Being the right person

Quite a few of my friends are at the stage of looking out for the right person to settle down with. Most of the time we are comparing ourselves to others, whether it is with our spouses or spouse-to-be, or families or colleagues at work, or friends. We catch ourselves saying wish I was on their team or project, wish I had a brother/sister like that etc.

When I saw this quote, I was reminded of my favorite Christmas story.

A friend of mine named Paul received a new car from his brother as a pre-Christmas present.  On Christmas Eve, when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it.

“Is this your car, mister?” he asked.

Paul nodded.  “My brother gave it to me for Christmas.”

The boy looked astounded.  “You mean your brother gave it to you, and it didn’t cost you anything?  Gosh, I wish…..”

He hesitated, and Paul knew what he was going to wish.  He was going to wish he had a brother like that.  But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels.

“I wish,” the boy went on, “that I could be a brother like that.”

Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively added, “Would you like a ride in my new car?”

“Oh, yes, I’d love that!”

After a short ride the urchin turned, and with his eyes aglow said, “Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?”

Paul smiled a little.  He thought he knew what the lad wanted.  He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile.  But Paul was wrong again.

“Will you stop right where those steps are?” the boy asked.  He ran up the steps.  Then in a little while, Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast.  He was carrying his little polio-crippled brother.  He sat down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up right against him and pointed to the car.

“There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs.  His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn’t cost him a cent, and someday I’m gonna give you one just like it; then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that I’ve been trying to tell you about.”

Paul got out and lifted the little lad into the front seat of his car.  The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.

Forgive & Forget?

Of the four mantras here for happiness, today I’d like to focus on the third one – forgive those who hurt you. It is so difficult for most of us to forgive someone who has hurt us. The deeper the wound, the more we hold ourselves back from pardoning them. However what we fail to realise is that along with not healing the relationship, we are causing ourselves more harm by hollding on to grudges. We need to learn our lesson from the incident and move on. Forgetting is not an option, however forgive and move on.

Sometime back I had written an article on Ubuntu. And here is a lovely story that touched me.

An old man once had an argument with his only son. He tried to apologize many times but the young man would not listen. The father never gave up because he loved his son with all his heart, but the son would not give in, because he was too blinded by his pride.

Years passed and as the man lay in his deathbed, he made a final attempt to reconcile with his son, but still he would not listen and so the father died with a heart full of grief.

During this time the son too had a child who had now grown up into a young adult. To this child he never mentioned his father and when the young man asked about his grandfather he would tell him never to mention him again.

One day, they too were both involved in a hot argument and his son fled away as his father did many years before. The man was extremely saddened and this time he had no pride, but felt completely isolated. 

He was afraid that he had lost his son forever and for the first time after many years he turned to God in prayer. At that moment something filled his heart and he realized how his father must have felt many years back.

He remembered how he had hurt his old man and only at that point he realized the extent of the hurt he had caused. The more he thought the more he understood how unjust he was with his old father, the man who gave him everything through out his life. 

With these sad thoughts he felt asleep on the couch. Next morning when he opened his eyes he found himself tucked in his bed and in front of him stood his son. The man could not believe his eyes, and the two hugged each other while they cried together.

After lots of apologies, the young man explained that up till the day before he felt lots of hatred towards his father, but during the night he had a strange dream that touched his heart. He dreamt that an old man was hugging him, and as he embraced him, all his hatred turned into love. The old man then told him to forgive and forget. He then explained that as soon as he woke up he came running to his father’s house.

At this point the man told his son that on the same night, he learnt an important lesson, and how he had let his father down when he was younger. The son wanted to know more about his grandfather who he never met or even saw, and this was the most appropriate time.

The man went to an old bookshelf and fetched an old family album. He then picked an old photograph of his father and when the son saw it, he remained dumb-founded. The son then explained that the man in the photograph was the same one he dreamt of the night before.

What Consumes your Mind Controls your Life

When we work hard, day after day, we start thinking about work even when we’re away from it. There are many reasons why this happens, while one of the major ones is – quick impulsive decisions don’t consume our mind, while more challenging ones can turn our everyday life a nightmare. 

Similarly whenever you find yourself in a difficult situation or stand face to face against a major challenge, your brain registers a negative emotion — in many cases, this can either be fear, anger, sorrow, frustration or envy. These negative emotions narrow your mind towards escaping, avoiding, procrastinating or anything else to drive you away from confrontation. This is part of the human instinct when in survival mode. However, the problem is that your brain is still programmed to respond to negative emotions in the same way by shutting off the outside world and limiting the options you see around you.

