8 Super Simple Ways to Spread Sunshine

A smile is contagious and in a good way. It’s actually one of the very few things that you’d want to “catch” and then spread to others. The great things about making someone else smile is it gives you a feeling of happiness as well. You never know what someone’s day is like, or what trials and troubles they are going through so the beautiful thing about making someone else smile is that it can make their entire day. Being able to share and spread happiness is a beautiful gift that anyone can enjoy. Why not start the sharing trend and spread happiness any way that you can? It’s come back to you tenfold as well!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to contribute to the world somehow. I bet that, just like me, you walk around with some sort of wish in your heart to change the world in some way, but you might not do anything about it. How come?

My excuses were time, money, fears, and not knowing how to go about it. I’m guessing you have similar hindrances. However after sometime I realised just one thing:

All I really have is today. And I better make it count.

If you’re like me, quite busy with daily life, you might not know where to start. Consider following and see if there are anything you can apply in your everyday.

1. Be kind toward yourself.

You know how on airplanes they advise that in case of a possible accident, parents should put on their oxygen masks before they help their kids? The same thing applies here.

Be kind toward yourself. Really. You can’t give what you don’t have, right? So go ahead and do the things you love—dance, sing, or paint all you want. Just enjoy. Then go and spread some happiness around you.

2. Smile.

This is the best method ever to make your own day and spread happiness around to others. Don’t wait to be happy; think of something good in your life, smile, and see what happens.

3. Surprise!

Surprise the people you love with flowers, small presents, kind words, help, a hug, or a genuine compliment.

4. Be a hero.

Notice and help someone around you, a perfect stranger.

5. Say something good about someone or something.

Be genuine. This makes you feel good and it’s much better than gossiping, since you’re spreading positive words and thoughts with the people around you. Win!

6. Make an effort to have good thoughts.

The thing with our thoughts is that they become words and then actions, so it’s important we observe them and choose them wisely. Our thoughts are like flower seeds. They can either spread happiness or sadness. The choice is ours!

7. Listen with all your attention.

It sounds so easy, yet really few master it. Give your full attention to the person you’re talking with. It can change your whole view of the person and vice versa. That makes two happy people!

8. Learn a skill.

Then teach it for free. It could be anything from languages to cooking. Make it your one-person charity organization. Just don’t tell anyone. Have fun!

Happiness is not a goal…it’s a by-product of a life well lived.
Eleanor Roosevelt

As you can see the simplest acts can create a chain of happiness that is contagious. So go out and be the light of the world.

What do you do to spread happiness?

Denialism

We are all in denial, some of the time at least. Part of being human, and living in a society with other humans, is finding clever ways to express – and conceal – our feelings. From the most sophisticated diplomatic language to the baldest lie, humans find ways to deceive. Deceptions are not necessarily malign; at some level they are vital if humans are to live together with civility.

In practising social civility, you keep silent about things you know clearly but which you should not and do not say.
Richard Sennett

Just as we can suppress some aspects of ourselves in our self-presentation to others, so we can do the same to ourselves in acknowledging or not acknowledging what we desire. Most of the time, we spare ourselves from the torture of recognising our baser yearnings. But when does this necessary private self-deception become harmful? When it becomes public dogma. In other words: when it becomes denialism.

Denialism is an expansion, an intensification, of denial. At root, denial and denialism are simply a subset of the many ways humans have developed to use language to deceive others and themselves. Denial can be as simple as refusing to accept that someone else is speaking truthfully. Denial can be as unfathomable as the multiple ways we avoid acknowledging our weaknesses and secret desires.

Denialism is more than just another manifestation of the humdrum intricacies of our deceptions and self-deceptions. It represents the transformation of the everyday practice of denial into a whole new way of seeing the world and – most important – a collective accomplishment. Denial is furtive and routine; denialism is combative and extraordinary. Denial hides from the truth, denialism builds a new and better truth.

Empathy with denialists is not easy, but it is essential. Denialism is not stupidity, or ignorance, or psychological pathology. Nor is it the same as lying. Of course, denialists can be stupid, ignorant liars, but so can any of us. But denialists are people in a desperate predicament.

Refusing to acknowledge that something is wrong is a way of coping with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety. You can be in denial about anything that makes you feel vulnerable or threatens your sense of control, such as an illness, addiction, eating disorder, personal violence, financial problems or relationship conflicts. You can be in denial about something happening to you or to someone else.

