Limits are only inside our Head

A lot of people believe that if a person has health issues, then he or she will never be capable of having a full and happy life. But it’s not true.

Here are stories of 5 people who have achieved their goals and brought happiness to their lives, despite illnesses or difficulties. They live the way they want and do what they love.

Turia Pitt

The story of the Australian model Turia Pitt who “lost” her face in a fire leaves no one indifferent. When she was 24, she became the victim of a terrible fire. As a result, her body burn percentage was 64%. The girl spent 6 months in the hospital, went through a lot of operations, and lost all of her fingers on the right hand and 3 fingers on the left. However, she lives a full life now, takes part in fashion photo shoots, trains, surfs, rides a bike, and works as a mining engineer.

Nando Parrado

Nando Parrado survived a plane crash and waited for help for 72 days. The crash survivors had to drink melting snow and sleep side by side so as not to freeze to death. There was very little food, so they had to eat anything they could find in the winter forest. 60 days after the crash, Nando and 2 of his friends decided to go for help through the ice desert. Nando lost almost his entire family in the plane crash, and he lost 90 lb over the following 2 months. Now he is a motivational speaker, and he tells people how to achieve their goals in life.

Jessica Cox

Jessica Cox is the world’s first licensed armless pilot. She was born in 1983 without her arms due to a rare birth defect. Her parents did everything for the girl to lead a normal life: Jessica learned how to eat by herself, get dressed, attended a regular school, and even learned to write. Since her childhood, she was afraid to fly, and even swings were too much for her. But she decided to fight her fear. In 2008, she qualified to fly a light-sport aircraft. That was how she became the first armless pilot in the world and made it into the Guinness World Records.

Michael J. Fox

Michael J. Fox lives with Parkinson’s disease and supports others. The leading star of Back to the Future was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease at the age of 30. After that, he had troubles with alcohol. However, he managed to overcome his addiction, and he became a strong advocate of Parkinson’s disease research. Thanks to his efforts, $350 million has been collected for the research of this disease.

Patrick Henry Hughes

Patrick Henry Hughes became a musician despite his blindness and inability to walk. He was born without eyes and unable to fully straighten his arms and legs, making him unable to walk. His father introduced him to the piano at the age of 9 months. He later entered the University of Louisville and was invited to join the Louisville Marching Band, playing the trumpet while his father pushed him in his wheelchair through the marching routines. Since then, he has given a lot of concerts in the USA and has been on many TV shows together with his family.

Our Happiness is with Others

Everyone wants to find happiness in life. No matter what our circumstances, and no matter what hand we are dealt, the search for true contentment is at the heart of everyone’s goals.

The question, then, is how? How are we supposed to even begin looking for it?

A group of people gathered in a room attending a seminar about life and happiness to learn to find happiness in their lives.

They were being taught various skills and lessons about life. Suddenly, the speaker stopped and started giving each person a balloon. He asked everyone to write one’s name on it using a pen. All the balloons were then collected and taken to an another room.

Now, these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes.

Everyone was frantically searching for their name, pushing, colliding with each other, and there was utter chaos.

No one could find their balloons within the given five minute time and they all had to return to the other room empty handed.

Then they were told to go to the other room and randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it.
Within five minutes everyone was carrying the balloon with their name on it.

The speaker began: This is exactly happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is. Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness, you will get your own happiness.

Are you a good listener?

Think of the last time you truly felt heard, a time where your thoughts and feelings weren’t skimmed over or ignored. The act of speaking actually makes you feel lighter. You don’t feel judged. You feel empowered.

Not everyone lets you feel that way. Sometimes listening seems to be a special skill, maybe reserved only for a select few. People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average.

What is it then, that makes someone a good listener?

Most people think good listening comes down to doing three things:

Not talking when others are speaking
Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”)
Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word

But it is definitely more than that!

