The #1 secret every manager needs:
The Skill / Will Matrix 👇
———
Danny Meyer is the legendary New York restauranteur behind Shake Shack, Union Square Cafe, Gramercy Tavern, and more.
On the Tim Ferriss Show, he talked about this simple
(but brutally-effective) 2×2 matrix.
It’s the best framework for people managers to
decide which team members need most of their time.
He ranks team members on two things:
– Skill (ability)
– Will (motivation)
———
So, where on the chart does he spend the most energy as a leader?
Many people would say the bottom half
↳ people who need motivation or need to move on.
Danny disagrees.
He spends the MOST time with the top half
↳ the high performers and those who are new to the team.
Why? Because they are the key to long-term success.
It’s MUCH easier to teach a skill than to teach motivation.
———
And he doesn’t keep this a secret.
Danny draws the matrix on the mirror of his employees’ locker room.
He’s 100% transparent in how he manages his team.
So every time they get ready for work, they can decide
where they are now (and where they want to be). 🙌
Stop Chasing Butterflies
There’s something quietly exhausting about chasing things that don’t want to be caught.
Attention. Validation. Success. Even people.
The harder you run, the more they seem to slip away—just out of reach, just beyond your effort. And somewhere along the way, you start believing that maybe you’re just not fast enough, not good enough, not something enough.
But maybe the problem isn’t you.
Maybe it’s the chasing.
Think about butterflies for a second. You can sprint through a field, arms flailing, trying to catch one—and you’ll only scare them off. But plant a garden? Water it. Take care of it. Let it grow into something alive and beautiful?
The butterflies show up on their own.
No force. No desperation. No performance.
Just attraction.
That’s how most things in life actually work, even though we’re rarely taught that.
We’re taught to hustle for approval. To push harder for recognition. To prove ourselves constantly—at work, in relationships, on social media, in rooms where we feel like we need to earn our place. And while effort matters, there’s a fine line between building something meaningful and chasing something external.
Because chasing comes from a place of lack.
It whispers, “I need this to feel complete.”
Attracting comes from a place of growth.
It says, “I’m becoming someone who naturally draws the right things in.”
That shift changes everything.
When you focus on building your “garden,” you’re investing in things that are fully within your control. Your skills. Your mindset. Your energy. The way you treat people. The standards you hold for your own life.
You become someone who doesn’t need to beg for attention—because your presence carries weight. You don’t need to convince people to stay—because the right ones want to. You don’t need to chase every opportunity—because some of them start finding you.
And no, this isn’t some passive “just wait and things will happen” mindset. That’s not how this works.
A garden doesn’t grow by accident.
It takes intention. Consistency. Patience.
You plant seeds when nothing is visible. You water them when there’s no immediate reward. You trust the process when it feels slow. And most importantly, you don’t dig up the soil every day to check if something’s happening.
That’s where most people go wrong.
They start something—working on themselves, building something meaningful—and then quit too early because they don’t see butterflies yet. So they go back to chasing. Quick wins. Instant validation. Short-term attention.
And the cycle repeats.
But if you stay with it—if you keep building, improving, growing—you eventually reach a point where things start to shift.
People notice.
Opportunities appear.
Conversations feel different.
Not because you chased them, but because you became someone worth noticing.
And here’s the part that often gets overlooked: when you build your garden, you also become more selective about which butterflies you actually want.
Not every opportunity is right for you.
Not every person deserves access to your time and energy.
Not every form of attention is worth having.
When you stop chasing, you gain clarity. You’re no longer reacting out of scarcity—you’re choosing from a place of abundance.
So instead of asking, “How do I get that?” the question becomes, “Am I becoming someone who naturally aligns with that?”
That’s a very different game.
It’s slower. It’s quieter. But it’s also a lot more powerful—and a lot more sustainable.
Because at the end of the day, chasing will always keep you running.
But building?
Building gives you a place where things come to you.
And maybe that’s the real goal—not to catch every butterfly, but to create a life where they feel at home landing around you.
RACI DACI
75% of cross-functional teams are broken.
Want to fix that?
It starts with clarity:
Clear roles and processes are essential for smooth collaboration.
Two powerful frameworks can help simplify decision-making and project management:
DACI and RACI.
DACI is designed to clarify decision-making by assigning specific roles:
1. Driver
Leads the decision-making process.
2. Approver
Holds final accountability for the decision.
3. Contributors
Experts who provide input.
4. Informed
People who need to stay updated on decisions.