When you’re in denial, you:

Won’t acknowledge a difficult situation
Try not to face the facts of a problem
Downplay possible consequences of the issue

When denial can be helpful

Refusing to face facts might seem unhealthy. Sometimes, though, a short period of denial can be helpful. Being in denial gives your mind the opportunity to unconsciously absorb shocking or distressing information at a pace that won’t send you into a psychological tailspin.

For example, after a traumatic event, you might need several days or weeks to process what’s happened and come to grips with the challenges ahead. Imagine what might happen if you find a lump in your throat. You might feel a rush of fear and adrenaline as you imagine it’s cancer.

So you ignore the lump, hoping it’ll go away on its own. But when the lump is still there a week later, you consult your doctor.

This type of denial is a helpful response to stressful information. You initially denied the distressing problem. But as your mind absorbed the possibility, you began to approach the problem more rationally and took action by seeking help.

When denial can be harmful

But what if you had continued to be in denial about the lump? What if you never sought help? If denial persists and prevents you from taking appropriate action, such as consulting your doctor, it’s a harmful response.

Consider these examples of unhealthy denial:

A college student witnesses a violent shooting but claims not to be affected by it.
The partner of an older man in the end stage of life refuses to discuss health care directives and wills with him, insisting that he’s getting better.
Someone periodically misses morning work meetings after drinking excessively the night before, but insists there’s no problem because the work is still getting done.
A couple are ringing up so much credit card debt that they toss the bills aside because they can’t bear to open them.
The parents of a teen with drug addiction keep giving their child “clothing” money.
A person with chest pain and shortness of breath doesn’t believe those symptoms signal a heart attack and delays getting help.

In situations such as these, denial might prevent you or your loved one from getting help, such as medical treatment or counseling, or dealing with problems that can spiral out of control — all with potentially devastating long-term consequences.

Moving past denial

When faced with an overwhelming turn of events, it’s OK to say, “I just can’t think about all of this right now.” You might need time to work through what’s happened and adapt to new circumstances. But it’s important to realize that denial should only be a temporary measure — it won’t change the reality of the situation.

It isn’t always easy to tell if denial is holding you back. The strength of denial can change over time, especially for someone with chronic illness — some periods are linked to less defensiveness, and at other times denial may be much stronger. If you feel stuck or if someone you trust suggests that you’re in denial, however, you might try these strategies:

Honestly examine what you fear.
Think about the potential negative consequences of not taking action.
Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions.
Try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation.
Journal about your experience.
Open up to a trusted friend or loved one.
Participate in a support group.

If you can’t make progress dealing with a stressful situation on your own — you’re stuck in the denial phase — consider talking to a mental health provider. He or she can help you find healthy ways to cope with the situation rather than trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.

When a loved one needs help moving beyond denial

You might find it frustrating when someone you love is in denial about an important issue. But before demanding that your loved one face the facts, take a step back. Try to determine if he or she just needs a little time to work through the issue.

At the same time, let the person know that you’re open to talking about the subject, even if it makes both of you uncomfortable. Ultimately, this might give your loved one the security he or she needs to move forward. Your loved one may even be relieved when you bring the issue up.

If your loved one is in denial about a serious health issue, such as depression, cancer or an addiction, broaching the issue might be especially difficult. Listen and offer your support. Don’t try to force someone to seek treatment, which could lead to angry confrontations. Offer to meet together with a doctor or mental health provider.

Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people

In these days of constant negativity, it’s hard to give a person a reason to believe in the good in the world. It’s hard to see the beauty of humanity. You may not be able to fix everything, but you’re the only person who can provide that one ray of hope that someone needs to carry them through their day. Be good, help others and become a reason someone believes in good people.

In the present time it’s hard to believe someone. With all the bad happening in the world; people are losing hope in good people and it’s getting hard to find one. We need to give them a reason to believe again.

Everyone is bad, no one wants to change, then why should you? The problem is, all of us think this way. That’s why nothing change. We have to change ourself first. “Let the goodness begin with you.”

Before asking someone else to change, it’s better to change yourself first. Because you have some control over you only. There are many things you can do to be better. Things you have control over. It’s hard but if everyone does it, it should work for the better of the world.

We all know how cheerful it is to wear a smiling face all the time. So don’t hurt others but rather be the main reason why they will smile. Because of some act you may show some day, that little act can make someone happy all his entire life. And that is exactly the kind of person you should be. Not someone others will be mad to live with. That is why we keep on remembering comedians even after their death. Why because, we smile whenever they open their mouth.