Don’t Give Advice Unless It’s Asked For

Advice is usually offered with the best intentions. But when someone is telling their story or venting, they aren’t necessarily looking for answers. More specifically, they aren’t necessarily looking for your answers. Not everyone is the same and not every problem needs the same solution.

It’s obviously different when someone asks for advice. Sharing a problem you need advice on is often different from venting. Venting is just a way of expressing frustration. But when we want help solving a problem, we usually ask.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

It’s helpful as a listener to ask the right questions. You don’t want to grill them but open-ended questions show that you’re engaged and want to know more.

It allows you to interact and make it a conversation without pressing too hard or demanding information. It makes the other person feel more comfortable talking to you without feeling like a burden.

Don’t Turn the Table Back to You

When you’re listening to someone else, it’s important not to bring the attention back to yourself. Bringing up your own personal experiences can add value to the conversation, especially when you’re trying to relate. But it isn’t helpful when it turns into the other person listening to you vent about your problems.

When someone brings up their problems, it shouldn’t be an opportunity for you to make it about yourself.

Have Empathy

This is the most important, in listening and in life. Being able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and have an understanding of what they’re going through is a valuable skill. It puts the other person at ease and makes them feel comfortable talking to you.

Empathy helps you avoid feeling pity. Pity can take you two steps backwards as a listener. No one wants to feel like a charity case talking about their problems.

Being a good listener makes you a better friend and family member. Be the kind of listener you would want to talk to. Someone supportive and understanding without being condescending. The more we try to listen and understand others, the more we understand the world we live in. Have empathy, listen, and be kind.

Coffee on the Wall

One evening I was in a well-known coffee shop with my friend in a neighboring town of Venice, Italy, the city which is known as the city of lights and water.

As we were enjoying our precious time, an old man entered and sat at an empty table next to us. He called the waiter and placed his order saying, “Two cups of coffee, one on the wall.”

We, sitting, next to him noticed that he was served with one cup but he paid for two.

When he left, the waiter placed a cup on the wall with a notice “A Cup of Coffee.”

While we were still there, two men came and ordered 3 Cups. They had two but paid for three and left. This time again, the waiter placed a Cup on the wall saying, “A Cup of Coffee”.

It was something unique and perplexing for us. We were getting late so, we finished, paid the bill and left.

After a few days, we visited the shop again. While we were having our coffee, a man poorly dressed entered. He got his seat and looked at the wall and said, “One cup from the wall.”

The waiter offered him the coffee with the customary respect and dignity. The man enjoyed and left without paying.

We were stunned to see all this, as the waiter took off a piece of paper from the wall and threw it in the trash bin.

Now it was well understood – the matter was very clear.

Such respect for the needy ones like this man made our eyes well up in tears. He enters the shop with dignity.

He does not have to ask for a free cup.

He is served this Cup of Coffee without asking or knowing about the one who has paid for that.

He just has to look at the wall, placed an order for himself, enjoy his coffee.

A truly beautiful thought. Probably the most beautiful wall you’ll ever see anywhere!

Stuck Somewhere You Don’t Belong?

There is nothing more painful than staying stuck somewhere you do not belong.

It could be in a job, relationship, or marriage. Feeling stuck is a place where goals and dreams get lost, careers and relationships are exhaustive, self-care is neglected, and you know you need a change but cannot figure out where to begin.

Despite your age, race, and personal achievements you will experience stuck-ness at some point in your life. Even when you plan your life with intention, life has a way of throwing curve balls that could leave you feeling stuck in a rut, watching others passing you by.

Most People Settle in Stuck-ness due to:

Endless Disappointments – You experience constant disappointments in your daily life. You are tired of being tired!
Breakdown of Relationships – When there is a lack of trust and confidence in your work and personal relationships.
Lack of Accountability – Constantly making excuses and blaming others and circumstances instead of taking responsibility for decisions and actions.
Lack of Purpose – When you are not able to align your purpose with your momentum.