For example, when someone insults you, your anger might consume you to the point where you can’t think of anything else. Or, you have a few deadlines today, you procrastinate everything till the last moment because you’re paralyzed by how long your to-do list has become. Or, you feel bas because of not hitting the gym today and all you can think about is how little willpower you have, and how you’re not driven.

In each case, your mind focusses on the negative emotions — it prevents you from seeing other options and choices around you.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind.

Lord Buddha

Controlling the mind begins with the mastery of controlling one’s thoughts. If you can’t control your thoughts, you can’t control your actions. Our thoughts are so powerful that they are capable of turning a dream into reality. They are mixed baggage of our past, emotions, and fear. Our thoughts create our days, our life, decides our vibes, and triggers our feelings and behavior. Our mind is a multi-dimensional consciousness and thus it becomes important to mold our thoughts and point its attention in a particular positive direction to achieve peace of mind. Learning how to control your mind begins with the realization that the solution lies within us only.

When by my solitary hearth I sit,
And hateful thoughts enwrap my soul in gloom;
When no fair dreams before my ‘mind’s eye’ flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o’er my head!

John Keats

Keep Trying…

Persistence and never giving up are extremely important qualities for a person on his way towards goals and dreams. We meet many obstacles all the time, that is why it is necessary to learn how be determined in our life. Here is a lovely story that I came across on following your dream.

From his childhood, Monty’s father as a horse trainer was moving from stable to stable, from ranch to ranch, training horses. Thus, the boy‘s school career was constantly interrupted. One day, when he was a senior, teacher asked him to write about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He did not hesitate a minute and wrote seven-page paper about his aim to be an owner of a horse ranch, he wrote many details and drew a location of buildings and stables and even a detailed house plan.

Two days later he received his paper back with letter “F” on the front page. After class he came to teacher and asked: “Why did I receive an F?”. The teacher responded: “This dreams is so unrealistic for a boy like you, who has no money, no resources and who comes from itinerant family. There is no possibility that you will reach your great goals one day.” Then the teacher offered to rewrite the paper with more realistic attitude.

The boy went home and asked his father, how he should act. The father answered: “This decision is very important for you. So you have to make your own mind on this.”

After several days the boy brought the same paper to his teacher. No changes were made. He said: “Keep the F and I will keep my dream”

Now Monty owns a 4,000-square-foot house in the middle of 200-acre horse ranch and he still has that school paper, which now is framed over the fireplace.

Remember, you have to follow your heart, never give up, move on with determination and persistence,  and never let anyone take your dreams away.

Where there is a will..

Long ago, in China, there lived a big businessman whose business was to sell combs. Now that he was becoming old and about to retire, he wanted to place the business into wise and able hands.

So, he called forth his three sons and instructed them, that their assignment was to sell combs in the Buddhist monastery. The sons were shocked and confused because the monks in the monastery were bald and they never grew any hair. Anyhow, the three sons went about the job that was assigned to them.

After two days, the first son reported he had sold two combs. When the father asked how, he replied, that he instructed the monks that the comb would be a valuable tool for scratching their backs in case of itching.

The second son appeared later and told that he had sold ten combs by advising the monks that the combs would help their visitors and pilgrims to comb their hair before entering the monastery, as their hair might have ruffled during the journey to the monastery.

Then the third son came out with a surprising sales figure of a thousand Combs. The father filled with happiness and anxiety asked him how he had achieved such a feat.

The third son replied, that he gave the monks an idea.The idea was, that if some of the teachings of Buddha were to be printed/embossed on the comb and given as a take away gift to the visitors and pilgrims; they will remember the teachings of Buddha on a daily basis while combing their hair.
This creative idea struck the deal.

The simple story above goes to show that, “Where there is a WILL, there is always a way”

Our Attitude Shapes our Action and Results, when faced with challenges how will you respond?

The Floor Maid at the Tewksbury Institute

Dr. Frank Mayfield was touring Tewksbury Institute when, on his way out, he accidentally collided with an elderly floor maid. To cover the awkward moment Dr. May field started asking questions.

“How long have you worked here?”

“I’ve worked here almost since the place opened,” the maid replied.

“What can you tell me about the history of this place?” he asked.

“I don’t think I can tell you anything, but I could show you something.”

With that, she took his hand and led him down to the basement under the oldest section of the building. She pointed to one of what looked like small prison cells, their iron bars rusted with age, and said, “That’s the cage where they used to keep Annie Sullivan.”