Compassion, empathy, and faith in people: the pillars of kindness

Simply put, compassion is our capacity to recognize and feel sympathy towards those who are suffering. I know it may not always seem like it these days, but it’s actually something that comes naturally to us since it’s a vital element of a species’ survival.

After all, if we don’t care about each other we can’t care for each other. Since every single last person on this earth has needed someone to take care of them at some point (and not just when we’re defenseless babies), you can see imagine how quickly our species would come to an end without at least some sense of compassion.

Empathy and compassion go hand-in-hand. When you adopt a more compassionate state of mind, you’ll naturally start looking at the world through a more empathetic lens. That, in turn, leads you to assume the best of people. This is best described through an example.

Imagine that you’re driving home from the store, and a guy cuts you off in traffic. He just pulls right out in front of you, forcing you to slam on your brakes to avoid hitting him. Your first thought is “What a jerk!” You return his guilty look by flipping him off and screaming expletives at him.

Now, look at the scenario through a more compassionate and empathetic lens. Why do you think he cut you off? Maybe he just got a call saying that his child was injured at school and on the way to the hospital. Perhaps his wife just called saying that she’s in labor. Maybe he just lost his job and was lost in his thoughts about how he’ll afford to keep a roof over his kids’ heads.

There are so many potential reasons that have nothing to do with “because he’s a jerk.” No, it doesn’t’ change the fact that he almost caused an accident, or that you’re feeling a bit shaken from that near miss. But it does change how you respond to the incident.

Instead of flipping him off when he gives you that “I’m so sorry” look, you respond with a smile and a wave. At that moment, at a time when he is expecting the worst response from you and instead gets gentle forgiveness, you become the reason he believes in good people.

That mindset, that way of looking at the world and treating people, is really the heart of living a life filled with kindness. It’s how we become better people and create a gentler society.

What could be considered “goodness”?

Go that extra mile when you see something is missing.
Reach out to encourage, without expectation of return.
Provide what’s needed – anonymously if possible.
Smile even when you don’t feel like it.
Clean up a mess, especially if you weren’t involved.
Open doors for others – figuratively speaking.
Be with someone. Just be. No words, or advice.
Give a verbal hug to someone who has felt rejected.
Let go of something. Release your anger or expectation, or…
Care for something that’s not your responsibility.
I’m sure there are more! What would you add?

SMART Goals

Many people feel as if they’re adrift in the world. They work hard, but they don’t seem to get anywhere worthwhile.

A key reason that they feel this way is that they haven’t spent enough time thinking about what they want from life, and haven’t set themselves formal goals. After all, would you set out on a major journey with no real idea of your destination? Probably not!

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You’ll also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

You set your goals on a number of levels:

First you create your “big picture” of what you want to do with your life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and identify the large-scale goals that you want to achieve.
Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit to reach your lifetime goals.
Finally, once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.

This is why we start the process of setting goals by looking at your lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the things that you can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start moving towards them.

To give a broad, balanced coverage of all important areas in your life, try to set goals in some of the following categories (or in other categories of your own, where these are important to you):

Career – What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve?
Financial – How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your career goals?
Education – Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to have in order to achieve other goals?
Family – Do you want to be a parent? If so, how are you going to be a good parent? How do you want to be seen by a partner or by members of your extended family?
Artistic – Do you want to achieve any artistic goals?
Attitude – Is any part of your mindset holding you back? Is there any part of the way that you behave that upsets you? If so, set a goal to improve your behavior or find a solution to the problem.
Physical – Are there any athletic goals that you want to achieve, or do you want good health deep into old age? What steps are you going to take to achieve this?
Pleasure – How do you want to enjoy yourself? (You should ensure that some of your life is for you!)
Public Service – Do you want to make the world a better place? If so, how?

A useful way of making goals more powerful is to use the SMART mnemonic. While there are plenty of variants (some of which we’ve included in parenthesis), SMART usually stands for:

S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful).
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented).
R – Relevant (or Rewarding).
T – Time-bound (or Trackable).

For example, instead of having “to sail around the world” as a goal, it’s more powerful to use the SMART goal “To have completed my trip around the world by December 31, 2027.” Obviously, this will only be attainable if a lot of preparation has been completed beforehand!

Now that you know how important goals are, it’s time to take the first step toward setting goals and achieving them.

Whether it’s personal goals for yourself or company-driven goals for your team, the goal-setting process can help you find purpose and meaning in your life.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and your team members. Even if you don’t reach all of your goals, just having them written down can provide a deeper sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

Still not sure how to set goals and achieve them? Or do you just need more help on your goal-setting journey? Get in touch with me!