It Is Time To A.C.T

Acknowledge the need for change- Acknowledge where you are, your feelings, mistakes and make a decision to move forward. Oprah knows this well, she said, “For years I was stuck in a weight trap, yo-yoing up and down the scale. I made a decision two years ago to stop wishing, praying, and wanting, wanting, wanting to be better. Instead, I figured out what it would take to improve my life. Then I decided to do it.”

Clarify your visions- You cannot do anything until clarity comes. This is when you stop trying to control everything and stand still so you can hear your voice, instead of the voices of the world.

Take the time to do the work- When we feel stuck, we want to fix things immediately so we can get back on track. However, it is a process, and you will need some help. Don’t be ashamed to talk to a friend or an expert. Remember, even Oprah and Richard Branson needed help to build their empire. So take the time and seek the support you need to get unstuck.

The good news is with a clear vision, passionate belief, and the willingness to give it everything you got, your relationship and career will no longer be a chore. They will become the joy you look forward to each day.

Create an action plan with S.M.A.R.T goals

Specific– What you want to accomplish; where it is located; when it will happen; and why you are doing it- the purpose or benefits.
Measurable– How you will know your goal is accomplished
Attainable– Steps on how you will attain your goals
Realistic– Be realistic about the goal you are working towards
Timely – A time frame, for accountability

You have done the work, which is great, but you are not in the clear. Your inner critic will find the PERFECT reasons why you don’t need to change.

Pride – I am perfectly fine, they are the problem, not me
Ego – My version of what is going on is right
Resentment – I am this way because of…
Fear – Who do you think you are? No one wants to hear what you think
Emotions – This is how I feel, and that is it
Concern – I cannot move on. What if?
Trust– Listen to me, don’t rock the boat, you are safe right where you are

Life is too short to remain stuck in the same place, especially when that place doesn’t feed your soul. Today, make the choice to do whatever it takes to get unstuck. Because “If we stay where we are, where we’re stuck, where we’re comfortable and safe, we die there.” ~ Anne Lamott.

Relax your Mind, Body and Soul

During hectic times, it’s tough to remember that relaxation is more than a luxury. In fact, humans need to relax to maintain balance in their lives. Work stress, family strife, and mounting responsibilities can exact a tremendous toll. Relaxing should be at the top of the list as a healthy coping measure and as a rewarding self-gift. Why do we so often neglect this healing self-care? Do you know the healthiest ways to relax your mind, body and soul?

Perhaps the biggest obstacle to relaxing is that some of us have a difficult time slowing the treadmill we put ourselves on daily. Even getting off it temporarily may be problematic. After all, we tell ourselves, there’s just so much to do and so little time to get it all done. No wonder we’re frazzled, anxious, fearful, worried and vulnerable, sometimes at the same time.

In our increasingly connected society, where time is our most precious commodity and business success is measured by our levels of productivity and efficiency, it’s easy to want to “power through” life’s setbacks and keep on top of our daily work. When you’re going through the healing process though, only complete rest will ensure that you’re able to bounce back to 100% — and that rest involves every aspect of your being, body, mind, and soul.

Here are some things to remember the next time you have that urge to “power through” and ignore your need to rest, relax, and recharge.

Don’t be Patient X / Ground Zero

We’ve all had experiences with that one coworker who insists on coming in, even though it’s fairly – sometimes painfully – obvious that they’re still recovering from their ailments. They may do so out of a sense of duty, and/or because they feel it’s an admirable gesture to their workplace and team.

… It’s not. Don’t be that person who puts their coworkers at risk of getting sick. Even the thought of being in close proximity with someone who may be contagious isn’t a very pleasant one. Do yourself and your team a favor – stay away until you’re back to 100%.

Email Is Endless

It’s better to accept this fact now and work around it, rather than trying to beat it: if you work, especially if you work in the corporate world, then you should know that email is endless. There is no “Inbox Zero,” at least for the long term.