“Who’s Annie?” the doctor asked.

Annie was a young girl who was brought in here because she was incorrigible—nobody could do anything with her. She’d bite and scream and throw her food at people. The doctors and nurses couldn’t even examine her or anything. I’d see them trying with her spitting and scratching at them.

“I was only a few years younger than her myself and I used to think, ‘I sure would hate to be locked up in a cage like that.’ I wanted to help her, but I didn’t have any idea what I could do. I mean, if the doctors and nurses couldn’t help her, what could someone like me do?

“I didn’t know what else to do, so I just baked her some brownies one night after work. The next day I brought them in. I walked carefully to her cage and said, ‘Annie, I baked these brownies just for you. I’ll put them right here on the floor and you can come and get them if you want.’

“Then I got out of there just as fast as I could because I was afraid she might throw them at me. But she didn’t. She actually took the brownies and ate them. After that, she was just a little bit nicer to me when I was around. And sometimes I’d talk to her. Once, I even got her laughing.

One of the nurses noticed this and she told the doctor. They asked me if I’d help them with Annie. I said I would if I could. So that’s how it came about that. Every time they wanted to see Annie or examine her, I went into the cage first and explained and calmed her down and held her hand.

This is how they discovered that Annie was almost blind.”

After they’d been working with her for about a year—and it was tough sledding with Annie—the Perkins institute for the Blind opened its doors. They were able to help her and she went on to study and she became a teacher herself.

Annie came back to the Tewksbury Institute to visit, and to see what she could do to help out. At first, the Director didn’t say anything and then he thought about a letter he’d just received. A man had written to him about his daughter. She was absolutely unruly—almost like an animal. She was blind and deaf as well as ‘deranged.’

He was at his wit’s end, but he didn’t want to put her in an asylum. So he wrote to the Institute to ask if they knew of anyone who would come to his house and work with his daughter.

And that is how Annie Sullivan became the lifelong companion of Helen Keller.

Helen Keller (left) in 1899 with lifelong companion and teacher Anne Sullivan (right).
Photo taken by Alexander Graham Bell at his School of Vocal Physiology and Mechanics of Speech.

When Helen Keller received the Nobel Prize, she was asked who had the greatest impact on her life and she said, “Annie Sullivan.”

But Annie said, “No Helen. The woman who had the greatest influence on both our lives was a floor maid at the Tewksbury Institute.”

You never know ….that your little act of kindness may spark a wildfire of love!!
Never miss a chance!!

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Clambering through the darkness
Grasping at whatever you can
Heading toward that glimpse of light
Doing the best you can

Stumbling and falling
Time and time again
Focused only on that glimpse of light
At the very end

So weary and fragile
You must struggle on
As the light is getting closer
It won’t be very long

You know you must continue
Even though it’s incredibly tough
Your body wants to stop and rest
You have just had enough

Determined to reach the light
One step at a time
As it’s getting brighter
Leaving the darkness behind

The darkness now has faded
You finally reached that light
It took some time to get there
All is clearer and bright

So when times are hard
It’s seems there’s no end in sight
Keep on persevering
Remember that glimpse of light

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel”!

Allurement? Inducement?

As state governments in India pass laws on religious conversion, and political leaders create disharmony by talking about allurement and inducement in changing religions, a poor man who had converted from the religion of his forefathers to that of a so called foreign god, stood in front of a judge in a courtroom somewhere in India wearing a dhoti and a torn, worn out discarded shirt from someone else’s wardrobe.

The judge looked at him sternly and asked, “Did you change your religion out of your own free will?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“Was there any allurement or inducement that made you do so?”

“Yes, your honor!” said the poor man and the courtroom buzzed with excitement.

“What was the inducement offered?” asked the judge peering at the poor villager and getting ready to close the case.

“The promise of an attractive spiritual life and of a God who listens to me!”

“Was there no other inducement?”

“No, your honor, I was not offered any money to change my God, as I was offered by all the candidates in the last elections to change my vote! And your honor?”

“Yes?” asked the judge.

“When political parties offer free TV’s, free electricity, cheap rice, free housing and money in the bank..”

“Yes, yes I know!” said the judge.

“Isn’t that allurement and inducement?”

“I am the one asking the questions!” said the judge.

“I am sorry your honor. And your honor?”

“I told you I am the one…”

“I am a poor man…”

“Yes, I know,” said the judge.

“Poor and uneducated!”

“I know that!”