Why It’s So Hard to Feel Worthy of Success

Think about the cumulative effect of all the negative things you’ve told yourself about yourself. Even for relatively happy, normal, well-adjusted people, it’s almost impossible to turn off that voice that tells you you’re not good enough.

The irony of it? We think about ourselves, constantly, all the time, but when it comes to using that self-obsession to make our lives better, the effectiveness of our minds suddenly drops.

We all want to be successful. Sure, that definition changes depending on who you ask. Yes, most of us have had successes in our lives and live pretty good lives, too. But few of us feel like we’ve maxed out our potential and really gave it our all at something we cared about.

Deep down, many of us feel unworthy of our dreams.

Do you feel this way? I know parts of me did when I was trying to accomplish my goal of writing to share my thoughts and convictions.

You think to yourself, “Who the hell are you to have these dreams? Basically no one pulls off a dream like this off. Do you really think you’re different? Really? Think of all your mistakes. You have no evidence that shows you’ll ever change. Why try?”

We all have some iteration of this conversation with ourselves. We’re hurtful to ourselves. Truly mean and cruel in a way we’d never be to other human beings.

Where does this come from? Why do we do this to ourselves? How can we fix it? How can you succeed?

You’re Fighting an Uphill Battle From Birth

It doesn’t help that you learn to view your own behavior through the lens of right and wrong, mostly wrong, from a very young age. You spend your whole life being told what not to do.

When you’re little it’s “don’t touch that.” When you get older, almost everything you learn is predicated on avoiding failure instead of achieving success. It’s not so much that you wanted to get good grades. You didn’t want to get bad grades and feel shame. Not so much that you wanted to get the degree, but that you didn’t want to be a disappointment or you didn’t want to be a part of the “out crowd” who doesn’t have that piece of paper.

You’re always playing defense. Always trying to avoid making mistakes. Looking bad has always been weighted more heavily than feeling good.

Our entire society is a comparison trap. Grades could easily be pass or fail — the arbitrary nature of the grades has nothing to do with whether you really know the information or not.

You take “standardized tests” as if human beings are standard issue and achieve success using the exact same rubric. Everything is standardized — standard home, car, degree, job, neighborhood. And our goals are set by society — don’t fall below these standards.

Create a Mental Flywheel For Success

The good news? Competence does create confidence. Once you create enough evidence for your own success you’ll no longer have to rely on tricking yourself and faking it.

It’ll work the same for you with your dream. 80 percent of your effort goes towards hitting critical mass, the tipping point, breaking that wall, and then achieving your dream is just a matter of time — the other 20 percent. The beginning phase of building any dream is so fraught with doubt and difficulty that it basically destroys most people dead in their tracks almost right away.

But if you understand that it’s the hardest part and that you won’t always feel that heavily full of doubt, you can take your bumps and bruises upfront until you reach the other side. And the crazy thing about it? Your mind is mostly in the way. The actual steps aren’t that bad.

You will have to face rejection. But do you know what rejection and embarrassment really are? They’re just physiological responses — you get that heart in your stomach feeling for a few seconds and then it goes away. Feeling bad or discouraged about anything is just your interpretation of what happened. You know this, but over time, you’ll know this.

You will start to feel worthy as time moves forward. The first time you pull off something you thought was outside your capabilities, you’ll fully understand how limiting your beliefs are. I still have limiting beliefs about some of the big hairy audacious goals I still have. But now I know that my current normal life would seem absurd to my past self, so I let go of the need to have one hundred percent belief in myself and I just keep doing the work.

Remember Who You Really Are

When was the last time someone told you that you’re good enough? How often do you tell yourself that? Unfortunately, we lack positive reinforcement in our society and even in our own upbringing sometimes. But you can always be your own support system.

Start thinking of yourself as a friend and start taking care of yourself. Make a conscious effort to do that. I’m weird. I literally talk to myself. Sometimes looking in the mirror. I try to remind myself of who to trust — not my irrational monkey mind liar, but me.

That negative-self talk voice isn’t you. You know that, right?

“This is just the way I am.” Not true. It’s the way you’re choosing to be. It’s the way you default to being because you listen to that negative voice instead of listening to yourself.

I can’t even imagine what’s going on in your mind on a day to day basis because I personally have a hell of a nasty self-talk voice.

At the end of the day, you have to seriously take care of yourself and take your relationship with yourself seriously. You won’t always have good days. But, what choice do you have? Either you try your best to make it work or you give up and let your lizard brain run your life for you.

