best, We trust in him and nothing- else beside.
What if dark demons oft attack our soul, And friends forsake, and parents look with scorn? We’ll trust in God; he’ll keep from every harm. We’ll live for him while endless ages roll.
What if misfortune comes? It comes to all; Look ye on him who died upon a tree; Acquaint thyself with One who mourned for thee, And trust in him whate’er thy life befall.
Some day we’ll reach that land of peace and rest, Behold our loved ones who have gone before, Enjoy the beauties of that clime forevermore, Because we trusted him who knoweth best.
She sat at the back and they said she was shy. She led from the front and they hated her pride.
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance. They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence.
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad. So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad.
They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears, And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears, And she listened to all of it thinking she should, Be the girl they told her to be best as she could.
But one day she asked what was best for herself, Instead of trying to please everyone else, So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees, She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves. She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine, And she told them what she’d been told time after time.
She told them she felt she was never enough, She was either too little or far far too much, Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak, Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs, And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her. And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave. For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.
Poem by Becky Hemsley Gorgeous painting called “Love for the Earth” by Lisete Alcalde
The line between failure and success often comes down to something as simple as self-talk. Powerful and positive self-talk can change your entire mindset, which can affect your actions. That, in turn, can have a massive impact on how successful you are on any journey you take or any obstacle you face. What we tell ourselves, whether fact or fiction, reflects how we see ourselves in the world.
I remember reading a study where scientists studied anorexic women as they walked through their labs. I was astounded to read that these ladies turned their bodies sideways upon entering doorways, as if they were overweight and couldn’t fit through the door. Isn’t that just mind-boggling? This is because the way we view ourselves — and the nature of our self-talk — can shape the entire physiology of perspective.
Another interesting fact I read is that instead of using the word “I,” people who use their own name when referring to themselves have better feelings of self-confidence and acceptance. It may feel awkward, but it works. For example, instead of thinking, “I really nailed that presentation at work,” I think, “Kenrick really rocked that presentation…”. Referring to yourself in the third person can have some powerful effects, such as stress reduction and anxiety regulation, as well as put distance between you and the situation. It works better for some, may not work for everyone :)
Here are a few other ways to improve your self-talk
• Keep a gratitude journal. Write down at least four-five things you’re grateful for each day. This will help you recognize and feel the positive vibes already present in your life.
• Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison never leads anywhere good in your head; it only fills your mind with negative thoughts and self-doubt. Reaffirm how awesome you are, and that your awesomeness has nothing to do with anyone else.
• Use positive affirmations. Keep reminding yourself “I am good at…” or “I am special and unique because…” or “I am proud of myself for…” You can also queue up positive videos and watch or listen each morning or evening.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Not sure if you have heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” As humans, we take on the perspectives and outlook of others, so it’s important to be with people who have an upbeat mindset and practice positive self-talk. Being with positive people will bring out the best in you and they’ll also give you great, constructive feedback.
• Exercise. Exercising increases a sense of well-being and creates a better base of self-confidence. Have you ever noticed how, after working out, your mood changes for the better and you feel great the rest of the day? That’s the work of all those awesome endorphins.
• Volunteer and help others. Helping others can help you see how much you matter and how greatly you can positively impact others. Volunteering also has the additional benefit of staving off any of your own feelings of sadness and depression. It’s hard to feel sad when you’re helping others feel good.
• Visualize successful things in your life. Visualize what you want to achieve and how you’re going to achieve it. Imagine reaching your goals and how you’ll feel when you finally get there. Visualization tactics change the wiring in your brain, as your brain doesn’t know when something you visualize is real vs. when it’s imagined. In other words, if you imagine success, your body will believe it!
Kenrick Vaz 