People will always be reaching out to you, at all hours of the day and night, and even on weekends. This is true for email as well as with messaging applications, from texting to social media. If you’re out sick and constantly checking and responding to your messages, you’re setting an unrealistic expectation of your involvement in these conversations – you may be able to keep up with some but eventually, you’ll begin to slow down and not keep up with others. This isn’t fair to you or to the others you’re communicating and working with.

For emergency situations, ask them to call you. Otherwise, let them know you’re out, provide them with realistic options for follow up, then disconnect. Which brings us to the next point.

To truly disconnect, start with your brain

It’s easy to physically disconnect and unplug from all the ways you interact with others: you can turn off your wifi and computer, silence your phone, and avoid social media. But for those used to a high level of productivity on a daily basis, mentally disconnecting may be easier said than done.

When you’re at home, away from the distractions of the office – phone calls, email, meetings – you may feel the need to take advantage of this “downtime” and think through some projects and other work you otherwise wouldn’t have as much time for, on a regular day. This in of itself is still leaving you connected to your work, and not allowing your mind to completely clear itself so your body can recover.

Your body has a natural signal to your brain when it needs that healing time – if you feel the need to sleep, do so. Don’t fight it. If you’re tired and/or weak but your brain is still going a hundred miles per hour, take measures to slowly wind down and relax. Take a shower, read a book, watch a little Netflix; your brain, and body, will thank you for it.

Taking the time to rest, relax, and recharge does wonders for you, on all levels: mind, body, and soul.

Feeding your Soul instead of your Ego

The biggest problem in today’s world is that people spend far too much time feeding their egos and not nearly enough time feeding their souls.

They do this without thinking and without giving any consideration to the damage it does to them as well as the other people in their lives.

The truth is that those who live mostly on ego are the very people who constantly seek happiness but never find it because they are always looking for it in the wrong places.

Happiness can be yours if you fulfill your soul and cast ego to the winds.
Pixabay

Ego has been defined as a person’s sense of self-importance.

Those who view it as their main source of self allow it to overcome their lives and wreak havoc with them.

Usually people who let this happen are those who suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They constantly do things they think will improve their image, but they don’t realize that using ego to this end is only superficial and actually means very little.

Many times this type of behavior makes people think less of them and actually depresses rather than elates them.

Human beings always seek happiness. They treat it as though it is a destination, but that is wrong thinking.

Happiness is something that comes naturally, but only to people whose values allow it to appear.

It isn’t something you can force or buy, but rather something you create by learning how to feed your soul rather than your ego.

Your soul is the heart of your “self”. If you keep it healthy by living your life in worthwhile ways, you’ll find happiness in just about everything you do.

Even if you have been living on ego, you can change, but doing this will not be easy.

The soul has a voracious appetite. It yearns always to be fulfilled and is constantly opening itself to those who are willing to feed it in appropriate ways.

There are many ways to do this. For example, among other things you can:

learn to appreciate the wonders nature,
be thankful every day for what and who you have in your life,
accept yourself as the beautiful creature that you are and
eliminate the negatives in your life.

What my little girl can teach you

Here is a lovely story that I came across

I was busy reading my favorite magazine and my little girl was playing around me which was disturbing my reading. So, in order to get me some peace, I tried a trick so as to keep her busy for a little while.

I then took a page out from my magazine which had a printed map on it and made some pieces of the map and hand it over to my little girl.

I asked her to go into her room and put the torn pieces together and make a complete map again.

After all my tricks played on my little girl, I was convinced that now, I can have the silence to read the magazine without any distraction and it would take her some time in figuring it out, meanwhile, the whole day will pass.

But within a couple of minutes, she was standing in front of me with a perfect map in her little hands.

I was amazed as well as confused.

So, I asked her how she did it so quickly and easily.

She smiles and looked up to me and said “oh, Dad, There is an actor’s face on the other side of the map. I just tried to make his face completely.”

And she turned and ran outside to play, leaving me surprised.

In life, there is always the other aspect of whatever you face. Whenever we come across a difficulty or challenging, puzzling situation, just sit back and look at the other side, you will be surprised to see an easy way to handle the problem.