Keep having those conversations with yourself.

You owe it to yourself to live a better life.

You deserve to live a better life and you know it.

Here’s what will happen if you do decide to listen to yourself. One day you’ll look back on everything you’ve ever done and you’ll thank yourself that you were there for yourself.

You’ll have a level of confidence no one can take away from you ever. Success doesn’t solve all your problems, but it does give you the peace in knowing you cared about yourself enough to follow through with something you cared about.

There’s no feeling quite like it.

5 Lessons the Storms of Life can Teach Us

Nature’s storms have a beauty of their own, even though they can be frightening and unpredictable. It’s breathtaking to see the night sky illuminated by flashes of light and watch the power of the wind sweep rain across the landscape.

Storms are the perfect reminder of the power of God. No matter how far technology has advanced, man still can’t stop storms.

Natural storms and personal storms are similar because:

They often arrive suddenly.

They bring darkness, uncertainty, and a sense of foreboding disaster.

They do not last forever.

At times they bring devastation requiring clean up.

We have no control over them.
They may be followed by sunshine and rainbows.

Like natural storms, personal storms often arrive with little warning. Broken relationships, the loss of a job, a health crisis, financial hardship, the death of a loved one, or a tragic accident can change our lives in a moment. Storms uproot our lives and leave a behind a path of destruction in the form of rearranged lives, depression, discouragement, and lifestyle changes.

Thankfully, storms pass in time. Some of the darkest moments in our lives happen just before we experience a breakthrough to better things. It is difficult to find beauty in our personal storms when we are going through them, but we can take comfort in knowing they will eventually end.

It’s not just that storms teach. It’s that there are lessons we can only understand in a storm.

1. Storms teach us real gratitude

It’s easy to be grateful when things in life are going well. When the bank account is full and all is going well. But even in difficulty we can find things to be grateful for. Stopping to look for God’s good hand and keep a daily gratitude list helps us see that God is at work all around us even when circumstances are hard.

2. Storms teach us real joy

After I left the Jesuits in 2010, I wondered if I’d ever feel real joy again. I thought it would come months later, after I’d processed the grief. To my surprise, God brought moments of joy in the midst of grief. Evenings with friends. Birthday celebrations with family. Little surprises in my day.

Storms show us that real joy comes in the hard, not after.

3. Storms teach us real treasure

The world tells us we need bigger, newer and more. In the storms that shatter life as you know it, what’s really valuable becomes crystal clear.

4. Storms teach us real strength

We can usually handle the mild annoyances and problems that surface on easy days. But trials bring us to the end of ourselves.

In those times, we realize we’re completely dependent on God. We need him to give us wisdom, to replace our fear with faith and to give us strength to battle the storm. But that’s a good place to be. God designed us to be utterly dependent on him. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

5. Storms teach us real faithfulness

It’s easy to quote the promises of God when life is good. But do they hold up in the hard?

Storms prove they do! We can see God’s faithfulness in ways we never see on sunny days. That’s when we can cement our own faith, when it becomes deeply personal because we see firsthand how God meets our needs and takes care of us in the hard. It’s in the storms we so often see God do things we couldn’t even ask or imagine. “All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant.”

None of us are immune from the storms of life. While we don’t know how or when they will hit, God has assured us they will come.

But just like hurricanes, we can prepare.

The Beauty of Storms
Darshak Rana

Storms are the beauty of life.
It draws out of us-our inner powers,
that the calm seas fail to discern.

Those, who wait for the storms to pass,
Often ends up in sadness and stress,
while the one who embraces the thunder
emerges victorious.

A person of faith finds the storm
as a sunny day,
where the rainbow of hope smiles
and fills the life,
with joy and happiness.

While the person of fear finds the gentle winds
as the majestic storms,
because the fear murders hope,
and dries out happiness
from the pastures of life.

Those, who believe in the beauty of storms,
find solace amidst the chaos!
Because they don’t try to control the storm,
but they themselves become a storm
of resilience and determination.

8 Steps to Move On

There are some events that give us a lot of sleepless nights. Nights when we are was so worried about something that had happened in the past that we let it dictate our future. We’ve all been there at some point. You’re not alone.

Whether it’s something small, like making a terrible first impression, or saying something you wish you hadn’t, to something big, like having to shutdown your business or change tracks in your career. Harping on negative experiences is painful and, when we hold on to that pain, we can’t move on to something more positive.

That’s why it’s important that you let it go and leave the past behind with these eight tactics.