RACI defines who’s responsible for what during project execution:
1. Responsible
Those who do the work.
2. Accountable
The person ultimately answerable for completion.
3. Consulted
Those who give advice and feedback.
4. Informed
Stakeholders kept in the loop on progress.
What’s the difference?
DACI clarifies decision authority.
RACI defines project roles and communication flows.
Both boost transparency and eliminate confusion.
Pick the one that fits your team’s structure and project needs best.
P.S. Which framework has improved your team’s collaboration?
You Don’t Get Your Old Self Back — And That’s the Point
We carry this quiet expectation about healing.
That one day, after enough time has passed, after enough tears or therapy or late-night thinking, we’ll somehow find our way back to who we used to be. The version of us before things got messy. Before the heartbreak. Before the disappointment. Before life proved it could hurt in ways we didn’t see coming.
We imagine healing like a rewind button.
Like we’ll wake up one morning and feel familiar again. Lighter. Simpler. Untouched.
But healing doesn’t work like that.
It doesn’t take you back.
It introduces you to someone new.
And that realization can feel uncomfortable at first. Because there’s grief in it. Real grief. Not just for what happened, but for the version of you that existed before it all. The version that didn’t know. The one that trusted more easily, loved more freely, moved through life without that extra layer of caution.
You don’t get to be that person again.
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough—you’re not supposed to.
Because that version of you, as beautiful as it was, was also incomplete. Not in a broken way, but in an unfinished way. Life hadn’t shaped you yet. It hadn’t stretched your emotional capacity. It hadn’t forced you to confront your boundaries, your resilience, your depth.
Pain, as much as we resist it, does something profound. It adds layers.
It teaches you where your limits are—and how to protect them.
It shows you what you truly value—and what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.
It sharpens your intuition. It deepens your empathy. It forces you to slow down and pay attention.
The new version of you isn’t a replacement. It’s an evolution.
And yes, that version might be more cautious. Maybe a little quieter. Maybe slower to trust. Maybe more selective with who gets access to your energy.
But that’s not damage.
That’s awareness.
Healing isn’t about erasing what happened. It’s about integrating it. Carrying the lessons without letting them harden you completely. Learning how to stay open without being naive. Learning how to protect yourself without shutting the world out.
There’s a quiet strength in that balance.
The truth is, going “back” would mean losing everything you’ve learned. It would mean unlearning the wisdom that pain gave you. And as much as we romanticize the past, most of us wouldn’t actually choose to be that unaware again.
We just miss how easy it felt.
But easy isn’t always better. Sometimes it just means you haven’t been tested yet.
The person you’re becoming through healing is more grounded. More intentional. More aware of what matters and what doesn’t. You don’t just move through life anymore—you move with a sense of direction, even if it’s still forming.
And there’s something powerful about that.
Because now, when you choose people, you do it with clarity.
When you walk away, you do it with conviction.
When you love, you do it with depth—not just hope.
Healing reshapes your identity in subtle ways. You start noticing what drains you faster. You stop explaining yourself as much. You begin to value peace over validation, alignment over approval.
It’s not flashy. It’s not loud.
But it’s real.
And maybe the most important shift is this—you stop trying to “fix” yourself.
You start understanding yourself.
You realize you weren’t broken. You were just evolving through something that demanded more from you than you thought you could give.
So no, healing won’t return you to who you were before.
It will give you someone wiser. Someone steadier. Someone who has seen what life can do—and still chooses to show up.
And that version of you?
They’re not a consolation prize.
They’re the upgrade.
6 Rules for Creative Thinking
Leonardo da Vinci didn’t just paint he saw.
Where others saw a bird, he saw the mechanics of flight.
Where others saw chaos, he noticed patterns.
Most people think creativity is a gift.
It’s not.
It’s a way of seeing the world.
Leonardo’s secret wasn’t talent,
it was his way of thinking:
→ He asked more questions than he answered.
→ He observed longer than anyone else.
→ He embraced uncertainty as a source of discovery.
True creativity lives at the edge of logic and imagination,
between what we know
and what we dare to explore.
So when it feels like inspiration is gone
don’t look for it outside.
Look closer.
The answer might already be right in front of you.
I’ve collected 6 rules of Leonardo da Vinci’s creative thinking
in a simple and visual infographic.
Save it to revisit whenever your ideas stop flowing.
The Chair Theory
Came across this post on Instagram where the author shares about her grandma having a way of explaining life in the simplest possible scenes.