“Starving and hungry!”

“What are you leading up to?” asked the impatient judge.

“Despite being all this, you have still given me the freedom to vote!”

“That is the right of every citizen of this country!” said the judge proudly, “and it is my duty to see that no one stops you from exercising this right!”

“Thank you your honor!,” said the poor man and there was a hush in the courtroom as he drew himself to his full height of five feet four inches and said,

“If I, your honor, can be trusted with the right to vote a government out of power, then why your honor can’t I the same poor man be trusted to change my religion and my God when I want to, without having to give an explanation to you or any officer in this country? Let me test another god as much as I test a new government! If I am good enough to vote then your honor, I am good enough to choose my faith, isn’t it?”

There was silence in the courtroom as the poor man sat down.

Will Power

Nothing is possible without will power. On the strength of strong willpower, a person can make the impossible possible. Many such examples will be found in history when people often did impossible tasks on the strength of strong will.

A person desires to achieve a lot in this world, but in the absence of a strong will, s/he is unable to make proper efforts. Hence, s/he has to face defeat. Many people curse fate for their failure/defeat. Some people become content with only a little success and do not make further efforts. High-level success, complete victory requires strong willpower.

Here is a story that I heard a few years back.

In the year 1883, an engineer named John Rambling came up with the idea of ​​building a grand bridge connecting New York and Long Island in America. When he talked to other engineers about this, they made fun of Rambling and tried to convince him not to do such stupid work. Everyone said that it is impossible to build this bridge. John Rambling did not agree with this, his heart said that he could definitely build this bridge. He somehow got his stubborn son Washington ready to build the bridge. Both father and son, one by one, prepared hundreds of maps of this bridge and proceeded to find a solution to every disruption in this work.

With extraordinary enthusiasm and dedication, he got involved in this challenging and almost impossible task. The work was going on well. A few months later, John Rambling died in a tragic accident at the construction site. His son Washington suffered some such shock that he was no longer able to walk and talk. People started talking about him in various ways. Nobody praised his courage, other engineers said that now the work should be stopped.

Washington did not get discouraged even after physical incapacity. Even after being crippled, he was able to fulfill his father’s dream with double enthusiasm and dedication. His body was destroyed. While lying in his room in the hospital, a wonderful thought flashed in his mind, he shook his finger and found a way to communicate with his wife. He would tell his wife what the engineers should do with a twitch of a hand. At this stage, work resumed somehow, and for the next 13 years, Washington continued to give instructions by pointing his fingers at his wife’s arm. Eventually, the pool was formed.

Today, the magnificent ‘Brooklyn Bridge’ enchants the viewer with its grandeur and workmanship. He tells us that every situation is defeated in the face of indomitable will and perseverance. At the same time, he also tells us about people with life whom the world considers crazy. He also tells the story of love and dedication for her husband to the woman who, for years, with her finger snatching the messages of her disabled husband on his arm, kept telling the engineers what to do.

This true story, on the strength of indomitable will (strong willpower), gives the message of making the impossible possible.

Starve your Fear, Feed your Faith

Fear is a reality of life. It’s true for believers and non-believers. Fear keeps us from living our normal lives. It cripples us and prevents us from doing what God wants us to do. 

We know we should not feed our fear or dwell on it, because if we do, it controls us. We should know this: fear takes control of us, only if we allow it! Here is a story that supports that.

An American Indian once shared:
“It seems that I have two dogs fighting in my heart: one is a very good dog, a beautiful dog and is always watching out for my best interests. The other is a very bad dog, which is always trying to destroy the things that I want to build up. These dogs give me a lot of trouble because they are always quarreling and fighting each other.” One of his friends looked up and asked, “Which one wins?” The American Indian said, “Whichever one I give in to.”

The more we entertain fear, the more it controls and cripples us. Remember: fear takes control of us, only if we allow it! 

Here is another story, by an unknown author, entitled “Can sleep when the wind blows.” 

Years ago a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. 

“Are you a good farmhand?” the farmer asked him.

“Well, I can sleep when the wind blows,” answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. 

The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man’s work.

Then, one night a loud wind and storm rushed from offshore. 

Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand’s sleeping quarter. He shook the little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!”

The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No, sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with covers. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, the doors were barred and the shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away.

The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant. So, he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

The moral of the story is this: When we are prepared spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically in advance, we have nothing to fear. When we have done our part, well in advance, we have nothing to fear! We just need to feed our faith in God!

Can we sleep when the wind blows through our life? I wish we would.