1. Learn from the past but don’t dwell there.

Yes. Those negative experiences you had can actually be used for learning and future experiences, no matter how painful they are. Take some time to reflect on the experience and look at ways at it can actually benefit you down the road.

You can learn from your experiences by reflecting on these few simple questions:

What really happened? Answer only by confronting the facts.
What emotions do I feel? I personally like to write them down.
How can I use this to empower myself and my feelings?

After answering these questions, it’s time to move on. While reflecting on the past for a little bit of time is acceptable, dwelling on it will only keep those negative thoughts and feelings around.

2. Express yourself.

Don’t hesitate to get the pain you’re feeling off your chest. Whether it’s talking to the individual who has harmed you or who you harmed, venting to a friend or writing it down, expressing your feelings can assist you in sorting out what, if anything, needs to be done to move on.

More importantly, it’s good for your health. Dr. Edmund Bourne, author of The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, warns that holding onto your feelings leads to anxiety, depression, headache and high blood pressure.

When it’s time to express your feelings, make sure to use “I” messages. Describe the degree of your emotions, and share them with someone who will listen and not pass judgment. This will help you express the grief you’re going through.
Gloria Horsley, Grieft Expert

3. Stop pointing fingers.

Playing the role of the victim is easy and sometimes feels pretty good, especially compared with accepting the truth. The problem is, blaming others prevents you from going forward. Most often, pointing fingers is just complaining.

Blaming others gives power to someone else and makes us small. When we blame, we automatically enter the negative zone. We loathe someone else or some external factor because we were not able to mold life into our own favor.
Ruchika Batra, Life Coach

4. Focus on the present.

One of the most effective ways to let go of the past is to embrace the present. Instead of reliving the past and getting consumed with negativity, keep yourself active and enjoy the current moment. Learn a new skill. Meditate. Exercise. Have dinner with a friend. Make a new friend. Whatever it is, just live in the moment – even if it’s just sitting at your desk and watching the clouds roll by.

Living in the moment, also called mindfulness, “involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away.” Psychology Today states that “mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure.”

5. Disconnect for a while.

Allow yourself to take some time away so that you can clear your head. You don’t have to go backpacking through Europe. Just remove yourself from the situation by distancing yourself from the people, places and things that remind you of the past. Practicing ways to disconnect for a while will give you the chance to experience something positive — even if that’s just camping at a nearby campground without any access to social media.

When you return, you’ll have a perspective on the past.

6. Think about the people around you.

Take inventory of the people around you. Who is negative and always bringing you down? Who are the people associated with the past that you’re trying to move away from? You may need to move away from these individuals to find more positive people who will empower you.

There are more than enough ways to meet new people, such as attending local meetups and conferences. Don’t be shy. Get yourself out there and find a new group of friends and acquaintances who can help you move forward.

7. Forgive those who wronged you — including yourself.

If you’ve been hurt by someone, the last thing that you may want to do is forgive them. But, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth.”

While you’re at it, forgive yourself. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Instead of kicking yourself for your past mistakes, cut yourself some slack and focus on the lessons that you’ve learned.

Once you’re not carrying that anger and resentment, you’ll be able to move on.

8. Make new memories.

Finally, start making new, positive memories to replace those negative memories from the past. Spend your time with the people who make you happy, the things that bring you joy and in the places that bring you peace. Making new memories is better being stuck in the past.

In fact, it’s been discovered by scientists that having too many old memories makes it more difficult to make new memories. So, out with the old and in with the new.

Here’s to living in the now!

The Impact of Gossip and Rumours

Gossip and rumours happens so frequently during our growing years, that some people have come to accept it as a normal part of life. But when it involves toxic friendships and spreading rumors, that is anything but normal. In fact, for those who are impacted, gossip can be downright painful and almost impossible to ignore – especially if social media is being used to spread it.

Gossip and rumors can alienate friends, ruin reputations, and even lead to ostracizing behavior and other forms of relational aggression. Kids who are being gossiped about are negatively impacted. For instance, gossip and rumors can destroy a person’s self-confidence and affect their self-esteem. It also can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, anxiety, and a host of other issues.

Let’s try to see the differences between rumours and gossip.

Rumors are pieces of information or a story that has not been verified. What this means, is that the person telling the story does not know for certain if it is true or not. Most of the time, people who spread rumors do not bother to determine if there is any truth to what they are saying.

Typically, rumors are spread from person to person and can change slightly each time they are told. As a result, they can become exaggerated and altered over time.