No lectures. No big theories. Just small moments that somehow said everything.
One day she shared this “The Chair Theory.”
She said walk into any room where there aren’t enough chairs. Then don’t speak. Don’t ask. Just watch.
Watch what people do.
At first, it seems like nothing. People are just… settling in. Adjusting themselves. Getting comfortable.
But if you look closer, something quietly revealing is happening.
Someone notices you immediately. They stand up, drag a chair from the corner, and place it next to them like it was always meant to be there.
Someone else smiles and offers you their seat without hesitation, already halfway up before you can respond.
Another person starts shifting things around, making space where there wasn’t any before. It’s not perfect, but it’s intentional.
And then there are the others.
The ones who see you standing there… and do nothing.
They don’t look away out of cruelty. They don’t push you aside. They just stay exactly where they are—comfortable, undisturbed, unchanged.
That’s the part most people miss.
It’s not always about what people do to you.
Sometimes it’s about what they don’t do for you.
Life works the same way.
You’ll walk into spaces—friendships, workplaces, relationships—where there isn’t automatically a place for you.
And in those moments, people reveal themselves without saying a word.
Some will make room.
They’ll check in on you. They’ll include you in conversations. They’ll think about you when decisions are made. They’ll adjust their lives, even in small ways, so you don’t feel like an afterthought.
These are the people who pull up chairs.
Then there are others who will watch you struggle to belong.
Not because they dislike you. Not because they want to hurt you. But because making room for someone else requires effort—and they’ve decided, consciously or not, that they’re not willing to give it.
So they stay seated.
And here’s the hard truth: you can spend a lot of your life trying to earn a seat in rooms where no one is willing to move.
You’ll overexplain yourself. Overextend yourself. Overstay in places that never made space for you to begin with.
But the Chair Theory isn’t about judging people.
It’s about recognizing patterns.
It’s about noticing who instinctively makes space for you—and who expects you to stand quietly in the background.
Because the people who pull up chairs don’t just do it once.
They do it again and again, in different forms.
They make time when they’re busy.
They show up when it’s inconvenient.
They celebrate you without competition.
They support you without keeping score.
They don’t see your presence as something to tolerate.
They see it as something to welcome.
And once you start noticing this, something shifts.
You stop chasing seats.
You start choosing rooms.
You stop trying to convince people to value you.
You start valuing the people who already do.
Because the truth is, you were never meant to stand in places where you’re invisible.
You were meant to sit where someone looked up, saw you, and said—“Hey, come here. There’s room for you.”
So pay attention.
Not to the loud promises.
Not to the occasional gestures.
Pay attention to the quiet, consistent actions.
The ones who pull up chairs without being asked.
Those are your people.
The rest?
Let them stay seated.
Master Goal Setting
83% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.
After years of setting ambitious goals only to
abandon them, I discovered something interesting:
The most successful people don’t count on motivation.
Instead, they use proven frameworks that make
success automatic.
4 goal-setting frameworks that actually work:
1. CLEAR Framework (h/t Adam Kreek)
↳ Get your team rowing in the same direction
↳ Stop chasing everything. Focus on fewer, better goals
↳ Connect goals to what truly motivates you
and your team
↳ Break big dreams into bite-sized steps
↳ Be willing to adjust when reality hits
2. Backward Goal-Setting (h/t Stephen Covey)
↳ Start with the end clearly in mind
↳ Map out every milestone needed to get there
↳ Break each milestone into specific actions
↳ Set clear deadlines for everything
↳ Begin with the very first step TODAY
3. The 5-3-1 Model
↳ Set ONE bold 5-year vision that excites you
↳ Define THREE annual targets that move you closer
↳ Check alignment QUARTERLY and course-correct
↳ Share your vision often to build team enthusiasm
↳ Stay agile. Pivot fast when something’s not working
4. Three Wins Method (h/t Peter Drucker)
↳ Identify 3 meaningful “wins” to achieve each day
↳ Write them down to stay laser-focused
↳ Prioritize your best energy for these wins
↳ Reflect on progress every evening
↳ Make it a daily habit
One final thought:
Goals not written down are just wishes.
And frameworks without action are just theory.
The Empty Boat Theory Might Change How You See People Forever
There’s an old story from ancient philosophy that feels strangely modern.
Imagine you’re rowing across a river.
It’s quiet. Calm. You’re focused.
Then suddenly, another boat slams into yours.
Instantly, your body reacts.
You tense up. You get irritated. Maybe angry. Maybe ready to yell.