The Art Of Being Your Own Best Friend

Why would you want to become your own best friend? There are a number of benefits to creating your own internal support system rather than relying on your partner, friends or family to be there for you when you’re suffering. Having expectations of other people can lead to disappointment, heartbreak, and relationship breakdown if your expectations aren’t met.

We all have it in us to give ourselves what we need, without seeking it externally.

Of course, it’s great if you have a strong support network, but you could still benefit from becoming more self-reliant. And what about if you have no one to turn to for help, or if your current support people are unable to be there for you?

Isn’t it far better to know how to support yourself in times of need? Here’s how to become your own best friend.

Be nice to yourself
Honor your needs
Send compassion to that part of you that is hurting
Enjoy your own company

Here is a lovely video on the art of being your own best friend

Words Hurt

Words can either build someone up or break them down, and we have to the power to choose our words carefully. Something that seems harmless to us might hurt someone else, so before we say something, we should always think about how it will affect the other person. Words carry energy, some positive and some negative. Words can change lives, or they can destroy them. We carry this power in our hands and hearts, so we must use it wisely.

We can teach children from a young age how to use their words to inspire, help, heal, and bring happiness to others. Adults would do well to remember what their parents and teachers taught them also, because we can easily forget lessons we learned years ago. With this in mind, a teacher came up with a brilliant idea to show children the impact that words can have on others, and this experiment stuck with each of the children long after.

Rosie Dutton, a coach at Relax Kids Tamworth, used her experience working with children for 15 years and knowledge of teaching children to deal with their emotions in a healthy way to carry out this amazing experiment.

One day in one of her classes, she showed the children two different apples.

“…(the children didn’t know this, but before the class I had repeatedly dropped one of the apples on the floor, you couldn’t tell, both apples looked perfect). We talked about the apples and the children described how both apples looked the same; both were red, were of similar size and looked juicy enough to eat,” she wrote on a Facebook post.

She then picked up the apple she dropped on the floor and told the children how she disliked the apple. She told them that she thought it looked disgusting, had a horrible color and the stem was too short. She had a reason for this: she wanted them to dislike the apple too, calling it similar names.

“Some children looked at me like I was insane, but we passed the apple around the circle calling it names, ‘you’re a smelly apple’, ‘I don’t even know why you exist’, ‘you’ve probably got worms inside you’ etc.”

As she and the class continued their verbal attacks on the apple, the teacher and some students started to feel sympathy for it.

Then, they passed around another apple and started saying kind things to it such as ‘You’re a lovely apple’, ‘Your skin is beautiful’, ‘What a beautiful colour you are.’

The teacher held both apples up the class, and talked to the children about the similarities and differences between the apples. They all agreed that both apples looked the same – the only difference was how they had talked to them, as far as the children could see.

She cut open the apple they had just passed around after the discussion to show the class how beautiful and fresh it looked on the inside. Afterwards, she cut open the other apple that she had thrown on the floor.

“THE APPLE WE’D SAID UNKIND WORDS TO WAS BRUISED AND ALL MUSHY INSIDE.”

She saw the children make the connection, that the bruised, mushy apple had really undergone a beating even though you couldn’t tell on the outside. They also realized that how they talked to it represented what happens inside them when people mistreat them.

“When people are bullied, especially children, they feel horrible inside and sometimes don’t show or tell others how they are feeling. If we hadn’t have cut that apple open, we would never have known how much pain we had caused it…”

The teacher then shared a personal experience of what she felt when someone said unkind words to her the previous week. She explained that you couldn’t tell from the outside how she felt because she still smiled. But inside, she felt bruised and broken.

She says, “Unlike an apple, we have the ability to stop this from happening. We can teach children that it’s not ok to say unkind things to each other and discuss how it makes others feel. We can teach our children to stand up for each other and to stop any form of bullying, just as one little girl did today when she refused to say unkind words to the apple.”

“The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words.”