Gossip is slightly different from a rumor. Usually, gossip involves a juicy detail of some sort, which means the information is shocking or personal. What’s more, gossip is usually spread behind a person’s back and can be very hurtful.

Gossip usually involves love, relationships, sex, and other issues that people usually do not talk about publicly. Additionally, gossip almost always causes pain and humiliation for the person it is about. People share gossip without any thought of how it might impact the person it is about.

Rumours

Unverified pieces of information
Often involves speculation
Unknown if information is true
May change slightly as retold
Information usually not harmful to another person

Gossip

Juicy or scandalous story
Hurtful for another person
Unknown if information is true
Usually involves things not discussed publicly
May humiliate the person it’s about

So why do people gossip?

To Feel Better

When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes will target other people to try to make themselves feel better. As a result, they talk about others as a way to deflect attention from themselves.

To Feel Accepted

If everyone else in their circle of friends is gossiping or spreading rumors, we feel like they have to do the same thing in order to be accepted. Many times peer pressure will play a factor in spreading rumors or gossiping.

To Get Attention

When we know a secret that nobody else knows, or they are the first person in the group to hear a rumor, it makes them the center of attention. As a result, people that are trying to fit in or climb the social ladder might use gossip and rumors as a tool to gain popularity.

To Gain Power

Some of us want to be in control and at the top of the social ladder. When we are at the top of the social ladder or are determined to climb higher, we sometimes accomplish that by diminishing the status of another person. Spreading rumors or gossiping is one of the primary ways people jockey for social status.

To Get Revenge

When we are envious of another person’s looks, popularity, or money, we might use gossip and rumors to hurt that person. We also tend to use gossip and rumors to get back at someone who we feel deserves to be hurt. Making up a rumor or spreading gossip sometimes satisfies their need for revenge.

To Relieve Boredom

Research indicates that boredom is often the number one reason why teens spread rumors. These teens are bored with their lives because there is no drama. As a result, they resort to rumors and gossip to spice things up and make life more exciting.

When we are being gossiped about or if someone is spreading rumors, there are a number of things that we can do to cope with it. For instance, you could stop dwelling on what other people are saying or go directly to the source and confront the issue. The key is to find a way to address the gossiping and rumor spreading that is comfortable for your child.

Hard Work Pays Off

We all need a little bit of encouragement and motivation from time to time. Even the most inspirational people in the world have times when nothing happens. And that’s completely ok. We are all entitled to be down for a bit.

It’s during the moments of zero inspiration, zero motivation and low points that we discover who we are. It’s in our weakest moments that our strength, resilience and courage is built.

Here are three stories that keep me going on days like these

1. Michael Jordan

I guess everyone knows who Michael Jordan is. But what you might not know is that Jordan, who many agree was the greatest basketball player of all time, didn’t even make his high school basketball team when he tried out during his sophomore year. Needless to say, Jordan used this episode to motivate himself to succeed on the basketball court.

Jordan explained in a Newsweek article:

“Whenever I was working out and got tired and figured I ought to stop, I’d close my eyes and see that list in the locker room without my name on it. That usually got me going again.”

By the end of his high school career, Jordan had been named a McDonald’s All-American.

But Jordan never stopped practicing — even when he was excelling at the highest levels. MJ spent the off-season shooting hundreds of jump shots each day. Phil Jackson, who coached him for many years, said Jordan became so great not because of his inherent skills, but because he understood how hard he needed to work to succeed.

2. Tim Ferriss

If you haven’t heard of Tim Ferriss, here’s a quick primer: He’s the author of The 4-Hour Workweek, a book published in 2007 that offers advice on how you can trim the fat off your workday and, through a series of prioritizations, determination, and outsourcing, theoretically end up being able to log a four-hour week.

While the prospect of actually being able to pull that off is a bit iffy for me, Ferriss’s book, perhaps unsurprisingly, has become tremendously popular over the better part of a decade. To date, it’s sold over 1.3 million copies across the globe. But Ferriss had no way of knowing this would ever be the case.

It turns out that the first 25 publishers Ferriss contacted about his book said no. According to the Harvard Business Review, the 26th publisher said yes not because they loved the concept of the book, but because they believed Ferriss would do everything within his power to make sure it sold.

As demonstrated, persistence and determination pay off.

3. Vincent van Gogh

You are undoubtedly familiar with at least some of Van Gogh’s 900 paintings. You’ve probably seen Starry Night, Bedroom in Arles, or Café Terrace at Night, to name a few.

But what you might not have known is that Van Gogh only sold one painting during his entire lifetime. In other words, he went to the grave thinking that he was a failed artist.