Who rows like that?
What’s wrong with people?
But then you look up.
And the boat is empty.
No one’s inside.
And just like that… the anger disappears.
Same collision.
Same impact.
Same inconvenience.
But the emotional charge is gone.
Why?
Because there’s no one to blame.
That’s the heart of the Empty Boat Theory.
It’s such a simple image, but once it clicks, it’s hard to unsee.
A lot of what hurts us emotionally isn’t just what happened.
It’s what we think it means.
Someone cuts you off in traffic.
A coworker gives a short reply.
A friend doesn’t text back.
Someone interrupts you.
Someone seems cold, dismissive, distracted, rude.
And before you even realize it, your mind starts filling in the blanks.
They disrespected me.
They ignored me on purpose.
They don’t care.
They’re being difficult.
They’re trying to get under my skin.
Most of us do this automatically.
Psychology has a name for it: attribution.
We’re constantly assigning reasons to people’s behavior. We don’t just observe what they did — we decide why they did it.
And a lot of the time, especially when we’re already stressed, tired, or emotionally loaded, we assume intention where there may be none.
That’s what makes the Empty Boat Theory so powerful.
It reminds us that sometimes we’re not reacting to the actual event.
We’re reacting to the story we attached to it.
That story might be true.
But it also might not be.
Maybe the person who was short with you is overwhelmed.
Maybe the person who forgot to reply is buried in something heavy.
Maybe the person who seemed rude is anxious, distracted, or carrying pain you know nothing about.
Maybe they’re not attacking you.
Maybe they’re just in their own storm.
That doesn’t excuse genuinely harmful behavior. Not every boat is empty.
Some people are careless. Some actions are intentional. Boundaries still matter. Accountability still matters.
But the problem is that we often treat every collision like it came from a full boat.
And that’s exhausting.
Because when you assume intention too quickly, everything starts to feel personal.
Every delay feels like disrespect.
Every silence feels like rejection.
Every bad mood feels like an attack.
Every misunderstanding feels like betrayal.
That’s a heavy way to move through life.
And most of that weight was never yours to carry.
There’s a concept in psychology called cognitive reappraisal — basically, the ability to reinterpret a situation in a less emotionally reactive way.
Instead of asking, Why are they doing this to me?
You ask, What else could be true here?
That shift sounds small.
But it changes everything.
Because the moment you stop assuming malice, your nervous system relaxes.
Your anger softens.
Your defensiveness lowers.
Your clarity returns.
You become less reactive and more grounded.
You stop handing your peace over to every bump in the river.
That doesn’t mean becoming passive.
It means becoming wiser.
It means learning the difference between what actually happened… and what your mind immediately made it mean.
That’s a life skill.
Honestly, one of the most freeing realizations in adulthood is this:
Not everything is personal.
Not every awkward moment is rejection.
Not every delay is disrespect.
Not every mistake is betrayal.
Not every difficult interaction is about you.
People are often just tired.
Distracted.
Wounded.
Human.
They’re navigating their own currents, their own fears, their own invisible battles.
And sometimes, their boat hits yours not because they meant to hurt you…
but because they’re drifting too.
So the next time someone frustrates you, pause for a second before you let the story take over.
Ask yourself:
Is this a full boat… or an empty one?
That one question can save you from a lot of unnecessary anger.
A lot of misread situations.
A lot of emotional weight you were never meant to carry.
Because sometimes the real peace in life doesn’t come from controlling what bumps into you.
It comes from learning not to assume every collision is personal.
And when you stop taking everything personally…
you stop fighting ghosts in empty boats.
Balancing Your Energy
If you feel tired all the time,
This might be why:
I used to think I was low on motivation.
I was wrong.
I was leaking energy all day
and calling it “being busy.”
You and I are not running on one tank.
We’re running on five.
When one drains,
the others try to cover for it.
That works for a while.
Then the crash shows up.
Here’s what most people miss:
🟣 Mental energy
— Too many tabs open equals quiet exhaustion.
🔵 Emotional energy
— Unfelt feelings do not disappear.
— They pile up.
đźź Physical energy
— No movement equals slow burnout.
đź”´ Social energy
— Some people refill you.
— Some quietly empty you.
🟢 Spiritual energy
— When meaning fades, effort feels heavy.
Balance is not doing everything evenly.
Balance is noticing what is low
before everything breaks.
Here is a reset that actually works:
đź’Ľ At work
• Do one thing.
• Finish it.
• Pause on purpose.