Most failed artists who died in the 1800s don’t have their own Wikipedia pages.

Though Van Gogh might not have benefited from fame or fortune in his lifetime, he remained committed to realizing his artistic vision. While no one was interested in buying his paintings when he was alive, Van Gogh continued pouring his heart and his soul onto his canvases. Over time, that commitment paid off; Van Gogh is routinely included among the greatest painters of all time.

Like Jordan, Ferriss, and Van Gogh, you might not succeed right away. But hard work and determination do pay dividends sooner or later.

10 Financial Proverbs For Our Times

There are quite a few old proverbs and adages that we’ve all been saying and hearing for years (if not centuries). After a while we stop really hearing them, though, and start to take their meaning for granted. But most wisdom is timeless – and smart money advice is worth hearing in any century. So here are a few great financial proverbs that are just as true today as when they were first uttered:

NEVER SPEND MONEY BEFORE YOU HAVE IT.
Unknown

Spending money you don’t have is the first step on the slippery slope of debt. Of course, it’s pretty impossible to buy everything you need with cash these days, so some debt (home loan, car loan, student loans, etc.) is a given. It’s the non-essentials that will get you, so when it comes to credit purchases be careful.

SPENDING IS QUICK; EARNING IS SLOW.
Russian proverb

Spending is quick, alright. Thanks to modern technology, the “convenience” of buying has never been greater – we can spend thousands of rupees in the swipe of a card, the click of a mouse and the tap of a smartphone. Just remember, no matter how easy it is to spend your money, it’s not getting any easier to make that money.

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTED.
Dr. John Bridges

Don’t take this one the wrong way. Smart people and money are parted all the time, too. It just means that all money decisions are important and you can’t take it for granted that your money will always be there. The more you do to educate yourself about finances, the better equipped you’ll be to make positive choices with your money.

CREDITORS HAVE BETTER MEMORIES THAN DEBTORS.
Ben Franklin

As much as we’d like to be able to forget our bad money decisions and let our old debts drift away into obscurity, that just isn’t happening. And just because you can’t remember who you owe and how much, trust me – they know. So keep good records and don’t lose track of your debts.

RATHER GO TO BED SUPPERLESS THAN RISE IN DEBT.
Ben Franklin

Don’t take Franklin too literally here. If using credit is your only option, that’s far better than starving. The real point here is that some wants may feel like needs, but you should never forget that borrowed money is still borrowed money and in the (figurative) morning it will be due.

IF YOU BUY WHAT YOU DON’T NEED, YOU STEAL FROM YOURSELF.
Swedish proverb

This is a great saying that you don’t hear enough, because it’s absolutely true. When you buy something you don’t need today, it’s the future you that will suffer. Or, to put it another way, spending money on today’s wants means you might not be able to afford tomorrow’s needs.

Even if you feel financially secure right now, that might not last forever, so you should still be cautious with your money.

SAVE FOR A RAINY DAY.
Aesop

Never take the value of savings for granted, because (to use another popular old adage) when it rains, it pours. We’re hardly ever as prepared as we need to be for major financial setbacks, so it’s important to remember that disaster can strike at any time. The more you save today, the faster your recovery will be.

A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED.
George Herbert

This saying used to make no sense to me. In my mind, a penny saved is a penny saved and a penny earned is a penny earned. They’re two totally different things! Unless you’ve got a savings account with 100% interest, which would be awesome.

However, it turns out I was misinterpreting the proverb. It really means that the money you save is just as valuable as the money you earn – so don’t discount the importance of saving. And that I totally agree with.

INTEREST ON DEBT GROWS WITHOUT RAIN.
Yiddish

Crops, trees, flowers, grass – all organic plant life needs the right conditions to grow and thrive. Debt, on the other hand, can grow in a vacuum. So just remember that it doesn’t matter what happens to the house you buy, or the degree you finance, or the new business you invest in – the interest on your debt will accumulate no matter what.

LEND YOUR MONEY AND LOSE YOUR FRIEND.
William Caxton

Borrow money from the bank. Seriously. You’re very unlikely to have a super tense, passive aggressive Thanksgiving meal with the bank.

In all seriousness, it’s possible to lend to or borrow money from friends or family, but it’s difficult and, more often than not, it puts an unnecessary strain on your most important relationships. So stick with the bank as far as possible. The bank doesn’t care if you say nasty things behind its back. It’s probably used to it. Thankfully I have never had to face awkward moments with family and friends I may have lent money to, but you may not be as fortunate as me!