🏚️At home
• Lower the noise.
• Move your body a little.
đź‘Ą With people
• Spend time where energy returns.
✨ With purpose
• Remember why today matters.
Energy is not fixed.
It is guided.
Stop pushing through.
Start paying attention.
The Black Coffee Rule: A Simple Mindset That Can Quietly Change Your Life
There’s something powerful about black coffee.
Not because it’s trendy. Not because it makes you look disciplined. And definitely not because everyone genuinely loves the taste on day one.
It’s powerful because black coffee is honest.
No sugar. No cream. No sweetener to soften the edges.
Just coffee.
And that’s exactly why the “Black Coffee Rule” has become such an interesting life mindset.
At its core, the Black Coffee Rule is simple: learn to appreciate things for what they are, not just for how they can be made easier, sweeter, or more comfortable.
That applies to a lot more than coffee.
It applies to work. Relationships. Discipline. Fitness. Growth. Patience. Even the way we handle boredom.
We live in a world that constantly offers add-ons. Shortcuts. Filters. Upgrades. Distractions. A little something extra to make everything more immediately enjoyable. And while there’s nothing wrong with comfort, there’s a subtle cost when we become dependent on it.
The Black Coffee Rule asks a harder question:
Can you still show up when the “extras” are gone?
Can you do the work when nobody’s praising you?
Can you stay consistent when progress feels slow?
Can you enjoy your own company without reaching for noise?
Can you commit to the process before the reward arrives?
That’s where the real lesson lives.
Black coffee is rarely love at first sip. For most people, it’s an acquired taste. But that’s the point. You’re not just drinking coffee — you’re training yourself to stop needing everything to be instantly pleasing.
And that’s a surprisingly valuable skill.
Because some of the best things in life don’t arrive sugar-coated.
A strong career is built in the boring reps.
A healthy body comes from routines, not motivation.
A deep relationship survives beyond the highlight reel.
A calm mind is usually built in silence, not stimulation.
The Black Coffee Rule doesn’t mean life should be joyless or stripped down for the sake of suffering. It’s not about rejecting pleasure. It’s about building the ability to handle reality without constantly needing it dressed up.
That’s a different kind of strength.
It’s the kind that says:
I can do hard things without needing immediate comfort.
I can sit with discomfort without escaping it.
I can value substance over packaging.
I can grow without applause.
And once you start applying that mindset, you begin to notice how often we avoid the raw version of things.
We avoid difficult conversations by coating them in half-truths.
We avoid effort by waiting for inspiration.
We avoid stillness by filling every empty moment with scrolling.
We avoid beginnings because we want polished outcomes before we’ve earned them.
The Black Coffee Rule quietly challenges all of that.
It reminds you that not everything meaningful needs to be easy to be worth it.
In fact, some things become meaningful because they weren’t easy.
That first bitter sip eventually becomes familiar.
Then tolerable.
Then strangely enjoyable.
And one day, you realize you’re not forcing it anymore.
That’s how discipline works too.
At first, waking up early feels brutal.
Working out feels inconvenient.
Saving money feels restrictive.
Reading instead of doomscrolling feels boring.
Having boundaries feels uncomfortable.
Until it doesn’t.
Eventually, what once felt “too plain” starts to feel clean.
What once felt “too hard” starts to feel grounding.
What once felt “not fun enough” starts to feel like peace.
That’s the shift.
The Black Coffee Rule is really about maturity — not in a boring, serious way, but in a grounded way. It’s about reaching a point where you stop needing life to constantly entertain you in order for it to matter.
You begin to appreciate depth over decoration.
Consistency over intensity.
Truth over polish.
Substance over sweetness.
And ironically, that’s when life starts tasting richer.
Because when you stop depending on extras, you become more grateful for them.
A celebration feels better when you know how to live without constant reward.
A compliment means more when you’ve learned to work without validation.
Comfort becomes sweeter when you’re no longer addicted to it.
That’s the hidden beauty of the Black Coffee Rule.
It’s not anti-joy.
It’s anti-dependence.
It teaches you to build a life where your peace, discipline, and sense of self don’t collapse the moment the “cream and sugar” disappear.
So maybe the next time life feels bitter, plain, slow, or unpolished, don’t rush to fix it immediately.
Sit with it for a second.
There may be more value in learning to handle the raw version than in constantly trying to make it easier to swallow.
Because sometimes growth doesn’t need more flavor.
Sometimes it just needs your willingness to stay.
Kenrick Vaz 